Once, A long, long time ago, there was a woman who never complained, whined, or nagged.

But, as I said, it was a long long time ago, and only for a day.

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was sur...

A materialist

A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined. "You yuppi...

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A young stock broker had just parked his BMW

As he opened the door, a car zoomed past ripping the door from his car. A police officer happened to be walking past, and quickly ran over to the driver. “Are you alright?”, he asked. The stock broker whined, “My Beemer! Look what he did to my Beemer!” Disgusted the officer growled, “You greedy Wall...

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Long but funny joke (nsfw a tiny bit I guess?)

One day a man was walking down the road and saw a sign on a stable that read "$500 to anyone who can make my horse stop crying" so as any person would do he went to see the horse owner

The horse owned said "i don't know what's wrong with him he just won't stop crying and crying, he has been ...

A vulture and his son

A long time ago, in a very flat place, there lived a teenage vulture named Red. He and his father were the only vultures around, and dined on the various animals that were hit by trucks on the highway. As most teenagers do, Red eventually got tired of his diet of dead things.

"Dad" he whined....

Weights

Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become the next Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department of the sporting goods store.

"Please, Dad," whined the boy, "I promise I'll use them every day."

"I don't know, M...

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Little Timmy woke up one morning desperate to pee.

He bounded out of bed and hurtled across the landing to the main bathroom. Eager not to cause an upset, he carefully prised open the bathroom door.
In the bathroom, Timmy's sister, Lucy, was shaving her legs. Unfortunately, she caught a spot on her razor, causing a stab of pain. Blood started to ...

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A guy tells his wife that he’s going fishing...

His wife starts to complain because she says he never takes her anywhere, so he tells her, “Fine, you can come fishing with me and the dog tomorrow!” The next morning, the husband wakes up and wakes his wife. Now she’s seen that her manipulation has worked a little too well and says, “I don’t want...

The compliment seeking wife...

“Harry,” whined Mary, to her husband of 20 years. “What should I do?! I’m not ready for old age! I’m only 40 years old but I look and feel like I’m over 55! My face is all wrinkly, my back is bent over, and my hair is all thinned out.” “Well,” said Harry after looking her up and down, “There is one ...

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