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Mahogany Jokes

My girlfriend got mahogany breast implants yesterday.

I think this joke would be more funny with a punchline.


wooden tit?

I got caught stealing a killer whale made of mahogany.

That's orca wood.

If I have to have a mastectomy, I'm opting for a beautifullly sculpted mahogany replacement.

That'd be nice, wooden tit.

What’s the difference between Monogamy and Mahogany?

Wood

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There's nothing I love more than monogamy and mahogany.

I've been having sex with the same coffee table for 15 years.

A sculptor made a beautiful hard drive from mahogany...

but it was all bark and no bytes

Good British Humour....

During World War II, many exclusive British Clubs opened their doors to American Servicemen. 

One evening at a 300-year-old Club, an American  NCO stopped a steward  in a hallway and asked, “Hey Mac, where’s the damn Loo?” 

The Steward, who looked like Jeeves replied, “Glad to be of se...

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Went to the doctors office and described the stomach pains I’m having

He asks me to give him a stool sample

I go to the bathroom and return soon after with a beautiful mahogany wood table.

The doctor is not amused and kicks me out of his office.

I continue to shit furniture

The nightmare goes on

What’s a termite do when it gets bored?

Oh, you know, anything to break up the mahogany.

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A blind man interviews for a job at a lumber company and the interviewer doubts the man’s abilities. He says, “how could you possibly be qualified for this job?”, to which the man replied, “I can tell any type of wood just by the smell. “

A blind man interviews for a job at a lumber company and the interviewer doubts the man’s abilities. He says, “how could you possibly be qualified for this job?”, to which the man replied, “I can tell any type of wood just by the smell. “
The interviewer doubts this and sets up a test of the m...

So a cardiologist in a small town died

He was very well loved in the town, and every other doctor in the area came to his funeral. At the end they lowered him into the ground in a wondrous mahogany casket, shaped like a heart, lined with red velvet. It was a beautiful affair, but marred by a woman in the front row who couldn't stop lau...

A man and a Dog, and the extremely unusual funeral...

A man and his wife are walking down the town main street. They are arguing, as they always do, about the efficiency of wearing masks during the pandemic.

However, they have to stop because of a funeral procession that is actively going on. The procession was extremely unusual... Everyone is w...

Tourist mementos.

Artifacts and gifts for tourists are a major portion of an Indian reservation's economy.

Thousands of visitors tour reservations each year and will not leave without purchasing at least one memento of traditional Indian culture.

One enterprising Native American was able to outsell all ...

A tourist driving across rural England decided to stay the night in a small town.

The only place with rooms available was a quaint English pub, The George and Dragon, which had a lovingly painted sign with a Knight beside a defeated dragon blowing in the evening breeze.

Entering the bar room, which while empty had a roaring fire against the back wall, leather padded booths...

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A college kid was hitchhiking through the hills of Scotland

A college kid was hitchhiking through the hills of Scotland, when, as is the custom in such areas, an unexpected rainstorm came up. Seeking shelter, he found an old stone pub with a light on, and stumbled in through the front door. The pub was painfully small, with just a handful of stools, a bark...

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A building supplies company placed an ad for an experienced warehouse person for their warehouse operation...

Bright (not that he could see it) and early the next morning in walks a guy wearing dark glasses and using a white cane.

"I've come about the timber sorting position", he tells the lady at reception.

A bit taken aback, she goes to get her husband, the boss.

He takes one look at...

A preacher and a NYC taxi driver arrive at the Pearly Gates...

Saint Peter takes the NY taxi driver first. Giving him a golden cloak, a mahogany staff, and lead him to the nicest part of Heaven. The preacher smirked to himself thinking he was in for an even better afterlife, for after all, the other guy was just a taxi driver. When Saint Peter handed him a silv...

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A rich, eccentric man owns a museum of giant, alphabet-shaped objects.

The grand opening is planned for soon. He's filled up most of his exhibits, but he's still looking for a final touch to the Q room. He puts up an online ad campaign and waits to hear back, delaying the opening until he can find a good Q. After about a month, he's about to give up and close down the ...

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The Broken Grandfather Clock

A man once owned a beautiful grandfather clock (well, he probably still does, but let's put that aside for now). Now, when I saw the grandfather clock was beautiful, I mean absolutely gorgeous. The clock stood nearly 6 feet tall, made from the most splendid mahogany wood, accompanied by intricate ha...

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One from Sir Paul McCartney

A man is lost in Ireland. It is the middle of the night, and he his looking for a some sign of life. After a few hours of looking, he sees a building on top of a small hill with lights on. He follows a fence up, and notices how good the fence is. It was a very well made, solidly built, straight fenc...

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Voodoo d***. (INAPPROPRIATE)

A man and a woman get married, and they have the best sex. Better than most people would think, and their sexual compatibility is a large part of their relationship. One day, the husband finds out that he needs to go on a business trip that will last a couple of months. He decides that in order to k...

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An Irishman, stricken with severe insomnia, decides he needs go for a late night walk..

Figures it’d be best if he got some fresh air and such, as he highly doubts that he'll be falling asleep anytime soon. So, he slips into his boots, throws on a jacket, and heads out the door. Not 5 minutes later, he comes across a freshly painted white picket-fence that leads to an unfamiliar bar on...

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