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Judgmental Jokes

People are too judgmental nowadays.

I can tell just by looking at them.

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Folks in my hometown are so judgmental!

I(40) tried to take my wife(19) out for a nice dinner and everyone kept staring and calling me a paedophile! It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary!

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What did the lispy clerk say to the judgmental jewel thief

That is none of your Bismuth

Why are tall people so judgmental?

They always look down on people.

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What do you call a gathering of judgmental Catholics?

Critical Mass.

A man buys adult diapers

The clerk asks "are you one of those weirdos with a diaper fetish?" with a judgmental look on his face



The man says "no, I'm an Amazon warehouse employee."



The clerk says "Ah, I understand now."

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Satan: Just because me and Santa have similar names doesn’t mean we’re anything alike.

For example, one is a judgmental bastard who punishes you for being bad and the other is the ruler of all hell.

Everything was going great with me and my girlfriend until she told me she used to be a Christian. I wouldn't put up with it, so I dumped her.

Call me judgmental all you want, but I have only known her since she was Christine.

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Thanks Google Nest....

I get a notice on my phone saying a unknown person was seen walking in the house early morning...shows a picture of me.... well.. fuck you to you judgmental asshole lol

My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian.

So I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I’ve only ever known and loved her as Christine

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The Girl with the Wooden Eye

Another of my old man's jokes...

A girl and her friend are sitting in a busy night club where lots of people are dancing. The friend says, 'Honey, you should find someone to dance with.' The girl says, " I don't know, I'm so self conscious about my wooden eye. Guys always stare at it and make...

St Peter at the Pearly Gates

St Peter was sitting at the Pearly Gates when two blokes wearing hoodies arrived.
St Peter looked out and said: "Wait here. I shall be right back.''
St Peter went over to God's chambers and told him who was waiting to come in.
God said to Peter:" How many times do I have to tell you, you ca...

Ineffective Daily Affirmations

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employ...

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