UPJOKE
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Vaccinated Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

A friend of mine, a mother of four, refused to have her children vaccinated.

Edit: mother of three...
Edit: mother of two...
Edit: mother of one...


*Thanks for the upvotes, never thought I'd make it to the front page!!

Non-vaccinated children are less likely to have autism

Because autism is rarely diagnosed before the age of 3

President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home

After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unvaccinated kids have been found to have lower IQ's than vaccinated children.

Can't blame them, their parents are dumb as fuck.

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer’s.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

I heard they're not letting Eminem get fully vaccinated.

They told him "you only get one shot."

Do you know why more vaccinated than unvaccinated children have autism?

Because you have to be alive to be autistic

I'm vaccinated against chicken pox AND monkey pox.

I'm 2Pox Secure.

I tried to tell some of my vaccinated friends a joke about measles.

But they just didn't get it.

How can you know for sure whether someone is really vaccinated?

Ask them who won the election.

Why do vaccinated people don't appreciate a Covid joke

They usually just don't get it

Vaccinated kids are more likely to develop autism

The unvaccinated die before they get the chance

Great news! The U.S. is now 61.7% fully vaccinated ...

... and 28.4% fully dewormed.

You know why vaccinated children are more likely to have autism?

They live past the age of three

Just got vaccinated!

Nothing special really, but you do get tired and just want to go home and browse Internet Explorer or Edge.

my girlfriend got vaccinated today

now she wont hold any air

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I only have sex with vaccinated women

Well just as well, they don't mind a little prick.

William Shakespeare came to get vaccinated.

Nurse: Which arm?

Shakespeare: As You Like It

Nurse: Was that painful?

Shakespeare: Much Ado About Nothing

Nurse: You will have to have a second jab.

Shakespeare: Measure For Measure

Nurse: So what do you think of the general awareness with regard to Covi...

how many people have been vaccinated all across the globe?

i dont have the exact number, but its probably moderna few.

Do you know what game non-vaccinated kids play?

Marco Polio.

Now that I am vaccinated I can joke about Covid

Here are a few.

———————

Day 251 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”

———————

Nail salons, hair salons, waxing centres and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there!

———————

What’s the best way...

What do you call a tennis player who doesn’t get vaccinated?

No-vac Djokovic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having sex with my husband is like getting vaccinated.

You may feel a small prick.

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine. the doctor tries to persuade them

the extrovert denies

" you won't be able to go to public gatherings anymore"

the extrovert agrees to take it



the alcoholic denies

"you will ha...

This person told me "When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!"

Alas, swine flu.

A new study shows that un-vaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

because they are more likely to be dead.

I'm the happy father of 5 kids and none are vaccinated!

Edit: 4 kids

Edit 2: 2 kids

Edit 3: i will have a kid in just 9 months!

Got vaccinated, avoided swine flues. Got vaccinated, avoided bird flues. Then I bought a house with two fireplaces.

Got chimney flues.

Why did the Asian guy have his kid vaccinated?

Because it's cheaper than a funeral.

Why was the un-vaccinated 3 year old crying?

He was having a midlife crisis!

I already got vaccinated with the Russian COVID-19 vaccine

And I can təll you not to woяяy! I still doи't seə anч sidə efectoski secundarioski и меня зовут Лопес Обрадор, и я коррумпирован и лжец и почему я даю чистые прямые награды

I once made a post about un vaccinated children

*It died in new*

Not being vaccinated is a good thing.

My parents never tell me to grow up

What do you call the vaccinated twin?

Designated survivor.

Anti vaccinated kids show no sign of autism

Because autism isn’t detected until age 3

Why wouldn’t Karen the idiot get her dogs vaccinated?

She was afraid they’d get Pawtism.

I found out how vaccines cause autism,

Vaccinated kids live long enough to be diagnosed with autism.

A friend of mine went to take the vaccine for covid yesterday

After getting vaccinated, his vision was blurred and when he reached home, he called the hospital that gave him the vaccine for advice asking if he should be hospitalized.

The hospital told him to come back and collect his glasses

A dyslexic friend recently got vaccinated.

Now she’s artistic!

It's true that vaccinated kids have higher chances of becoming autistic

Because they actually live to develop it

I just vaccinated my kids.

Hope they stop bending my ear now.

I decided not to get my cat vaccinated

I didn’t want him to get pawtism

My kids would probably die if I vaccinated them.

That’s why I let the nurse do it.

Why is it that your dogs have to be vaccinated to go to the park and daycare, but your kids don’t have to be?

Because it’s sad when a dog dies.

What do you call an un-vaccinated fat kid?

Roly Polio

Vaccines

Did you hear about Fred? He passed away.

Really? That's so sad. What happened?

He got vaccinated yesterday and died this morning.

Oh, no. I knew that vaccines were harmful. It killed him!

Actually, he got hit by a car, a Mercedes. So he died from the Benz.

Dark jokes are a lot like un vaccinated children

They never get old

Non vaccinated

I don't believe in vaccines for my children. FDR never had the polio vaccine and he was President for 12 years.

Let me tell you a story about a not vaccinated kid

Dont worry, it will be over soon

I have five kids and none of them will ever be vaccinated.

Do you have any idea how expensive college is?

Why is autism less frequently diagnosed in non vaccinated kids?

You gotta be alive to have autism.

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