Energetic Jokes - 45 Hilarious Energetic Jokes

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A 70 year old man goes into a brothel. He picks out a young pretty woman, ....

... they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed.
The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she'll give him one for free.
He says "Yeah, I can, but I need to take a 20 minute na...

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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits..

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide...

An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.

A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Won...

Energetic old couple recreate their first date.

An elderly couple, celebrating their 50th anniversary, decide to recreate their first date by having dinner at the same restaurant. They order the same dinner, the same drinks, and the same dessert as their first time.
As they're reminiscing, the drinks start kicking in and the old guy starts...

Why are trains so energetic?

They have Conductors.

Two blondes are

Driving along a highway when they see out the window in the middle of a field another blonde in a rowboat pulling energetically on the oars.
The first blonde turns to the other and says, "You know what its blondes like that that give us a bad name."
The second blonde responds, "I know right, i...

A very energetic old woman is approached by a middle aged man.

The middle aged man says “Ma’am, pardon me, You look so fit for a woman at this age. I’m amazed! Do you mind if you share the secret?”

The woman replied, “Oh sure, nothing special” “I’m just living the life like most people here.. I’m a night person so I rarely sleep at night.. I smoke 3 pack...

What do you call an energetic baby cow?

Calfinated!

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air ...

Fear

Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep.
Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try s...

Met a girl that's into horoscopes

Her : I'm a Sagittarius, bet that already tells you a lot about me.

Me : So according to this website, would you say you're a curious, energetic person that wants to be a part of things rather than be a spectator?

Her : Mmmhm that's me to a T

Me : Congratulations you're an Arie...

I don’t feel like I matter now, but I think I will eventually

I’m just really energetic right now

A man accomplishes his life-long dream of becoming a stand-up comedian

However, he does not find any success in the field. His jokes are poor and quite predictable. So, after a couple of weak performances, he quits comedy. Frustrated, he punches at a punching bag, and finds it weirdly satisfying. So, he decides to take up a career in professional boxing as a means to f...

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German Sex

A German guy approaches a lady of the night.
'I vish to buy sex wit you.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'
'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the Ger...

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A drunk walks into a music store

Drunken man: "I want the trumpet and the accordion!"
The salesman answers that these are not for sale. The drunk leaves the store irritated.
The next day he comes back, more energetic: "I want the trumpet and the accordion!
The salesman is slightly annoyed, says that he will not sell them ...

A dumb guy visits a hunting club and asks a hunter how he killed his first buck.

The hunter says he got his gun, went into the woods, followed the tracks, and shot the buck. The dumb guy, satisfied with the answer, soon leaves.

The following day the dumb guy returns to the hunter and asks how he shot his first rabbit. The hunter says he got his gun, went into the woods, f...

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A man is cheating on his wife..

And one night, after a rather energetic session with his mistress, he falls asleep and doesn't wake up until 3am.
Horrified, he scrambles around for his clothes, gets dressed and leaves as fast as he can.
On the way home he has an idea.
He goes to the local park and rubs his shoes in the...

A man is at boating school, and is learning different phrases before he is allowed to work on a boat

The instructor asks him the first question, “What do you say when a man has fallen off the boat.”

The man energetically said, “Man overboard!”

The instructor has his next question ready, “What do you say when a woman falls off the boat?”

The man yet again states, “Full speed ahe...

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Glad my friend finally found a good diet/lifestyle to lose her weight without being miserable all the time.

Considering how she's allergic to everything. It's nice to see there is such a thing that is gluten-free and dairy free. She seems stronger, more energetic, more alert than usual. She even looks a lot skinnier as advertisement, too. I heard some celebrity follow this diet but don't tell anyone since...

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A doctor on his rounds in a mental hospital

sees a couple of patients behaving rather strangely. The first man is sitting on the edge of his bed clutching an imaginary steering wheel and making loud noise, "VRROOOOM, VRRROOOOMM....SCREEEECH...." he's going.

'What are you doing?' asks the doctor.
'I'm taking this juggernaut down to ...

A Boy and his Father were out on a walk...

On their walk the two encountered a pair of doggies in an act of doggie passion in the middle of one of the neighbors lawns.
"Ewww...WHAT are they doing, Daddy?!?"
"Well son, um, I guess you could say that they are making puppies."
The father grabbed the boy's hand, and they continued...

So, apple, lemon, and pea escape from the refrigerator..

Happy to be free from their prison, they go to a bar to celebrate. Many bars later, they're all tipsy at best when they come across a hill.

Pea, being a energetic drunk, gets super excited saying, "Hey! Let's roll down the hill! Come on!" And before the other two object he launches hims...

Sam the old rooster

Farmer has an old rooster "Sam", and this rooster has his own way of doing things.

The rooster would line all the hens up, facing the same direction, and off he went.

Wham, bam, thank you ma'am.

Wham, bam, thank you ma'am.

Wham, bam, thank you ma'am.

And so on unti...

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Just thought of a physics joke in class

One day, Newton adopts a dog to play catch with his apple, naming it Theta. Busy with writing the *Principia*, Newton doesn't notice that Theta has been pooping all over the lawn. When he finally steps outside and sees the mess, he energetically graps his shovel and gets to work.

A visitor as...

Murphy met Sharon at his bar one night.

They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Murphy to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.

Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to ...

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A farmer buys a young rooster

As soon as it comes home, it screws all the 153 hens...
The farmer is impressed thinking about the eggs the hens would hatch. At lunch, the young energetic rooster again screws all the 153 hens.

The farmer got tensed up now. Next day, he finds the rooster screwing the ducks & the gee...

The new CEO wanted to teach about productivity

After gathering the managers he spoke at the importance of cutting out the fat, streamlining the company, numbers and projections against the crisis and the need for a more energetic administration. After that, they left for lunch.

While passing through the offices, the new CEO found a young...

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The Insatiable Chinese man

A Chinese man called a prostitute service and asked for their most talented and energetic girl.

The girl finally got to his home and they started having sex.

Once he was done, he jumped off the bed, ran to the window, took a deep breath, went under the bed, came out the other side and ...

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There is a woman, she is dying in her bed in her home.

Her husband is by her side, weeping.

“You know what I would like, before dying? She asks. I’d like to make love to you one last time”.

The husband agrees.

They start slow, gentle, but taken by their passion it becomes more frenetic. He start taking her in several positions, then...

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Took me a while

*When I was a kid, my mom always used to quote the punchline of this joke. Today, four decades later, I finally heard the joke itself.*

On a hot day, a guy ducks into a bar for a beer. There is no one in the bar but the bartender, a pianist, and a little monkey dancing on the piano.

...

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Little Timmy woke up one morning desperate to pee.

He bounded out of bed and hurtled across the landing to the main bathroom. Eager not to cause an upset, he carefully prised open the bathroom door.
In the bathroom, Timmy's sister, Lucy, was shaving her legs. Unfortunately, she caught a spot on her razor, causing a stab of pain. Blood started to ...

Toothprick

A man goes to a nice bar to have a few drinks to himself and enjoy his Friday evening. At the bar, he meets a gorgeous woman, and they hit it off talking. One thing leads to another, and they find themselves in a nice hotel room, making energetic love to each other.

Afterwards, in bed, the ma...

Saint Peter takes a lunch break

Saint Peter is at the gates of Heaven. He's been standing all morning and needed a lunch break.

He sees Jesus walking by and stops him.

"Jesus, thank goodness you're here. I have a favor to ask. Can you watch the gate while I have lunch?"

Jesus, ecstatic at the chance to help sa...

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LPT: Make sure you properly understand job ads.

* Entry level position = We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.
* Experience required = We do not know the first thing about any of this.
* Compensation commensurate with experience = You're still not experienced enough so take this low pay.
* Generous benefits = We will give you ...

A young girl is at a club and sits down at a table next to thee guys at another table.

The three guys are talking rather energetically, and the girl hears their conversation;

First guy: "It's spelled, W.H.O.O.M....WHOOM!"

The second guy: "No, you're wrong..it's spelled W.H.U.M.E....WHUME!"

Then the third guy: : "You both don't know what you're talking about! It's ...

A Soviet era joke about the value of hard work - Drink vodka, play cards

*This joke was told to me by a former colleague who was Russian, and had lived and worked under the Soviet system. He was a nuclear engineer there... and the only member of his team not sent to Chernobyl to help in the clean up. Anyway, like our hero of this story, I was fresh faced and a little hig...

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Monkey Business On A Bus

This guy has a monkey and he wants to go down to Florida for spring break, so him and his monkey get on this Greyhound bus and head down. On the way there's a terrible crash. The bus drives off the road and everyone on board dies. It's a horrible bloodbath with body parts scattered everywhere. E...

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The Story of Suzy Sandpaper (Long)

A young Marine was deployed on a Navy ship. It put into port in Bangkok for a weekend, but he was told he had security duty, and couldn't go into town with his fellow Marines. All weekend he stood sentry at the ship, hearing from his comrades about the gorgeous girls working the local brothels, an...

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The Crude Pianist.

A pianist scored an interview at a local restaurant. He is sent to the manager and is asked to play a few songs from memory.

The pianist says - “this is one of my favourites. It’s called ‘I Was Fucking Your Dog But It Bit My Penis So Now My Balls Hurt’”.

The manager, appalled, says - “...

The Wrong Condom

A newly married couple decided to make love on their wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding.

The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy a condom from the shop nearby.

When the husband went out, the wife waited anxiously in the room with a...

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company. As energetic as they come, they start off with a bang. With a handful of eager young protons joining their ranks, they begin to see extremely positive gains in their investments in no time. They're making more money than they know what to d...

Deep in the arctic, a fortress sits. This is Legion Prison, where all Supervillains are jailed.

And the Warden is having a very difficult time. In the beginning, it wasn’t so hard. A handful of villains can’t get up to too much trouble without their tools and weapon.

But as the prison filled up, things began to get more difficult.

MechaSlayer kept trying to fight Robo-Con.
...

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

The kingdom of the ogre.

Once upon a time, an evil ogre ruled over the land of the Trids. Most of the time he left his subjects alone, and even managed the kingdom quite well, and times were prosperous. But once a week, he would come down from his hilltop castle and spend an hour *kicking* every Trid he saw. Doesn’t matt...

An Orchestra in Albuquerque in July

A travelling orchestra had planned on being in Albuquerque in January and Minneapolis in July. However, their manager got the dates wrong and the group ended up doing a three-day run in an outdoor theater in Albuquerque in the middle of the July heat. The event was exhausting and by the third night,...

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