UPJOKE
shockmovesurprisalstunnerastonishmentamazementbombshellastonishamazeastoundflabbergastblindsideunexpectedtake abackstorm

Surprising Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s a surprising amount of Zootopia porn out there

I went down a deep rabbit hole last night

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My priest is surprisingly homophobic...

...for a man who spends his nights on his knees, begging for another man to come for a second time.

Aliens visit Earth. They come in peace and surprisingly , they speak English.

Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the Pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?"

"You mean JC?", responds the alien. "Yeah, we know him! He's th...

In a surprising announcement, Head & Shoulders have decided to discontinue their popular anti dandruff shampoo line.

The decision left many scratching their heads.

It’s surprising that Jules and Vince spend so much time talking about the metric system at the beginning of Pulp Fiction

Quentin Tarantino usually only does feet

Y'know, it's not surprising the wildfires in Rhodes are having difficulty being contained.

After all, you're not supposed to put water on a Greece fire.

It’s surprising flat earthers are still using money.

You’d think they’d have concern over it making the world go round.

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

The number of readers this book hit hard wasn’t surprising…

That’s just what happens when you toss out free braille.

Germany's failure in the World Cup wasn't that surprising

They have always struggled to progress in Russia.

Despite the massive age difference, my dad was surprisingly relieved to hear I was dating Dane Cook.

He said “at least he won’t try anything funny.”

A surprisingly good/funny knock knock joke I wrote yesterday.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Beware, the owl people are infiltrating our town!

Beware, the owl people are infiltrating our town, Whooo

Oh no im too late!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surprising horse

A couple from London, John, Sarah and their 6 year old son Jimmy, win £8 million on the lottery and they decide to fulfill their lifelong dream - to quit the rat race and buy a farm with animals in the countryside.

They eventually find the property of their dreams and make arrangements to bu...

It’s hardly surprising that 48 ‘no’s couldn’t stop Kavanaugh yesterday.

They didn’t stop him in 1982 either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surprising the Cow

Little Johnny lives with his mother on a farm, one day he comes running in and screams: "Mommy, Mommy, the Ox is fucking the Cow". His Mother slaps him hard and says: "We don't use language like that in this house, the next time it happens, say 'The Ox is surprising the Cow'". Rubbing his cheek, Lit...

For my 16th birthday, my parents tried surprising me with a car

but they missed

Ten Surprising facts doctors don't want you to know about subway tracks!

the 3rd one will shock you!

I didn't know JK Rowling was an audiophile, but it isn't surprising

She's obviously very opinionated about trans coding

One thing surprising is that they don't have television in Afghanastan

It's because of the Tele-ban

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.

When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcef...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny gets a big surprise....

Little Johnny is walking home one day from school when he looks over into the farmers field and gets a big grin on his face. He runs the rest of way home, bursts through the front door and says...

"Mom! Dad! You'll never guess what I just saw!"
"Well go on then Johnny, tell us." His father...

Why's it so surprising when friends from Barcelona overstay their welcome?

Because nobody expects the Spanish Imposition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surprising!!!

The farmer and his wife are entertaining the local bigwigs
when their son runs in and announces to his father in a loud
voice, “Dad, dad, the bull’s fucking the cow.”
After a moment of shocked silence, the farmer turns to his
son and calmly says, “Next time, son, be a little less explici...

What is the most surprising, deranging, and panicking thing for a reddit user ?

Unprepared blue cheese.

Mahatma Gandhi was once thrown out of an Indian bakery. Not surprising really . . .

He was widely known for being naan-violent.

11 Minutes

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover’s spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.

The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer ...

The amount of advertising on social media is super surprising.

What’s not surprising? How much money you can save with GEICO Renters Insurance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's not surprising that the Japanese have adopted so much of American culture.

The first American product they tested blew everyone away.

What's a commonly used phrase with a surprising number of 'D's in it?

Your mom.

North Korea is handling Covid surprisingly well

Last week 9/10 doctors said Covid-19 was under control,



This week the stat went up to 9/9!

All this WFH time has led to a surprising discovery: I do my best work in the kitchen.

I'm counterproductive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's three days before prom, and Billy realizes he still hasn't gotten his tux yet...

It's three days before prom, and Billy realizes he still hasn't gotten his tux yet. So, he goes all the way downtown to the tux store and when he opens the door there's a huge long tux line. Apparently everyone in town waited until the last possible minute to rent a tux, which shouldn't be that surp...

It’s not surprising Trump ended up in the hospital with COVID, he has several risk factors...

He’s elderly, obese, and low income.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surprising the Cows

One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by little Johnny who has run in out of breath to shout, “Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is f***ing the cow!”

Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young little Johnny aside and explains tha...

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

I’ll never forget the most surprising day of my life...

I’ll never forget the most surprising day of my life which was when a stranger ran past me and shoved a didgeridoo up my bum.

To be honest, I couldn’t take it all in.

How many mystery novel writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Making a deep dish pizza is surprisingly super easy!

It's a pizza cake!

It's surprising how little people change

Actually the process isn't that different, other than the tiny clothes

Its not surprising that Republicans lost two presidental races to Obama

In long races usually the guy from Kenya wins.

What’s the most surprising thing about sleeping with John Cena?

You can’t see him coming.

When I see lovers' nαmes cαrved in α tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I just think it's surprising how mαny people bring a knife on a dαte.

EDIT I removed comments with α since some of you didn't like it.

Also this is an old joke . Look some posts from several years ago. https://twitter.com/biiimurray/status/361654153811996672.

http://www.su...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.