UPJOKE
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I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman.

I will never keep lube and glue in the same drawer ever again.

Please help me I'm trapped. In a Haiku factory.

Save me before they

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I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement.

At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'

I too was a male trapped in a female's body

until the doctors pulled me out of the womb.

What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl?

Mr. President.

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body

Then I was born

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As I walked into the park at 7am, I saw a man had been trapped under a fallen tree

He saw me and shouted “Get Help!”.

I replied “Fuck Off!” and took a swig from my bottle of vodka. “I can quit anytime I want!”.

You heard about the trapped miners forced to eat moles to survive ?

They were living on burrowed time

What do you call the fear of being trapped in a chimney?

Claus-trophobia.

Trump and Biden are trapped on island. Who survives?

America

A women is out golfing and finds a frog trapped in the woods...

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog sa...

Three women are trapped on a deserted island

Three women, a blonde, a brunette and a red head are trapped on a deserted island, but can see in the distance land with obvious signs of civilization.

On the first day the brunette decides to swim to the next shore, she makes it about 1/4 of the way before she realizes she can't make it and...

Didja hear about the guy whose wife got trapped in a vatful of ink?

She dyed.

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Superman is taking an evening stroll past the church when the Minister runs down the steps calling for his help.

"Superman, we need your help, a wall has collapsed in the basement, some workmen are trapped!" says the Minister.

"No way" said Superman "I'm not going near the crypt tonight".

If you were trapped in JellO

I'd eat you out...

Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped…

"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch.

It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.

"That's *amazing!!"* says the second caterpillar. "How in th...

Three blondes are trapped in an elevator

and one of them says

"OK girls we have to do something to get help"

"I think that we should all shout on three" says the other.

They all agree.

"OK, I'll count" says the third

1

2

3

"ON THREE"

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A man was trapped under a bench press

A man in the gym was at the bench press when the barbell fell on top of him. Despite them being strong, no one could lift the barbell off of him so the man that was trapped tells someone to call a therapist which they do. When the therapist arrives, he asks the man why he called him and the man says...

I have come to the realization that I am, in fact, a man trapped inside a woman's body…

In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have put the lube next to the glue…

A large apartment building is on fire, and people are trapped...

The first firefighters on scene notice that a couple is in a window 10 stories up, frantically waving their arms. They have a baby, and the smoke and fire is getting thick. The firefighters know that their ladder can't reach that high, and desperately try to come up with a plan.

A bystander,...

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Three climbers were trapped atop a cliff with no way down.

After exhausting any feasible options a genie appeared to them. He said, "I'll help you down, but you must do as I say. One by one, I want you to sprint to the edge and leap off the cliff. When you jump you must speak something, and that is what you will land upon."

The first climber ran to t...

My son is a boy trapped in a womans body

He's coming out in 6 months

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Trapped in a room.

A genie appears in front of a man, who then demands the genie grant him three wishes. The genie, offended, traps the man in a room closed off completely on all 6 faces. The genie appears in the room next to the man and says:
“I will leave you a wooden table, a pack of cigarettes, a hand saw, and ...

Two men and a pig are trapped on a deserted island

A month in and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to kill the pig.

A month later and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to bury the pig.

One more month and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to dig the pig back up again.

Two blondes were trapped in an elevator.

Two blondes were trapped in an elevator. One was crying in the corner and the other one was shouting, ''HELP! HELP!" Then the one crying had an idea, ''Why don't we shout together?'' "Okay," said the other blonde. ''TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"

Attorney: My client is trapped in a penny

Judge: What?

Attorney: He's in a cent.

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are trapped on a desert island....

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are trapped on a desert island. They have been stuck there for 5 days and have run out of food and water. In desperation they all go to the beach where they stumble upon a magic lamp.

They rub the lamp and a Genie pops out and says to the trio, "Thank you f...

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A gorilla was strolling through the jungle when he came upon a lion trapped in quicksand (nsfw)

"Save me, gorilla!" shouted the lion. "Drowning in the quicksand is no way for the king of the jungle to die!"

The gorilla quickly grabbed the lion by the rear and started pounding him in the ass.

When he finished he yanked the lion from the quicksand, tossed him as far as he could, an...

I felt sorry for the sea world animals trapped in enclosures. So I fed them some fish laced with hashish.

It felt good to serve a higher porpoise.

Oregon fires trapped cattle on a pot farm...

...the farm made up the majority of the surrounding town’s economy so an unprecedented rescue effort ensued.

Unfortunately, It all burned to the ground and the steaks couldn’t have been higher...

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trapped underground in a collapsed mine.

After some exploring of the area, they come across three rations of canned food that they all agree will allow them to survive for a few more days. Naturally, they all decide that each of them should have one of the three cans of food; unfortunately, none of them possess anything with which to open...

A man was trapped in a burning building...

...on the 12th floor. He ran to the open window and saw a fireman approaching on a long ladder. He felt so relieved to be saved. Before climbing out the window he yelled to the fireman,
"What should I do? Should I go down with you on the ladder, or should I jump to the ground?"
The fireman sa...

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A virgin is trapped in the woods on a deserted island

A virgin is trapped in the woods on an island which appears to be deserted. However, once he sets up camp, some indigenous people tie him up and capture him.

The man is pretty ugly, so the tribe decides he is probably a virgin. The leader proclaims, "It is as prophesied: the gods have brought...

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped in the woods.

Finally, the trio realize they are lost and decide to hunker down and make camp. They're hungry and decide to hunt.

The brunette goes first and comes back with a rabbit. The blonde and redhead are impressed.

"How'd you do that?" they ask.

"Simple," replies the brunette. "Found t...

A bard and a priest are trapped amid rising floodwaters.

"What are we gonna do?!" Screams the bard.

"Quick," the priest says,"Give me your guitar!"

"We're going to die and you want to play guitar?!" The bard exclaims.

"Trust me."

And with a single strum, a white light envelops them. When the light clears, they find themselves o...

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Three guys trapped on an island

[NSFW][LONG]

Three guys get trapped on an island with cannibals. They get caught and offered a choice, they can either get boiled and eaten, or perform a task and be set free.
Of course they all choose to perform a task. So the cannibals send them out into the jungle to pick ten fruits of ...

An engineering student, a geometry major, and a star basketball player are trapped on a desert island

They’re debating how to get off the island or get rescued. The engineering student looks around and sees only a few palm trees and some coconuts.

“We need to cut down the trees and make a raft to sail away on.” He says and starts designing.

“We need a basketball to pass the time.” Th...

Elon Musk has been captured by a fellow billionaire and is now trapped in a medieval rack.

He is to henceforth be known as Elon Gates.

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I got my testicles trapped in a dyson

Now we're both bagless.

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(Slightly NSFW) Man says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."

Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do toget...

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When I met my girlfriend she said she was scared of getting trapped

But I think my basement has really grown on her.

Two particles are trapped in a field

One particle says to the other "I got you some flowers, you may have them if you quantum"

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A school teacher, a police officer, and a hedge fund founder are trapped on a deserted island.

After scavenging for days with little success, they come across a magical lamp. The officer decides to give it a quick rub and out pops a genie.

"Hello, I am here to grant each of you an imperishable supply of food and water as you await your rescue. Be warned, it can only be consumed only ...

Did you hear the one about the man who was unjustly trapped inside of a penny?

He yelled, "Let me outta here. I'm in a cent!"

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

Did you hear about the Russian coyote that got his leg caught in a trap?

He chewed 3 legs off and was still trapped.

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So this guy is trapped on a deserted island with a dog and a sheep.

After many months, he starts to get that old familiar feeling in his loins. The sheep starts to look pretty sexy. But every time he goes to make a move, the dogs attacks him and chases him off.

After many more months, another plane crashes, and a few hours later, a beautiful young woman floa...

Feel free to live it up a little while trapped inside this week.

What happens in quarantine stays in quarantine.

So Mama Rabbit and Papa Rabbit are trapped in this hollow log.

They had been chased by the old farmer's hound dogs across three field, two fences and a gulley. They never slowed down. They never gave up, but still they hadn't managed to get away. Seeing the log, they ran in as a last resort.

With a hound dog barking and yapping at either end, Mama Rabbit...

Tell you what, it's lucky that those Kids trapped in the cave in Thailand are footballers

It means they're already good divers.

My friend from Alabama got trapped in a loaf

I always knew he was in bread

Kid: Santa, what’s the story of your reindeer names?

Santa: Why I name them after memories, like Prancer frolicking through the snow!

Kid: What about Donner?

*A dark countenance settles on Santa’s face*

Santa: The year was 1847, snowfall had trapped us in the Sierra Nevada...

"There's a woman trapped under a motorway bridge in Italy."

"Genoa?"

"I'm not sure, I can't see her face."

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A bunch of men are trapped on a cannibal island...

In order to survive, the cannibals tell them to find food for the tribe and come back.
The first guy comes back with an apple. The cannibals tell him to shove it up his ass without laughing, and he will be free.
He fails, is killed, and goes to heaven.
The second guy comes back with two blu...

What did the frog, trapped in the computer, say?

Reddit!

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Three men are trapped on an island inhabited by cannibals.

Soon enough they get caught. the leader tells them to go out into the woods and pick ten of any fruit they find then come back. The first man comes back with ten apples. The leader says to him "If you can stick all ten apples up your ass without making and sound or facial expression then you will be...

Two miners got trapped in a dark tunnel after a mine collapse, blocking their way in, and cutting off the power and lights.

One miner remained calm. He knew that there was other exits from the mine, but in the complete darkness, he had no way to navigate. He remained trapped.

The other miner started panicking. It was so dark, he had a wife and kids at home, he didn’t want to die like this. He was hyperventilating....

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An engineer, mathematician, and a programmer are trapped in another dimension

Suddenly before their eyes, the devil materializes.

"Escape from here is impossible without help from a higher power. I'll give you three wishes to escape. If you are still here, I can claim your soul."

"I wish to leave," said the engineer.

And so he disappeared, but a piercing ...

A necrophilic man is trapped in a room with zombies.

The genie pats himself on the back.

What did the chef say to the fly he trapped under a strainer?

This is a fine mesh you've gotten yourself into!

Three women were trapped on an island...

They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, "I will grant you ladies three wishes." The first woman said, "Turn me into a fish" and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman said, "Give me a boat" and she rowed to the other side. The ...

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are trapped in a burning building...

They manage to make it to the roof, but the flames are climbing higher. The volunteer fire department arrives and sees them standing up on the roof. So they grab a huge safety blanket and stretch it out between them. "Jump!" one guy yells. "It's the only way to safety! We'll catch you!"

So th...

What do you do when yara greyjoy is trapped?

Euron away

I was trapped in a Mazda MX5...

...all I could do was scream, ''Let Miata here!''

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