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A Bomb Jokes

What's worse than finding a bomb under your car?

Not finding it.

What did the reddit user say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?

EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

What do you call an Arab who has been injured in a bombing?

An ambulance, you racist!

A bomb just went off in a paris cheese shop

There is de brie everywhere!

I am going to become a bomb defuser.

It is one job where....

Either i'm right.

Or suddenly its not my problem anymore.

How do you call a monkey with a bomb

A baboom

A redditor is defusing a bomb.

EDIT: I didn't expect this to blow up!

What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?

It becomes a flee market.

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

what happens to people who dies in a bomb blast

They rest in pieces

A bomb fell on the cemetery last night

Reporters say: all dead, no survivors

Why did the statistician always take a bomb with him when he traveled by plane?

He knew the chances of a bomb being on a flight he was one in a million, so he figured that the chances of two bombs being on board was one in a million million.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone just shoved a bomb into a bull's ass.

Just abominable.

After a bad day at work, where does a bomb technician go?

Everywhere

A world famous statistician was stopped by TSA at the airport

on his way to catch a flight to Washington DC. When they opened up his bag they found a bomb in it. Subsequently he was handcuffed and taken to the station for questioning. When asked about it he said, “I always carry a bomb with me for every fight!” The investigator questioned this, saying “Why wou...

Zelensky and Putin meet in Belarus to discuss a possible armistice when a suddenly a bomb goes off

There is a lot of confusion and when security finally manages to get to the presidents, both of them are in a horrible shape and need to be put in an artificial coma.

After 10 years, they both wake up in the hospital and are visibly confused. No doctor or nurse was around, so they decide to p...

If you find a bomb that blows up when stepped on, please let me know.

It's mine.

2 guys are hiding a bomb under a car.

Guy 1 - What if the bomb goes off while we're still under the car.

Guy 2 - Don't worry, I've got a second one in my backpack.

If someone says "Someone in this room has a bomb," I can't rule myself out as a suspect.

- Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Note7

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets pulled over by the police...

The officer asks, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"No I don't officer," he replies

"You were speeding. That's going to be big ticket in this area."

"Well, you caught me, and while I'm at it, I might as well be honest with you. I have a dead body in the trunk along with some...

What do you get when you drop a bomb in a French kitchen?

Linoleum Blownapart.

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer"

A man drops a brick, a knife, and a bomb out of the window of a helicopter.

Joe has decided to go for a walk in the park. As he travels the park, he sees a kid crying. Concerned, he asks what's wrong. The kid says, "A brick fell and landed on my foot!". After making sure the kid was okay, Joe keeps walking. Soon, he sees a kid who is pale as a ghost. Concerned, he asks what...

A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a terrorist bombing it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage

"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.

I had to use a yardstick to stop a bomb explosion...

Drastic times call for drastic measures

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandfather dropped a bomb today I'll never forget

We stopped at a shitty diner in the middle of nowhere in the midwest. The people looked like they hadn't slept in a year and had eaten meth for a week from their missing teeth and saggy cheeks.

**Me:** Jesus, these people look like zombies

**Gramps:** Yeah and they're probably starvin...

What’s the easiest way to sneak a bomb onto a plane?

Buy a galaxy note 7

A crazy scientist asked strangers on Reddit to help him make a bomb

Edit: Wow this exploded! I didn't expect that, Thank you guys!

Once i did the "is your dad a terrorist?, because you are a bomb.." line to a muslim girl.

Totally blew up in my face

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man applies for a government job

A guy goes into the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.

”Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?”

“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.”

The interviewer ...

What do you get when you put a bomb in a bada-Bing?

Bada-Bing-bada-boom!

Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician.....

It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

I Recently opened up a Bomb shop.

Business has been booming lately!

I made a bomb today with the help of my Twitch viewers!

"Wow this really blew up! Thanks guys!"

Two terrorists were installing a bomb

One says to another “what will happen if this one explodes while we are installing it?”

The other responds:

“Don’t worry I’m carrying a spare”

If you activate a bomb, how do you deactivate it?

Quick answers please.

What do you call a French conqueror who stands too close to a bomb?

Napoleon Blown-apart

What do you call a T-Rex with a bomb strapped to it's chest?

Dinomite

What do you call a bomb made of cows

A mooclear missile

Remember when some guy put a bomb in his shoe and tried to get on an airplane?

Now we all have to remove our shoes just to get past security and get on a flight. I wish that had been a woman with a bomb in her bra.

[BREAKING NEWS] A bomb has just exploded in a Paris cheese shop.

Eyewitnesses report there is currently de Brie all over the place.

There was a terrorist with a bomb attached to his bowels.

He had explosive diarrhea.

I tweeted a joke about a bombing, and a few hours later a bombing happened. So I got a call from the FBI, and needless to say they weren’t friendly.

I guess my joke was too soon.

I used to know a bomb disposal expert

He wasn't very good

A bomb defusers life advice I live by

I asked him "Don't you get nervous about defusing the bomb?"

He shrugged and said "Either I'm right or its not my problem anymore"

I'm trying to convince my cousin not to bring a bomb to school.

He thinks it'd be a real blast.

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque.

They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.

An Apple, an Orange, and a bomb

A terrorist was on a plane flying over the countryside. He managed to throw an apple, an orange and a bomb outside the plane.

Down below, a police officer was on patrol when he came across a little boy crying alongside the road.

He pulled over and asked, "Little boy, why are you cry...

When a statistician goes through airport security, they find a bomb in his bag.

He explains, "The chances that there is one bomb on a plane is 1/1000. The chance there are two bombs on a plane, is 1/1,000,000. Therefore we are much safer."

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm Iranian and was forced to work the border near a Viagra bomb field.

I was stuck between Iraq and a hard place.

A man has a book, a brick, and a bomb...

and decides to drop them all from an airplane in the air. After landing, he decides to go see were they landed.

He finds someone crying on the sidewalk. The man asks, "Why are you crying?"

"Well, I was walking around and a book fell on my head."

The man walks a little further an...

“You da bomb!” “No, you da bomb!” In America – a compliment.

In the Middle East – an argument.

I heard there was a bombing in Times Square.

But it was just Mariah.

So there was a bomb threat at my school today...

Tomorrow's gonna be a blast.

How do we know Floyd Mayweather isn't a bomb?

Because he can't tell the time.

Statistician and bomb.

Found this on Raymond Smullyan's book "To Mock a Mockingbird". Hope you might like it.


There is the story of
a statistician who told a friend that he never took airplanes: "I
have computed the probability that there will be a bomb on
the plane," he explained, "and although this p...

Two terrorists are in a car, driving to bomb some place.

One had a bomb on his lap, the other was driving. The car went over a speed bumper too fast.

"Hey, watch it, Joe! You are gonna set this bomb off!"

"Relax, dude, we have a spare one in the trunk."

A Redditor is trying to make a bomb in their garage, but it wont detonate so they decide to make some changes

Edit: wow this blew up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bloke walks into a pet shop and places a bomb on the counter and says ” you’ve got one minute to get out”

A tortoise in the back shouts ” you bastard!”

A man is driving along a country road and sees a sign; "$5 for talking dog, take next left."

Thinking this is some sort of joke, the man decides to check it out. So the man takes the left onto a a farm, and a farmer comes out.

F: You here about the dog?

M: Yeah, does the dog really talk?

F: Sure does, come here and I'll show ya.

The man and the farmer walk to the...

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