UPJOKE

Weight Watchers Jokes

I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women.

There were tons of girls there, just not very many.

I was kicked out of my weight watchers meeting yesterday, because I spilled a bag of M&M's on the floor.

It was the best game of Hungry, Hungry Hippo I've ever seen.

Yesterday I was at a Weight Watchers party but nobody mentioned obesity.

There were just too many elephants in the room.

the local weight watchers had an alumni meeting

Everyone who showed up was a looser

Just joined Weight Watchers online program

They asked me to accept cookies as a test. I did and never I receive it. I guess that's part of the program...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just tried to set up an account on the Weight Watchers website.

Asked me "will you accept cookies?", the piss-taking bastards.

I’ve put on weight so I called Weight Watchers and asked if they could send someone round…

They said ‘Yeah we can, we’ve got loads of them’.

The first few weeks of Weight Watchers...

You're just finding your feet

DJ Khaled was featured in a Weight Watchers commercial for losing weight...

...He must have stopped eating out...

What file system do Weight Watchers' computers use?

exFAT

A fire broke out at a Weight Watchers meeting today.

Members could be heard screaming, "Walk for your lives!"

How many pounds does DJ Khaled plan to lose with Weight Watchers?

Another one

I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women [FIXED]

Turns out they're way harder to pick up than I thought.

At my first Weight Watchers meeting....

the group leader asked each of us why we wanted to lose weight. When it was her turn, one woman started to sob. "I vowed to lose weight when my husband bought me something too small for me to fit in." The leader replied, "Oh, that's too bad. Was it a dress?" "No, a Porsche!"

I walked up to a female member of staff in Tesco today and said, "Do you know where the Weight Watchers meals are?"

"I'm afraid not," she replied, "It's my first day."

"Fair enough," I said, "Let me show you."

You may think it's a good idea to go to weight watchers to meet women...

but actually the ones there are quite hard to pick up.

Yo mama's so fat....

Even her hopes and dreams are on weight watchers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of masturbation...

Still got me kicked out of my weight watchers meeting though.

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I genuinely just copied and pasted this off the weight watchers website

How do you play a big game of Hungry Hippos?

Go to a weight watchers meeting and roll Maltesers down the middle of their meeting circle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

church bulletin bloopers

*These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:*
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for ...

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