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Wiggles Jokes

What’s the difference between my ex and a bowl of spaghetti?

Spaghetti wiggles when I eat it.

A family of moles on an early breakfast morning.

The big ol papa mole raises his head up out of the hole and smells the air then says "i smell pancakes!"

Then the big ol mama mole sticks her head up out of the hole, smells the air, and says "i smell pancakes!"

Then itty bitty lil ol baby mole wiggles up between big ol papa mole and b...

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her cat in her arms.

"Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"
"No," she cries, "It's too far!"
"I play football. I can catch him!"

The smoke is pouring from the windows. The woman kisses her cat goodbye and tosses it down to the street.
Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward...

You enter the high school lab and see an experiment. How will you know which class is it?

**If it’s green and wiggles, it’s biology.**

**If it stinks, it’s chemistry.**

**If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.**

Jello (nsfw)

What's the difference between Jello and a Dead Hooker?

Jello wiggles when you eat it out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is chasing a leprechaun through a field when finally he catches him

The leprechaun makes a deal with the man. If the man let's him go he'll grant him 3 wishes. The man agrees and states "for my first wish I'll have a pint of Guinness that never runs out". The leprechaun wiggles his fingers and... Bam! A glass of Guinness appears. The man drinks it down, and it refil...

That’s one amazing chimpanzee..

A widow walks into a pet store and approaches one of the sales reps, “My husband died recently and I’ve been feeling really lonely. Do you have any recommendations for a pet to keep me company?”

The sales rep says “What about a dog?”

“No no no, I’ve already had a dog and they’re a lot ...

[LONG] A Man walks into a bar.

A short man, with thick glasses, a calculator in is breast pocket, a huge notebook tucked under his arm, and a pencil behind his ears, walks into a bar.

At this bar they have a contest. On the bar counter is a large jar filled with 100s of dollars, and next to it is a basket of lemons.
...

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polack...

An Irishman, an Italian and a Polack are on death row, awaiting electrocution.
The warden takes the first man, and asks him if he has any last words. He says, 'I'm innocent. Perhaps years from now, evidence will show I"m telling the truth'.
The warden says, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life...

Author's note - Wrote this from memory. When you tell this joke in person, act out the stuff in brackets.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life from a German patrol. One of the benefi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A big tomcat was napping on his owner's back porch

When he hears a commotion from next door. A new family was moving in, and with them was the most gorgeous little cat he had ever laid eyes on. Only one thing stood in his way, a barbed wire fence separating the properties.

Over the next few weeks, the family settles in and the tom continues t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A middle aged man is turning 40 and he's feeling severely depressed,

so he decides he'll treat himself to a prostitute. He and his companion for the evening retire to a motel room and he sits down on the side of the bed. The john starts untying his shoes and eventually slips off his socks.

In utter shock, the lady of the night gasps and says "What the fuck is ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bavarian cream pie (from comedians in cars getting coffee)

A soldier in World War II is in Germany at the end of the war and eats a piece of bavarian cream pie at a cafe. It's the best thing he's ever tasted.

He goes on about his life. Gets married, has a family, raises children, retires. His wife dies. He gets diagnosed with cancer. He has a few m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jews see each other in the street

and one says to the other,

"Did you hear about Moshe?"

"No, I haven't seen him in a couple of years. Why, what's he doing nowadays?"

"Well nothing, he dropped dead last night from a stroke. Funeral's tomorrow morning."

"Oh, that's awful. Well we have to go, but wait a min...

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