450 Jokes

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

... read more

***Woman: And how long have you been drinking?***

***Man: About 20 years, I suppose***

***Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 ...correct?***

***Woman: Do you know that if ... read more

That’s gotta be a record! She was squeezed into yoga pants at the end of the bar.

...mostly because it comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and one of Ken's friends.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird'... read more

"How heavy is a polar bear?" The guy says
"oh ive heard this one, heavy enough to break the ice" the girl smugly answers
"Thats stupid, it lives on ice you moron. A fully grown polar bear is about 450 kilograms.

First of all, we get rid of the old one. All of them get the boot.

We announce a new election. We elect 450 new deputies and then we hang them all.

Finally, we announce another election, get ourselves new, fresh 450 deputies and we hang them all.

Now, after the 4th or 5th elect... read more

"How much for this bomb?" he asks.

"$500", said the clerk.

"Will you take $450?" asks the terrorist.

"I'm sorry sir," replies the clerk, "We don't negotiate with terrorists."

I'm testing how long jokes need to be to be tagged "long."

People say that it has more to do with paragraphs than words or anything, but someone just told me that it is posts over 450 characters.

You can downvote if you want, but I can't think of a better way to test this.

I've ... read more

Her label said “Guess?”

I said, “ Oh I don’t know, 450 pounds?”

So just thought I'd share with you guys my success story, I was made redundant back in March. So there I was 30 years old and not a clue what was going to happen, then out of nowhere I had an opportunity to sell Avon, so there I was 30 years old, male, selling Avon... first month goes by and I make ... read more

A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 85th birthday by staying overnight at an expensive hotel.

When she checked out the next morning, the clerk handed her a bill for $450.00.

She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high.

The clerk told her that $4... read more

Conversation between a man and a woman. She asks him 5 or 6 questions that he answers quickly and easily. She, however, will remain silent after answering a question asked by the man:

- woman: "Do you drink beer?"

- man: "Yes"

- Woman: "How many beers do you drink a day?"
... read more

Jim stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing. Finally his exasperated partner asked "What the hell is taking so long?" "My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony" Jim expl... read more

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club when a mobile phone on a bench starts to ring. A man picks it up, engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
"Hello," He says,
"Honey, it's me," says a woman, "are you at the club?"
"Yes," replies the man,
"Well I'm at ... read more

comes home at 3am completely wasted. Staggering into everything he knocks over the tv, breaks all of the china, and passes out on the floor. The next morning he wakes up tucked into bed, with a rose and an I love you note beside the bed. The man walks cautiously into the kitchen, where he smells ba... read more