UPJOKE
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Whizzing Jokes

why do they call Chicago the windy city?

Because of all the bullets whizzing past.

[Long] One day a Snail decides he’s moving a little too slow..

… so he decides it’s time to get a car. He doesn’t have a lot of money so he buys a used French sedan. The snail is so impressed how fast he gets around town.

From place to place he wizzes by this slug, beetle and worm friends. While that car isn’t a racer by any means, the snail doesn’t kno...

Did you see the bird just sitting there in the road?

It was just sitting there while cars were whizzing by. It didn't even finch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys were sitting in a bar near the top of the Empire State Building

Two guys were sitting in a bar near the top floor of the Empire State Building, having drinks and small talk.
The first guy says, "Man, this building is a structural anomaly."

Then the second. "Yeah, it's amazing how people can build something like this."

"No, you don't understand....

A young man with no arms and no legs dreamed of becoming a fireman.

His mother didn't have the heart to discourage him, even though she knew there was no way he could be a firefighter.

To her surprise, when she picked him up after his interview, he excitedly told her that they had taken him on, he was finally a real firefighter! His mother congratulated him,...

Two Intel operatives are on their way to meet a defector...

Two Spanish intelligence agents get word that a Portuguese agent wants to defect, so they set up a meeting with him. The Chief agent starts to walk into the room, when his partner, Juan Mendoza shouts " No! It's a trap, and pushes the Chief out of the way just before a bullet from the would be detec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Talking dog.

A man was driving through the countryside one day and he passed a nice little cottage and there was a sign outside saying 'Talking dog for sale'

so he pulled into the driveway and knocked on the door. An middle aged man answered.

"I believe you have a talking dog for sale?"

"Yes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old joke my friend use to tell

A man was having a really horrible day, he lost his job, his wife left him and he decided to go to a bar that he'd never been to before. It was on the 42nd floor of a high-rise building, he goes he sets down and orders a drink. After a few moments a man down on the other side of the bar notices him ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was working very hard in his lab one day...

and after countless hours of working, he had finally invented what he thought was the revolution of the century; the time machine.

Being so tired from his work, he decided to take a break and watch some of the latest news. He flipped through a few channels to find the news channel. The repo...

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