UPJOKE
nuclear falloutcold warradiationplutoniumnuclear fusionnuclear warfareunited statesworld war iisoviet uniondeuteriumnorth koreatrinityjouleuraniumhiroshima

what happens to people who dies in a bomb blast

They rest in pieces

What did the burglar say after detonating a bomb inside of Fort Knox?

Edit: wow this blew up! Thanks for the gold!

What do you call an Arab who has been injured in a bombing?

An ambulance, you racist!

Zelensky and Putin meet in Belarus to discuss a possible armistice when a suddenly a bomb goes off

There is a lot of confusion and when security finally manages to get to the presidents, both of them are in a horrible shape and need to be put in an artificial coma.

After 10 years, they both wake up in the hospital and are visibly confused. No doctor or nurse was around, so they decide to p...

After a bad day at work, where does a bomb technician go?

Everywhere

A bomb fell on the cemetery last night

Reporters say: all dead, no survivors

A redditor is defusing a bomb.

EDIT: I didn't expect this to blow up!

If you find a bomb that blows up when stepped on, please let me know.

It's mine.

My sandwich had a bomb inside

I think I might have explosive diarrhoea

I am going to become a bomb defuser.

It is one job where....

Either i'm right.

Or suddenly its not my problem anymore.

What do you get when you drop a bomb in a French kitchen?

Linoleum Blownapart.

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer"

A man drops a brick, a knife, and a bomb out of the window of a helicopter.

Joe has decided to go for a walk in the park. As he travels the park, he sees a kid crying. Concerned, he asks what's wrong. The kid says, "A brick fell and landed on my foot!". After making sure the kid was okay, Joe keeps walking. Soon, he sees a kid who is pale as a ghost. Concerned, he asks what...

The chances of a bomb being on your plane is one in 300 million, but the chances of two bombs being on your plane is one in 60 billion...

which is why, when I fly, I always carry a bomb.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone just shoved a bomb into a bull's ass.

Just abominable.

A bomb just went off in a paris cheese shop

There is de brie everywhere!

I always bring a bomb with me on an airplane

Because the probability of there being *two* bombs on an airplane is nearly zero.

Remember when some guy put a bomb in his shoe and tried to get on an airplane?

Now we all have to remove our shoes just to get past security and get on a flight. I wish that had been a woman with a bomb in her bra.

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

I had to use a yardstick to stop a bomb explosion...

Drastic times call for drastic measures

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bomb went off near Hitler and some shrapnel got in his eyes. He went to the optometrist and when asked why Day was wrong he said

I can Nazi

What’s the easiest way to sneak a bomb onto a plane?

Buy a galaxy note 7

A crazy scientist asked strangers on Reddit to help him make a bomb

Edit: Wow this exploded! I didn't expect that, Thank you guys!

There was three guys and they decided to chuck something out of an aeroplane. The first guy dropped out a dagger. The second guy dropped out a boulder and the third guy dropped out a bomb. The first guy went home and he saw his dad crying in the yard and he asked his dad “what’s wrong?”

The dad says “a dagger fell out of the sky and hit my wife on the head and now she’s dead.

The second guy went home and it’s the same story, he asks his dad “what’s wrong?”

“A boulder fell out of the sky and hit my wife in the head and now she’s dead”

The third guy got home, a...

A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a terrorist bombing it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage

"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.

I made a bomb today with the help of my Twitch viewers!

"Wow this really blew up! Thanks guys!"

Two newspaper bosses are sent into a huge bank vault and find it stacked to the ceiling with piles of 24-karat bars. They can keep them for good, but only if they are able to diffuse a bomb first...

Editor 1: Thanks for the gold.

Editor 2: This blew up.

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

If someone says "Someone in this room has a bomb," I can't rule myself out as a suspect.

- Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Note7

2 guys are hiding a bomb under a car.

Guy 1 - What if the bomb goes off while we're still under the car.

Guy 2 - Don't worry, I've got a second one in my backpack.

What do you call a French conqueror who stands too close to a bomb?

Napoleon Blown-apart

If you activate a bomb, how do you deactivate it?

Quick answers please.

Once i did the "is your dad a terrorist?, because you are a bomb.." line to a muslim girl.

Totally blew up in my face

A Redditor is trying to make a bomb in their garage, but it wont detonate so they decide to make some changes

Edit: wow this blew up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bloke walks into a pet shop and places a bomb on the counter and says ” you’ve got one minute to get out”

A tortoise in the back shouts ” you bastard!”

Do you know why you should always bring a bomb in your hand luggage when you’re flying?

Because the chances of one person bringing a bomb, is very low.
But the chances of two people bringing a bomb, is almost impossible.

I'm trying to convince my cousin not to bring a bomb to school.

He thinks it'd be a real blast.

I bought this old Russian car from a guy down the street from me... Little did I know it was fitted with a bomb and warning sound.

The explosion was like Lada-bing, Lada-Boom.

Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician.....

It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

What do you call a bomb made of cows

A mooclear missile

[BREAKING NEWS] A bomb has just exploded in a Paris cheese shop.

Eyewitnesses report there is currently de Brie all over the place.

What do you call a T-Rex with a bomb strapped to it's chest?

Dinomite

I Recently opened up a Bomb shop.

Business has been booming lately!

Have you heard the news story about the kid that was arrested when they thought the clock he brought to school was a bomb?

It's blowing up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandfather dropped a bomb today I'll never forget

We stopped at a shitty diner in the middle of nowhere in the midwest. The people looked like they hadn't slept in a year and had eaten meth for a week from their missing teeth and saggy cheeks.

**Me:** Jesus, these people look like zombies

**Gramps:** Yeah and they're probably starvin...

There were three guys who decided they would bring gifts to the queen. The first guy brought a sack of apples, the second guy brought a sack of oranges, and the third guy brought a bomb.

On their way there, the plane started crashing down, so the first guy lands with his parachute and sees this kid crying he asked, “what’s wrong?” The kid says, “a sack of apples fell from the sky and hit my mom in the head,” the guy apologizes and walks away.

The second guy lands and sees thi...

Two terrorists were installing a bomb

One says to another “what will happen if this one explodes while we are installing it?”

The other responds:

“Don’t worry I’m carrying a spare”

I used to know a bomb disposal expert

He wasn't very good

When a statistician goes through airport security, they find a bomb in his bag.

He explains, "The chances that there is one bomb on a plane is 1/1000. The chance there are two bombs on a plane, is 1/1,000,000. Therefore we are much safer."

There was a terrorist with a bomb attached to his bowels.

He had explosive diarrhea.

A bomb defusers life advice I live by

I asked him "Don't you get nervous about defusing the bomb?"

He shrugged and said "Either I'm right or its not my problem anymore"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A suicide bomber is teaching a bombing class.

“Pay attention. I’m only going to do this once!”

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque.

They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.

statistician boards plane with a bomb

the probability of there being two bombs on a plane is much lower

So there was a bomb threat at my school today...

Tomorrow's gonna be a blast.

Someone at Sony Studios was arrested for having a bomb in his backpack.

He was released after it was determined that it was the script for Ghostbusters

3 men in a plane, one with a knife, one with a gun and one with a bomb.

The plane was about to crash so the pilot says we need to shed weight fast, you all need to chuck your luggage out. They comply. The plane stabilises and they land safely.

The guy that chucked the knife out the plane returns home and sees his mother sobbing. When he asks why she said "some m...

How do we know Floyd Mayweather isn't a bomb?

Because he can't tell the time.

This morning I read about that 14 year boy with a clock they thought was a bomb

...I just checked again and it's really blown up since then

I tweeted a joke about a bombing, and a few hours later a bombing happened. So I got a call from the FBI, and needless to say they weren’t friendly.

I guess my joke was too soon.

I heard there was a bombing in Times Square.

But it was just Mariah.

scared of flying

A friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that
there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I responded that I really didn't know, but that it was certainly less than one in a million. So he asked: "Well, what is the probability that there are two bombs on ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes into the US Postal Services to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes - coffee." "Have you ever been in the military service? "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years." The interviewer says,"That will give you 5 extra points towards employment." Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any wa...

As a colour blind bomb technician

You only defuse a bomb once

Two terrorists are in a car, driving to bomb some place.

One had a bomb on his lap, the other was driving. The car went over a speed bumper too fast.

"Hey, watch it, Joe! You are gonna set this bomb off!"

"Relax, dude, we have a spare one in the trunk."

what do you call a terrorist shrimp?

A bomb in-acean

Three men are sitting on an airplane.

One has a a banana, one has a skateboard, and one has a bomb. The first one peels the banana, eats the banana, and throws the peel out the window. The second man just throws the skateboard out the window. The last man lights the fuse on his bomb and throws it out the window.

When they arrive ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm Iranian and was forced to work the border near a Viagra bomb field.

I was stuck between Iraq and a hard place.

A statistician gets on a plane.

A Statistician gets on a plane. Guy next to him says "I'm scared of flying." The statistician says "I used to be. I used to be worried about terrorists." The guy asks "How'd you stop being scared?" The statistician says "I bought a bomb on the plane." Panicked, the guy yells "What!?"

Stati...

A old woman was arrested on terrorism charges today

A elderly woman was arrested on terrorism charges at Heathrow airport today.

She had tried to bring a bomb onto a plane with her.

When questioned as to why she did such a thing she said she was deathly afraid of her plane being blown up by a terrorist and thought the chances of two bom...

A man is driving along a country road and sees a sign; "$5 for talking dog, take next left."

Thinking this is some sort of joke, the man decides to check it out. So the man takes the left onto a a farm, and a farmer comes out.

F: You here about the dog?

M: Yeah, does the dog really talk?

F: Sure does, come here and I'll show ya.

The man and the farmer walk to the...

A mathematician is going through security check at an airport

When it’s his turn one officer suddenly starts jumping around exited and yells: “There is a bomb in this man luggage!” The mathematician is immediately arrested, searched and confined in a separate room. A while later authorities come in and ask him what the hell he was thinking, to which the mathem...

There are three men on an airplane

One has a spear, one has a hand grenade, and the last one has a bomb. The first man throws the spear from the plane and then parachutes down to where it landed. After landing he finds a kid crying and says "Kid, why are you crying?" And through tears the kid says "A spear came down from the sky and ...

A Finn, Swede and Norwegian were on a plane. The pilot announced: "Too much weight! Too much weight!"

The Norwegian dropped an orange off the plane. The pilot repeated: "Too much weight! Too much weight!"

The Swede dropped a banana peel. Yet again there was the request: "Too much weight! Too much weight!"

The Finn dropped a bomb. When the plane finally landed, the Finn, Swede and Norwe...

My dad worked for years as an actuary.

Back in the 1970s he travelled a lot for his work. This was during the time when hijackings, bombings and stuff like that weren’t too uncommon.

Being a statistician, he sat down one day and calculated the odds that a bomb would be on a plane that he was on. Turns out, he didn’t like the odd...

Stupid but hope you like it sorry for bad grammar

A scottsman an Irishman and an Englishman are all on a plane the scotsman has a bomb an irishman has a knife and the Englishman has a brick the Irishman they all drop there things out of a window when the Irishman gets home he find his dad crying on the sofa in his living room he asks what's wrong h...

Statistician and bomb.

Found this on Raymond Smullyan's book "To Mock a Mockingbird". Hope you might like it.


There is the story of
a statistician who told a friend that he never took airplanes: "I
have computed the probability that there will be a bomb on
the plane," he explained, "and although this p...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.