UPJOKE
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How do you pull off a fedora in the modern day?

As quickly as possible

Took me a month but I finally got to pull off this joke in real life

*Me and my friend had just finished watching a ton of conspiracy theory videos.*

Friend: It's crazy if some of that stuff is true. But the government is just hiding it from us.

Me: Yeah like monsters and aliens and stuff.

Friend: Yeah! And not to mention all the cool technology ...

I bet my friend I could pull off 100 Pull-Ups.

I lost, it turns out I couldn't even put on 100 Pull-Ups.

My friend was asking for Halloween costume ideas, and I told him he could pull off a good Two-Face.

He said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, you just have to make one half look good!"

Did you know that if you pull off a lizard's tail it'll grow back?

And if you pull it off again the lizard will be like, "Dude, c'mon..."

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I dare someone to pull off this joke IRL.

A manager calls one of his employes because he is very late for work.
The employee picks up the phone. The boss enquires, "John, why aren't you at work?" John responds, "I have a medical condition." Concerned the manager asks, "What is it?" John replies, "I have anal glaucoma." The manager respo...

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There was a mouse that used to stop by a neighborhood tavern every night…

Like clockwork, at 5:15 pm that screen door would kick open and if you looked closely you’d see that crazy little mouse. He’d sprint to his bar stool, spin around the pole on one arm and hop right up to the cushion with a big shit-eating grin. High fives with the bartender. “Gimme a beer, Sam!” “Sur...

What is the difference between a marriage and a hand grenade?

>!None!!<

>!If you pull off the ring the house is gone...!<

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When all the males in the morgue freezer were found missing their penis, police immediately suspected Guy Fieri.

After all, who else would try to pull off frosted tips like that?

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One day, I was driving home from work

It had been a long day and I was just ready to get home and relax.

I’m on the interstate, and all of a sudden, this car cuts me off. This immediately pisses me off.

So I pull in front of him the next chance I get and he starts riding my bumper.

Then *he* get in front of me an...

Stage Fright

A young actor, new on the scene and nervous about it, is trying to make his first big role count.

In his first onstage appearance, his character has a fairly simple scene to pull off: he walks onstage holding a rose between his fingers. He waves it past his nose with a big whiff, then declar...

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The great detective Herlock Sholmes was hired to investigate the disappearance of one of the most important political figures in the nation.

He was quickly briefed on the current situation: at two in the morning, a young woman named Andrea had been captured by an unknown party. Now normally, a kidnapping wouldn’t be something to call in the great Herlock Sholmes for, but Andrea was a special case.

In the nation of Modgasia, the go...

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A man wakes up with a huge hangover after getting blackout drunk the night before

painfully opens his eyes, looks around - "phew! At least I'm home". On the nightstand he sees a glass of water, an aspirin and a note saying "Honey, breakfast is ready, I love you with all my heart - xoxo, your wife".

Not understanding a thing, he walks to the kitchen and realizes that the ho...

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A young black man finds a genie in a lamp..

A young American black man finds a genie in a lamp. He gives it a rub, and a genie emerges, exclaiming “All behold the most powerful genie!! My might is unparalleled, my power is tremendous, and I shall grant you 3 wishes for freeing me from my prison...”

The black man says “Ok... For my firs...

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A blonde is driving down the highway

She is applying make-up in her rear view mirror. Her car drifts into the next lane and trades paint with a pickup truck. They pull off to the side of the road, the driver of the pickup truck gets out and he’s fuming. He asks the blonde if she has insurance and she just stares at him blankly... So he...

I would rather breed mice than crows

Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.

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THE BLONDE COWBOY

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde
Cowboy coming down the street with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun,
And his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you dressed like
This?'

T...

I was thinking of going as a Band-Aid this Halloween, but then I decided against it.

I think it would be hard to pull off.

there once was a...

There once was a community in which there where the squares and the "jokes". the "jokes" were actually circles but were a minority and were often laughed at and segregated in the community, so they were called "jokes". One circle had enough of the ridicule from the squares and wanted to become a squ...

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I've decided the only left for me to do is to become a stripper...

There's not much left I can pull off.

A cab driver picks up a nun.

She gets into the cab,but the driver can't stop staring at her.She asks him why is he staring.He replies,"I have a question for you but I don't want to offend you.She answers,"My son,you cannot offend me.When your as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have,you get a chance to see and hear ...

If you're feeling unattractive, consider buying a wig.

It's a look that anyone can pull off.

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One day a nun was standing at the side of the road waiting for a cab.

A can stopped and picked up the nun. During the drive, the nun noticed that the driver kept staring at her.

She asked him why and the driver said "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you."

The nun replied, "Child, you can't offend me. I've been a nun for 25 year...

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