The first rule of passive aggressive club is...

You know what, nevermind. It’s fine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To people who get pissed off about passive-aggressive criticism...

What else do you do poorly?

I'm not passive aggressive

Unlike *some* people.

What do you call a passive communist country?

The so-be-it union (one of my original jokes)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Difficult things to say when Drunk. 1. Innovative 2.Preliminary 3.Cinnamon. Very Difficult things to say when Drunk. 1.Specificity 2.Passive-disorder 3.Transubstantiate

Things that are just down right impossible to say when drunk.
1.No thanks, I’m married.
2.Nope, no more for me.
3.No, I don’t want to see your tits.

Someone once told me that I'm passive aggressive all the time

I told him to please move on in life.

What did the passive aggressive Spanish cheese say?

Kay, so?



Sorry, heading to the gym and this is the best I can meunster.

What do you call a Passive Aggressive Ogre with one eye?

A Sighcylops.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unbeknownst to his wife, Steve has secretly been drinking at the bar all day.

He looks at his phone only to realize that its 2a.m. and he should be getting home before his wife is pissed.

He tries to stand up but falls flat on his face. Deciding he needs to sober up, he gets some water and waits an hour. Again, he tries to stand up. Again, he falls flat on his face....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

Have a daughter named after my mother in law

Passive-Agressive Psycho turns 5 next week

Mac the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night, all he could offer her was $0.50 and a pair of sneakers.

She refused with disdain.

He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again. Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could always try Mabel down the road. But she wa...

WHAT DO WE WANT? PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR!

WHEN DO WE WANT IT?







Well, we're sure you're really busy with all of your important things.

So, we'll just have to wait, until you feel that we've waited long enough, and maybe then, you'll be able to find some time for others.

It's fine.

I'm sick of all these passive-aggressive posts.

You know who you are.

My wife and I are playing the passive aggressive thermostat game...

She is currently winning 73 to 68

How many passive aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know. Why don't *you* change it yourself instead of waiting for other people to do it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender is in shock, an actual horse just walked into his bar, sat down at the bar like a person, and ordered a beer in perfect English.

He tells the horse, "I'm sorry sir, I just have to go speak to my manager for a moment."

So the bartender goes to the back, and explains the s...

If someone does something to annoy you, DONT just be passive aggressive about.

Unlike SOME people I know.

I'm a passive aggressive driver.

I pass other drivers and then aggressively speed towards the next one.

There's a group of passive aggressive people that keep saying I'm a snoopy mailman

I know because they keep writing letters about it to their friends.

What did the passive aggressive raven say to Edgar Allen Poe?

"...ugh nevermind"

1 in 3 homicides start with a passive aggressive note.

But of course you are too busy to read it.

How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark...

What did one passive aggressive republican say to the passive aggressive democrat?

I don't know, let me go check my Facebook feed.

Entitled Parent Joke

So I was at a restaurant with my family and this woman came up with a child. She looked about 40 with blonde hair. The child looked about 5 with also blonde hair. The child was crying at the time and the woman started to nag at us. Apparently, the child wanted a dessert and, lucky for us, we were th...

(Translated from my mother tongue) What does a man do when he wants to end a marriage passively?

He tries finding the expiration date on the marriage cirtifficate

"My boyfriend was slept with by you!" I heard one girl shout at another in the mall.

"Your reputation will be ruined by this! YOU'RE GONNA BE KILLED BY ME!!"

"Why is she talking like that?" I asked my friend.

"Oh, don't mind her," he said. "She's just really passive aggressive."

An explorer in the African jungle heard about a plan to capture the legendary King Kong.

And sure enough when he came to a clearing there before him, imprisoned in a cage, sat the imposing figure of King Kong.


It occurred to the explorer that he could be the first person ever to touch the great ape and so tentatively he inched towards the cage. Since King Kong appeared quite ...

Alligator Shoes

A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and ki...

Knock knock

“Who’s there?”

“Passive-aggressive girlfriend.”

“Passive-aggressive girlfriend who?”

“IF YOU DONT KNOW IM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU!!!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some good tips for your English class.

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It...

I got pulled over by the Grammar Police.

The cop was pretty passive about the sentence he handed me.

For anyone who gets confused about proper grammar and style in writing

I offer from the Internet, the following tip sheet, "How to Write Good":

- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
- Contractions aren't necessary
- The passive voice is to be avoided.
- Prepositions are not the words to end sentences with.
- Be more or less specific.
- ...

I went to see this acupuncturist, called "The dude".

He told me me Yin and Yang channels were out of balance. He said some of my meridians were open too much, and some were blocked.

I told him: "I've been feeling cold, slow, and passive recently. I think my Yang meridians are closed."

He said, "Yeah, well, you know, that's just like, you...

If a dog is man's best friend, then a cat must be...

Man's snotty, passive-aggressive ex-girlfriend.

The love story of 6 and 9

Sit children, and let me tell you the tale of a guy who was caught in a predicament.

One day a guy was mowing his lawn. He was about a 6, so let's call him that. 6 was mowing his lawn until a dog came running down the street. 6 chased the dog until he caught him. He turned around and saw that...

Active Voice: I wrote the paper.

Passive Voice: The paper was written by me.

Inner Voice: Dafuq did I write!?!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When grammar nazis correct me, I start to make errors on purpose to mess with them.

You can say I'm passive, aggressive.

Chinese and Russian soldier

By the river, and on the Russian and Chinese border there was two soldiers standing as posts for some decade years. A Chinese on south side and the Russian on North side. One day the Russian started to make signals to the Chinese. The Chinese was puzzled. The Russian wanted to ask him if he was a pa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wifi

A man hears his neighbors having sex very night, so In a fit of passive aggressiveness, he changes the name of his wifi network to "Icanhearyouhavingsex".

The next day when he goes to sign on to his wifi, he sees another network labeled "Wecanhearyounothavingsex"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.