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Vaccines Jokes

Why isn't holy water used in vaccines?

Because you can't take the lord's name in vein.

I was going to finalize my research as to why vaccines are bad today

But all of the research sites are down.

How to make Americans take vaccines

Tell them immigrants are coming to America to take all their vaccines.

Doctor: "Sorry, sir, we have no more vaccines for American citizens, we gave them all to illegal immigrants."

Patient: "They took our jabs!"

After dying the anti-vaxxer meets God. "God, please tell me who is behind the conspiracy to give people autism with vaccines?"

"Nobody," says God. "There is no conspiracy, and vaccines do no cause autism."

"THEY GOT TO YOU TOO?! HOW FAR UP DOES THIS GO?!"

Tennis ace Novak Djokovic has refused to take the Coronavirus vaccines

He's now known as Novax Djokovic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Jesus and vaccines?

One has the ability to prevent disease, slow down and eventually stop a global pandemic, and has saved countless millions of lives.

The other is a giant hoax, made up by evil shit bags to control the global population.

People said I was crazy for getting mixed vaccines

But I like to think of myself as a Modern-izer

No one ever listens to me about vaccines.

I have heard immunity.

My Wife wore a "Vaccines cause autism" shirt

She was insulted, punched and spit on

Not to imagine what would have happened if she left the house!

What contains the letters a,u, t, and s and is caused by vaccines?

Adults

I saw a lady protesting at the capital grounds with a sign that read " vaccines contain aborted fetus' "

I couldn't believe it, how can she be protesting something like that I thought.

I marched right up to her and said "you think that's bad? Johnson and Johnson makes organic baby oil"

TIL that children that don't get vaccines are actually less likely to be autistic

Cause they're more likely to be dead.

I found out how vaccines cause autism,

Vaccinated kids live long enough to be diagnosed with autism.

Vaccines are a gateway drug.

To concerts and air travel.

The good news is that they've started shipping the COVID vaccines.

The bad news is that they are shipping them on the 737 MAX.

Last year, kids were eating tide pods. This year, they're getting vaccines and picking up trash.

Seems that eating tide pods makes you smart!

God will protect me from COVID-19.

A good Christian man walked into Walmart and was offered a mask by the store greeter. The man politely declined saying God would protect him from Covid. Later the man went to his doctor for a routine check up. The doctor told him everything is fine and they also have all three different types of the...

A New Scientific Study on Vaccines

A new scientific study came out recently proving a correlation between vaccines and adults with autism.
The reason given to this correlation was the children without vaccines died before becoming adults

As a doctor, I feel uncomfortable making jokes about people who refuse to take flu vaccines.

But let me give it a shot.

[OC] What is the one thing anti-vaxxers hate more than vaccines?

Giving their child a long, healthy life

For anybody who doesn't believe vaccines cause autism...

My Douglas was vaccinated and is now nearly five years old. He has still not learned to speak a single word, cannot dress himself and is not even able to use the toilet.

Don't let vaccines ruin your dog's life too.

Vaccines are like jokes

Not everyone gets them, but the smart ones do.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife: All I’m saying is that vaccines are more dangerous then the diseases they prevent!

Husband: did you know that the skin your lips are made of is the same as your asshole?

Wife: What does that have to do with anything?!

Husband: Well, it explains why everything that comes out of your mouth is complete shit.

The NHS has just revealed a list of long-term side effects of vaccines!

- Old age
- Grey hair
- General decrease of diseases

What's the difference between anti-vaxxers and vaccines?

Needles actually have a point.

Vaccines are terrible...

Because you have to pay child support!

My girlfriend is getting the covid vaccine

She was worried about bill gates tracking us. I said don't worry, he's been watching us for years anyway through the windows.

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