A guy goes into a restaurant. It is quite full, so he goes and sits down at a table vis-à-vis a man reading a newspaper.

He waits and waits a long time without being served and he starts to glance over to the bowl of soup, which is seemingly untouched by the guy with the newspaper.

After a while his hunger gets too bad, he grabs the bowl and the spoon and starts eating. It doesn't taste very good, it seems to ...

Where do the Na'vi go when they get sick?

The ICU.

King Felipe VI is self isolating in his jet

The reign in Spain stays mainly in the plane.

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A woman walks into a sex shop and asks the man at the counter, "D..d..d..do y..y...you hav..hav...have vi..vi...vibrators?", she says stuttering

"Why yes, maam, we do."

"D..d...d...do you hh...h..ha..have th...the b..b....bbig ones?"

"Yes maam, we do."

"How d...d....d...do you t...t...turn them o..o...off?

To whoever stole my shoes and hi-vis vest

You can run but you can't hide

Obscure historical joke... Mithridates VI walks into a bar...

The bartender asks, "So, what's your poison?"

Why were Star Wars Episodes IV, V, and VI released before Episodes I, II, and III?

Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.

Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Me: That’s when I went to Yale...

Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.

Me: Thanks. I really need this yob.

I have lots of viking jokes. I came up with all of them, but I dont know if they are original.

Musical viking = Vising.
Viking ok motorcycle = Biking.
Viking that rules = ViKing.
Viking with glasses =Veyeking.
Viking that is leaving = Byeking.
Viking that enjoys = Liking.
Viking who lies = Lieking.
Viking in forest = Hiking.
Viking with weed = Highking.
Viking in ai...

Sean Bean is the Narrator for Civilization VI

So I guess he dies after the Bronze Age or ...?

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Italy, year VI of the Fascist Era.

A very very poor farmer is desperate. He doesn't have food, money or clothes for his children. He's so desperate that he decides to write a letter to God, asking for 500 lire (Italian money).

So he takes a pen and some paper, writes the request, and encloses it in an envelope. Now he has to ...

I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman Numerals

IM LIVID

The name of the sixth Norwegian king?

VI KING

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Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of the...

So I discovered that the creatures from avatar have come up with a new business idea.

They’ll let you rent a tribesman as a father figure over the Christmas period.

I heard they’re being called For lease na’vi Dads

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This is OC just made it up 2 minutes ago

So a teacher starts class by talking about responsibility, and says, “As you know, we’re all human, and we all make mistakes, but...” and just then, Johnny raised his hand, and the teacher called on him.

“Actually, I’ve never made a mistake.”

“There’s no way on earth Johnny, everyone ...

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The little builder

A cute golden-haired pre-schooler notices that they are building a house next door, and she starts hanging around the site and asking the builders about everything they are doing. They think she's adorable, so they find her a little hard hat and hi-vis, and they set her up in a corner of the yard wi...

A Lena and Sven Joke

Lena went to the doctor a few weeks ago with some problems that Sven had in bed. "Ya know, Sven hasn't been performing as well, I vas vondering what vi could do anything about it" The doctor said"I have this new experimental drug that increase performance, but I warn you it's experimental. Just slip...

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A husband bought his wife a new sex toy for her birthday...

and it was voice operated. It was newest model of Vibro-dick: self-propelled and voice activated.

He brought it home to his from the sex shop in a gift wrapped box with a bow. She unwrapped the box and was surprised.

"Honey, I've never used a sex toy. I don't know if I'll like."
...

A blonde takes part in a game show

[Disclaimer: I don't know whether this counts as a joke, if not please tell me which subreddit would be suitable, 'cause it's actually a pretty fun "story"]

First question: how long did the Hundred Years War last?

a) 99 years

b) 116 years

c) 100 years

d) 150 years<...

My grandfather was in the war

He got bored one day in the trenches so he invented the Hi-Vis Jacket.

Was the last thing he ever did

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A blonde participates in the television show Who wants to be a millionaire...

The TV host asks her the following questions:

1st
How long did the 100-year war last?

a) 116 years
b) 99 years
c) 100 years
d) 150 years

The blonde chooses to use the opportunity not to respond.

2nd
In which country did you find the Panama Cabin?

a) ...

How many Kings does it take to viciously destroy a room full of lightbulbs ?

Vi Kings

Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.

When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing panties. The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."

What do Russians say when they agree on something

So-vi-et

Why do people think Henry the Sixth was a Norseman?

Because he was a VI KING.

Loving relationship with your husband.

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked:

'How many of you love your husbands?'

All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband yo...

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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1) How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, one to change the light buld and the other 9 to say "that should be me up there"
2) How many gays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one but it takes a whole emergancy room to screw it back out again
3) How many English men does it ...

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