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Padded Jokes

What does your Mom have in common with the word "padded"?

They both have three ds in them.

The hut with an attic

The king of a small nation lived in a palace that was, in actuality, just a straw hut with an attic. Still, with the king living there, it was indeed a palace, as far as the citizens of that nation were concerned. The king would greet guests while sitting cross-legged on the floor.

On...

long. Two cops lead an unfortunate man into a padded cell

Instantly the men in white coats grab him, wrench his arms behind his back and, when he screams in pain, the psychiatrist tears down his trousers and jags him with a needle.

As they're carrying the unconcious body out the younger of the cops, shocked, says:

"Was that really necessary? ...

My friend thinks I'm nuts. Says I belong in a padded room.

I said it couldn't hurt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Newlywed Couple Waited for Marriage to Have Sex...

A couple wanted to wait to have sex until the night of their wedding. As the big day got closer the bride tells the groom she has a confession to make.

"I am as flat as a board. I'm sorry, I have been using the best padded bras on the market to make people believe I actually have breasts. I ...

My wife wanted me to make her feel special

So I gave her a padded helmet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a man's idea of safe sex?

A padded headboard.

A man walks into a bra

Lucky it was padded

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wedding night revelations

A very religious couple, who have saved themselves until marriage, rush to their hotel room after the wedding ceremonies.

Before they go in, the bride, embarassed, says:

*-My darling, I have a confession to make... I've been wearing padded bras this whole time, my boobs are so very sma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW John had married Eileen, as she was a rules girl, she'd kept herself pure until her wedding night.

As Eileen took off her wedding dress, John undid his shoe laces. Eileen noticed for the first time John's size 10 shoes were padded with foam he pulled his feet out of the shoes and they looked like baby feet. She said "My, haven't you got tiny feet?" John looked embarrassed, he said "I had toe-sill...

A tourist driving across rural England decided to stay the night in a small town.

The only place with rooms available was a quaint English pub, The George and Dragon, which had a lovingly painted sign with a Knight beside a defeated dragon blowing in the evening breeze.

Entering the bar room, which while empty had a roaring fire against the back wall, leather padded booths...

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