A board game wherein players have to figure out who gave them an STD.

New from Johnson & Johnson: Clue-midia.

There is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A vo...

I have a spreadsheet wherein I track all the chocolate toffee bars I've eaten.

It's my Heath ledger.

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer,” and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb,” do hereby and forthwith agree t...

Have you heard about the band 999MB?

They haven't gotten a gig yet.



Edit to clarify: There are two systems. More people know about the one wherein 1024MB = 1GB. However, the IEC proposed a new one where 1000MB = 1GB. This change isn't well known, but it is more accurate. Sorry for the confusion!

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So on a flight, there is a woman who is sneezing.

Now see, this woman is sneezing very vigorously. Eventually, a man leans over and asks ‘what’s wrong?’
The woman replies, ‘I have a very rare condition wherein every time I sneeze I orgasm.’
The man replies, ‘oh why that sounds terrible! What medication are you taking for it?’
The woman smi...

A lawyer, an engineer and an accountant are applying for a job

at the job interview, they each get asked the same simple question, and are told to justify their answer. The question is, "what is two plus two?"

The lawyer takes out his briefcase and produces the 1978 docket wherein the case of Casey vs the State, two plus two was proven to be four.
...

The oldest profession...

Three professionals, a Doctor, a Lawyer and a Civil Servant, were discussing which of their professions was the oldest. The Doctor reminded his colleagues of the Bible, wherein it is stated that God took one of Adam's ribs to create Eve. That was a medical procedure, and so medicine is clearly the o...

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A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire.

A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive.

He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage:

The Spaniard will be in ch...

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One evening, a vicar has a brilliant idea.

Wouldn't it be wonderful, he thinks, to have a parrot in the church doorway to greet the congregation as they arrive on Sundays.

So, next morning, he gets up bright and early, and heads off to the nearest pet shop, where he enquires about parrots.

They have but one parrot in stock, and...

Wolverine, Nightcrawler and Cyclops heard of the birth of Jesus and decided to pay him a visit

They had travelled many miles following a star, until they came to Bethlehem.

Finally, the found the stable wherein the tiny baby lay in a manger, watched over by his mother Mary.

They knelt before the babe and asked of his mother, "May we worship the holy child?"

Sadly she s...

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The First Lady is touring a hospital......

...and wants to go into the "Special Cases" ward. The head doctor looks a little nervous, but agrees and takes her into the ward. Inside the first room they come to, she spies a man on a bed, red-faced and puffing loudly as he masturbates at a furious pace.
Shocked, the First Lady scowls at the d...

The Perfect Family

Samantha Ritter thought her life couldn't be any better. Her husband, Dyl, was always there when she needed him and they both had excellent well-paying jobs. Their teenage son, Jeffrey, had never been anything other than polite, loving, and exceptionally bright. He was a straight A student, and also...

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Awkward Dinner Party

A young child was enjoying a cool drink in his room when he heard noises coming from his parents room. He proceeded to the room, wherein he found his parents arguing. His father called his mother a bitch and his mother called his father a bastard. Later on that day he asked his mother, "mummy what d...

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