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Woulda Jokes

The Devil went down to Georgia, tried to raise some Republican cash

And they woulda won, if they hadn't run
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Man comes home early from work on a Thursday and finds his wife in bed with his friend.

He shoots em both dead and ends up in jail. While in jail his best friend comes to visit him and console him. His friend tells him:

"Damn Fred its a wonderful thing you caught this mf in bed with you're wife"

Fred responds "How can you say that man 2 people are dead and im in jail"...

What do you call the Tibetan God of Regret?

The Shoulda Coulda Woulda Buddha.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How I got my car

I was walking down the road when a beautiful woman in a swank car offered me a ride. Before I knew it, we were in the middle of the woods. She got out, took all her clothes off, and told me I could have whatever I wanted. So I took the car. Woulda looked ridiculous in her clothes, anyway.

I found an investment with a 5 dollar initial deposit and $500,000 return upon maturity.

Who woulda thought the ROI would be so high on a condom?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Southern minister began preaching to his congregation about sin

"I know you've sinned, brothers, I want to hear you confess your sins so that you may be forgiven. Tell it all, brothers, tell it all!"

A man in the front row stood up and said "Preacher, I been drinkin'. I been going out on Friday nights and drinkin' with my sorry friends."

The prea...

How do you know a redneck invented the toothbrush?

If it where anyone else it woulda been called a teethbrush

A blonde is speeding down the highway...

When a female officer, another blonde, spots her and pulls her over. She asks the driver for her license...

Blonde driver says, "What's that?"

Blonde Officer : "Its a square with your face on it."

The blonde driver ruffles through her bag and after a few seconds produces a squar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 3 Construction Workers

3 construction workers are sitting on the edge of a high rise they're helping to build, having lunch.

The first one, Alfredo, opens his lunchbox to find spaghetti.
"Mama Mia! Itsa spaghetti again! Ifa I see more spaghetti tomorrow, I'ma gonna jump off anda die!"

The next one, Jua...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Texas Patrol...

Two red necks are speeding through Texas. They fly by a Texas patrol officer who hits the cherries and pulls them over.
The cop approaches the driver who rolls down his window and drawls a defiant- "Whaaat?"
Without saying a word, the officer puts out his baton and whacks the guy in the face...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hooker walks into a bar...

A hooker is sitting at the bar when a date walks up.

“How much for a handjob?”he asks the hooker

$500

$500?!?!? That’s outrageous!

Hooker points out the window to a Ferrari
“Honey, see that Ferrari out there? I bought that car by giving the best handjobs.”

They...

Boudreaux's dead duck

Boudreaux rushed into Doc Robicheaux’s office carrying a duck. He gently placed the duck on the exam table, it lay there limp and not moving.
“Doc, you gotta help my duck”, Boudreaux said.
Doc Robicheaux looked at the duck and shook his head. “Boudreaux, your duck is dead”, he said.
“Doc, y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An intimidating cowboy rides into town on his horse...

This badass cowboy is riding a horse, alone, armed to the teeth, through the desert and comes across a wild west bar.

He hitches his horse and walks in...his boots thumping the floor. The room goes silent. This a guy no one wants to fuck with.

He sits right between two men by the bar, ...

Old School Pirate Crime

Captain Normal Beard the up-and-coming pirate captain and his first mate Clumsy Edward were in desperate need of ink in order to make the numerous treasure maps they were sure create during all of their treasure-filled journeys. More than anything they needed red ink for the illustrious X's that wil...

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