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Vacations Jokes

A Man Vacations in Spain

While he's there, he decides to get a tattoo to remember the trip by. Just his luck, though, the tattoo get infected. The local who has been showing him around notices the next day and offers to lend a hand.

"I know a guy who specializes in this exact thing," the local says. "He's a friend of...

My partner and I can never agree on vacations.

I want to go to exotic islands and stay in 5 star hotels. She wants to come with me.

Three nuns are sitting on a bench talking about their vacations...

The first nun says, 'I just got back from Brazil, and they had the biggest bananas I've ever seen. They were this thick, and this long!', holding up her fingers to show the width and her hands to show the length.

The second nun says, 'Well I just got back from Florida, and they had the bigg...

Why don't mummies like vacations?

They're afraid to unwind!

Happy Spooky Month!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vacations

In Amsterdam you get stoned and have sex.

In Dubai you have sex and get stoned.

I just told my luggage there will be no vacations this year.

Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.

Where do music loving cats go to for vacation

Sing-a-purr
(I know it’s cheap, I’ll see myself out)

My librarian wife is very good at planning our vacations

She knows how to book a trip

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends meet after a couple years, and they start talking about vacations.

The first one says: "3 years ago, I went to the Maldives for Christmas, and guess what, my wife got pregnant!"

"That's awesome!" Says the other guy.

"And two Christmases ago" continues the first guy "I went to Hawaii, and she got pregnant again!"

"Wow, I'm so, so happy for you"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family is checking in to a hotel on vacation

So the father of the family says to the hotel clerk
"I hope that all the adult channels will be disabled"

And the clerk replies
"They're all just regular adult channels you sick fuck"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An extraterrestrial couple is spending vacations on Earth

They are very curious about human sexuality, so they find a human couple who are willing to exchange partners for one night.

They discretely meet at a secluded place with two rooms. In one room, the male alien unzips his bodysuit and reveals a 16 inch dick. Looking worried, the woman says:...

I came back to work after a weeks vacation

Several of my customers asked "Haven't seen you in a while, where you been?"
I just said "I had to go back to the state I moved from to help locate a few homicide victims "

They said "Oh! Are you a forensics expert?"

I replied "No, serial killer "

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