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The Mummy Jokes

The skeleton asks the mummy

"What music do you listen to?"

The mummy replies, "wrap".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In an archeology class, the professor brings in a real mummy for demonstration.

In front of all the freshmen, he declares that in order to be a good scientist, one must achieve good skills and have great passion.

The professor puts his finger into the mummy’s butthole, puts the finger into his mouth, and sucks it like he does a lollipop.

“Now who has the gut to ju...

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel...

and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed....

Where did the mummy drink his espresso?

In his Sar-coffee-gus

Scientists recently have been doing some new studies with the mummy of Egypt's famous boy king.

With the aid of highly advanced mri scans they were able to ascertain he suffered from a major gastro intestinal disorder. Apparently he was lactose intolerant. So it turns out, me and the Egyptian kid got a toot in common

What did people say when the mummy sneezed?

Curse you!

Scans of a newly discovered sarcophagus have revealed that the mummy inside was coated in nuts and chocolate

It’s believed to have been body of Pharaoh Roche.

I don't know why people don't like the mummy movies...

I think they get a bad wrap

What did the mummy study in school?

Cryptography.

What did the mummy say when he was discovered?

“I’ve been seeing an archeologist lately, I think she really digs me!!”

Why didn't the mummy go on vacation?

He was afraid he'd relax and unwind!

Why did the mummy go to jail?

They got wrapped up in a pyramid scheme.

The CIA, The Mossad and The KGB.

A mummy was found in Egypt, and to determine its age and whatnot, three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition.

The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years.
...

I just found out that Archeologist were recently digging in the Pyramids of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts.

Experts on site identified the mummy as Pharaoh Roche.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On my first night in prison, my cellmate asked if I wanted to be the Mummy or the Daddy

Thinking quickly, I said "I'll be the daddy".

"Well, in that case, Daddy's sucking Mummy's dick tonight"

Did you hear about the mummy that reached the top 10 with his new album?

People say it's cause he has the tightest wraps

Why did the mummy cry himself to sleep every night?

Because he was empty inside.

A mummy phones a restaurant and asks to reserve a table for the Pharaoh Sakrakhotep I...

The woman at the restaurant says, “Could you spell it out, please?”

The mummy says, “Of course: bird, two triangles, wavy line, bird again, jackal’s head, and a scarab.”

A security guard for the king notices a mummy in a coffin walking into the building in the security camera...

He quickly alerts the king, telling him to go to the top floor of the building to stay away from it. While the king is escorted, his guards quickly order men to deal with the mummy, who headed towards the elevator. His guards spend a good while shooting at the mummy, but after a minute, it becomes a...

A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition

They come across a pyramid and inside it is a mummy. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come out.

...

There was once a little blind girl...

... and more then anything in the world she wanted to be able to see again. "Mummy Mummy!" she would say, "when will i be able to see again?"and her mother would reply "well my darling, there are doctors working at this very instant on a cream which will make your eyes all better again! And we can g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do babies come from?

A little girl asks her dad "Where do babies come from?" and the dad explains to her "Well, babies are made when two people love each other and then the daddy puts his penis in the mummy's vagina."
The little girl then asks "If that is where babies com from then what does mummy get when daddy puts...

What movie is universally loved by all orphans in England?

The Mummy Returns.

Archaeologists have found a hidden chamber in Tutankhamun's tomb

Archaeologists have found a second mummy inside Tutankhamun's tomb. The mummy appears to be covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. Experts believe it is the remains of Pharaoh Rocher.

The invisible man, the wolf man, and Dracula played poker.

They tried to get the mummy to play but he had no skin in the game.

The invisible man tried to bluff but people saw right through him.

Dracula ended up bleeding them dry, leaving the wolf man howling mad.

A mummy was found in Egypt.

The archaeologists could not determine its origin. Then a Soviet adviser offered his help. The mummy was delivered to the Soviet embassy. In two hours the Soviet adviser appeared and said, "His name was Amenkhotep 23 rd."
"How did you find out?"
"He confessed," the advisor said.

The Alpine Find

An archaeological dig team was on an expedition to the Alps when they discovered a mummified human buried in the ice. Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be a young male from the Neolithic period.

The team was split into two sections: Section One was to climb the slope and retrieve the mum...

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