Optimism n Pessimism

There once were twin boys, age six, that had developed extreme personalities. One was a pessimist the other a total optimist. Concerned, their parents took them to a psychiatrist.

First, the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a roo...

A Lawyer goes shooting and brings down a marvellous pheasant right on Farmer Joe's field...

Knowing the law, he goes over to the farmhouse and knocks on the door, farmer Joe opens, and the Lawyer speaks,

"Excuse me sir, but I'm a lawyer on a shoot, and I happen to have brought down a fairly marvellous pheasant over in your field yonder. Being a lawyer (I happen to have attended an e...

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Oh.. those Marines!

*A Marine walks into a bar and notices a Jar on the counter top with money in it.*

**Marine**: "This is new, what's it for?"

**Bartender**: "Its for our weekly challenge"

**Marine**: "Oh I love challenges, what is it for this week?"

**Bartender**: "Oh this one is a specia...

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A man sees a huge jar of cash sitting on the bar counter.

He asks the bartender what it’s for.
The bartender says “ oh anybody can win that all you have to do is three things! First, you see that huge guy sitting in that dark corner? You have to knock him out. Second, there’s a viscous Rottweiler in the back room over there that has a bad tooth. You h...

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A man is walking by a bar one evening

When he sees a sign in the window with the words “FREE Beer for a year! Inquire within!”
The man, having nothing better to do, decides go in:

“Hey, you’ve got a sign out there talking about free beer, what’s that all about?”

(The bartender)”Oh yeah, I put that up a couple of days ...

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The glass jar

A guy walks into a bar and sees a huge jar filled with money on the counter, he glances at it curiously but doesn't think much else of it, about two beers later he asks the bartender about it. The bartender tells him it's a simple game, you pay $50 to play and then you complete 3 tasks, the man gawk...

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A guy walks into a bar...

notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.

He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the mon...

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[Long] A guy walks into a bar and demands 3 shots of tequila. Bartender obliges and says, "rough day?". "You have no idea!", the guy replies as he slams down the shots...

He begins telling him about his horrible day when a jar full of money at the end of the bar catches his eye. "What's that jar of money for over there? It's full to the brim of $10's and $20's!"

Bartender tells him it's a challenge he offers to his patrons, $10 to play, and you have to complet...

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So this guy walks into a bar...

...and walks up to the bartender. As he is ordering his drink, he sees a jar full of money in the counter.



He then asks the bartender what tha jar is all about, to which he replies with, "Oh, the jar is part of a challenge I decided to set up for the patrons of the bar. Winner takes a...

Bad tooth NSFW

[Warning: NSFW content, long story]

A man walks into a new bar his friends told him about and they decided to check out together. He goes up to the bartender to give a description of his friends and ask him if he's seen them, but before he gets the question off he sees his friends on the far ...

Do all three and get the money

A guy goes into a bar and sees a huge jar filled to the top with money. He asks the bar tender what's with the jar of money?

The bar tender says if you want that money you have to knock out the huge dude at the end of the bar, go back in the alley and pull the sore tooth out of the junkyard...

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A man walks into a bar...

He sees this bucket of money on the bar and asks the bartender what’s up. Bartender tells him they have three tests laid out in order to win this money.

1. Drink this bottle of hot sauce.

2. There is a rabid dog outside with a toothache. Fix it.

3. There is a 72 year old, 450...

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There once was a man in a happy marriage, save for one aspect - his member was so sizable he could not fully insert himself into his wife without causing her pain.

One night, this frustration boiled over, and he headed out to find a bordello - surely, if he was to find a woman to accommodate his size, it would be there.


As he walks into the parlor, he eyes a man behind the counter and tells him his troubles. The man says, "Well, that's a pickle, but...

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So a guy walks into a bar...

On the counter, he sees a jar full of money.

He asks the bartender, “How can I get that money?”

She answers, “It’s simple. First, you have to drink an entire bottle of whiskey all at once. Then, there is a rabid pit bull out back and you have to take out it’s achy tooth. Finally, ther...

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A chance to win money

A man walks in a bar and sees that there is a bucket of money above the bar and there is a sign on it that reads chance to win. The man ask the bartender how? The bartender says you have to do three things, drink a 4 foot bottle of whiskey in 5 mins, there is a 250lb pitbull in the back, and he has ...

"I'm just fine"

A farmer is walking down a country road with his horse and dog on his way home from the fields. A truck hits them, the farmer is injured while the horse and dog are killed in the accident.

Later, the farmer takes the driver to court to sue for damages, while giving his statement the truck dri...

Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar

A blind guy with a guide dog walks into a bar. Suddenly, he yanks on the dog's leash, swings it above his head, and smashes tables and chairs with the poor yelping animal while the patrons flee in fear.
After he's wrecked the place and stopped swinging the dog, he picks up a stool, sits dow...

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Divorcee

Heard this from a friend a couple years back...

A man named Ted has recently been divorced. It was ugly; his wife got the dog, the nice house in the suburbs and the car, and Ted is forced to stay in a shitty motel in an even shittier part of town. Depressed and with nothing left to lose, Ted...

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Blind guy walks into a Walmart.

A blind guy walks into Wal-Mart with his seeing eye dog. He gets to the middle of the store, proceeds to grab the dog by the tail and starts swinging it around in circles. The dog yelping all the while with people staring in astonishment. The manager goes running over screaming "what the fuck are y...

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A Dog Walks Into Bar...

A dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "We don't serve dogs in here," pulls out a pistol and shoots the dog in a hind paw. The dog hops yelping out of the bar.

The next day the dog walks back into the bar with a huge bandage on his hind foot. He's wearing a ten-gallon h...

A guy walks into a bar...

He sees a jar of money on the bar. He asks the man sitting next to him, "What's the jar of money for?"

The man replies, "It's for the contest".

"What's the contest?"

"I can't tell you until you put $50 in the jar to enter". The man dismisses him, losing interest. He drinks a fe...

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A man walks into a bar [NSFW]

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of 20 dollar bills on the table. He asks the bartender what the jar was for.

"We're having a contest" the bartender replies. "You put a 20 dollar bill in the jar and then have to complete 3 challenges. If you can complete them succesfully, you get th...

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"The Bar Challenge"

A man walks into a bar, there are several $100 bills taped to the cabinet. After a few drinks, he asks the bartender about the bills.

"Those? That's our Bar Challenge. You pony up $100, complete 3 tasks, and all the money is yours."

The man asks, "What are the 3 tasks?"

"Well...

Jar Full of $10 Bills

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the ...

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Man takes the gallon tequila challenge.

A man after work stops by a pub for a drink. After sitting down he notices a sign saying "Finish the gallon tequila challenge and win free drinks for life." When the bartender approached, the man inquired and the bar tender explained, "nobody has ever finished it as of yet. First you must finish a g...

So a blonde goes to the hospital...

and tells the doctor that everywhere she touches she suffers emense pain. She procceeds to touch her elbow and yelps in pain. She then procceeds to touch her forehead, her leg, her arms all with the same result of her yelping in pain. The doctor then procceeds to examin all the places she touched wi...

A man walks into a pub...

... And orders his regular ale from the landlord.
The landlord duly pours him the pint, places it on the bar, but as the man reaches for it a dog runs in, grabs the pint, downs it and runs out the door.
"That's very strange" exclaims the landlord, "let me get you another".
So the landlord ...

A Texan Is Walking Around Rural Ireland With A Very Aggressive & Dangerous Looking Pit Bull On A Leash.

He passes a ramshackle farm with an old man standing outside of it leaning on the gatepost & smoking a pipe who is looking very curiously at the pit bull.

Farmer:- "Bejaysus, what kind of dog is that??....NEVER seen one like it before!!"

Texan:- "Well sir, this here is what you cal...

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