My friend was mad that I had to ask him for a quarter for the hundredth time to pay the parking meter. He asked why I never have any on me.

I told him I’ve never carried any coins before and I don’t ever plan to start. I don’t like change.

An old woman in Texas is celebrating her one hundredth birthday.

The local news comes to her birthday party to congratulate her on achieving such an advanced age. They find her in good health and good spirits on her special day. They ask her what her secret to longevity is. She answers immediately and confidently that her method is to eat a tablespoon of gunpowde...

My Grandad lived to one hundred and one...

At his hundredth birthday party, he was asked "what's the secret to such a long life?"


He replied "with every meal I take a couple of drops of nitroglycerin. I think that's what's been keeping me going all these years."


He passed away a few years ago; he left behind 2 child...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is seeing his therapist.

“Doc I have recurring dreams. One night I’m a tepee, the next I’m a wigwam”

“Well, this is an easy one. You’re two tents.”

(I’m new here, so I apologize for the hundredth time this has been posted)

Two men are in a pub...

“I want to kill my wife”, says one. “Why not ask Arti, over there”, says the other man, pointing to a man at the fruit-machine. “Arti over there is a top hitman” the friend goes on. So the man approaches Arti. “Are you Arti the hitman?” asks the man. “Sure am”, replies Arti. “You couldn’t murder my ...

An English teacher pulls his student aside after class and goes off on him.

Every time you forget to properly punctuate your work. Please, it's the hundredth time I've asked you, can't you get it through your thick skull? Seriously, it's not that hard. The last time I told you off was what, a day ago? Every time it's the same thing, the same mistakes. It's not a hard thing ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Skyrim is a lot like sex

The first time is amazing

The second time is nearly as good

But by the hundredth time you've tried everything and the only way you can have fun anymore is to modify the hell out of it and get really really into roleplaying

A hundred steps to heaven

A blonde, brunette, and red-head were given the chance to repent their sins but they each had to get through 100 steps of jokes without laughing, if not God would send them to hell.



The brunette made it to step 17, broke down in tears of laughter, and she was sent to hell.

The ...

Happy Stories Vs Sad Stories

Bob, Rob, and Robert live on the six hundredth floor of an apartment building. One day, the elevators are broken, so they have to take the stairs. To entertain themselves, they decide that for the first 200 floors, Bob will tell happy stories, for the middle 200 floors, Rob will tell funny stories, ...

A lady centipede crosses her legs.....

....."For the one hundredth time, NO!"

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