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Qaeda Jokes

What’s the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-qaeda outpost?

I dunno man I just fly the drone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremi...

3 spies, a french one, a british one, and an italian one, are captured by al-qaeda...

the terrorists tie each of them up and put the brit and the italian in a locked room. they take the frenchman to a room for 6 hours, torturing information out of him. when they finish with him, they take the brit to the room, who lasts 12 hours. they finally take the italian into the room, but as mu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Conspiracy Theorists Die...

...as they stand before God waiting to be judged, God tells them that they each may ask him one question they have always wanted to be answered and he would answer it.

One of the conspiracy theorists steps forward and asks “who was REALLY behind 9/11?”

Before God can answer, the seco...

What's the Al-Qaeda's favourite sports team?

The New York Jets ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

A young depressed gentleman calls the Al Qaeda hotline

and says, "I think I need help. I've been having suicidal thoughts."

Then he hears the representative on the other end, "Well, congratulations. You're hired."

Al Qaeda has announced that they've captured Russian mercenaries in Mali. If they aren't paid $10 Million

... they'll release the mercenaries unharmed.

Why couldn't Al Qaeda members pass shop class?

Because they always blow it on the building assignment

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An al-Qaeda suicide bomber carried out his mission...

And made it to heaven, where he found 72 virgins. Turns out they were all guys playing world of Warcraft.

Job interview with Al-Qaeda

Had a job interview with Al-Qaeda today.

"Where do you see yourself exploding in five years? ", they asked.

What kind of pizzas did Al Qaeda deliver to the World Trade Center?

Two large plains.

How do you get rid of Al-Qaeda?

Give the goats STD's

The head instructor at the Al-Qaeda's training camp starts his lesson on suicide bombing...

"Now listen up closely everyone, I'm only gonna be showing this once".

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven...

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."

Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Did Bush do 9/11?"

God replies, "Bush did not plan the attacks. 9/11 was perpetrated...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What makes the Japanese better than Al Qaeda?

At least the Japanese were considerate enough to bring their own planes

ISIS and Al-Qaeda go to war with each other. Who wins?

Everyone else

The news is saying Al Qaeda is trying to make a comeback.

Lets hope they don't try to play their greatest hits. ‬

What do you call Al-Qaeda's April Fools prank?

A jihahahad!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the best name for the groups of armed anti-stay-at-home protesters?

Vanilla Isis

Flu Klux Klan

Lack Panthers

HamAss

Meal Team Six

Gravy Seals

Irrational Guard

Y'all Qaeda

Branch Covidians

Boko Moron

The Coughedaracy

101st Chairborne

Cosplaytriots

The Yeehadis

Hogan's Ze...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in rec...

What do you call Redneck Terrorists?

Y’all Qaeda

If you can't afford healthcare...

Go to an airport. They give free x-rays and mammograms, and if you mention al-Qaeda, they'll throw in a free colonoscopy too!

I tried to make a living as a comedian, but I constantly bombed every sets.

So I joined Al Qaeda instead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two conspiracy theorists are flying on a plane to a convention when it crashes.

They find themselves before God and tell him "We are but humble men, and for all our life we have sought the truth. You are all-knowing, so you know all the answers."

"What is your question?"

"We would really like to know who was really behind the 9/11".

"Osama bin Laden and the...

President George W. Bush is sitting in his office...

...When one of his informants walks in to report,
"Mr. President, yesterday three Brazilian soldiers were killed by Al Qaeda."
Bush is silent for a moment as he holds his head in his hands in immense sadness.
"Sir, what's wrong?" asks the informant.
Bush brings his head up to look at t...

69 years ago

69 years ago both India and Pakistan got independence on this day.

Indians have become heads of Google, Microsoft, Pepsico, Jaguar, Land Rover and

Pakistanis have become heads of Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Jammat U Dawa, Hijbul Mujahideen

Also India entered Mars but Pakistan still try...

British people's front of Britain meeting.

"What has the EU ever done for us?"

...

"57% of our trade."

"What?"

"57% of our trade."

"Oh yeah.Yeah they did do that, that's true."

"And, uh, cleaner beaches."

"Oh yeah, the cleaner beaches, Nigel. You remember what Whitby used to be like?"

"...

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