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Stocking Jokes

Is anyone behaving badly just to get coal in their stocking...

... so they can heat their house?

What did the bad World Cup announcer get in his stocking?

COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good (and very old) joke to explain why people are stocking up on necessities

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.

When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. ...

I'm getting my girlfriend a prosthetic leg for Xmas

It's just a stocking filler.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into the produce section of the supermarket

And asks the man stocking oranges, "Excuse me sir, where can I find the broccoli?"

The man replies, "I'm sorry ma'am, we're fresh out of broccoli but we'll have some tomorrow."

The woman walks away. Comes back a few minutes later, taps the man on the shoulder and says, "Where's the bro...

Why did the stocking take a break from Christmas this year?

He needed to work on his mantel health.

Put a Christmas stocking outside yesterday and found it crusty this morning.

Proof that Santa came last night.

If Donald Trump gets coal in his stocking...

Is he happy or sad about it?

Jack and Jim are busy stocking the aisles at Sams Club...

They're stacking pallets of Lipton's. They're about to put the last pallet on top when the forklift breaks down.
"Oh NO!", Jim exclaims, "How will we get this last pallet on top without killing ourselves?"
"Don't Worry", says Jack," just go pick up one of those disposable Bic's on the sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The people in netherland are stocking up with toilet paper and weed

For shits and giggles.

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning

is their husband.

A father puts a gold watch in one son's stocking and a pile of manure in the other son's...

The first son brings the watch to his father and with a worried face says, "dad I'm not sure what to do with this watch, it's fragile, and small, and I don't really wear watches. I don't like it."


The father wasn't surprised by his son's reaction because he typically has a poor perspecti...

I've just been charged with stocking a chicken.

I'm hoping to get it reduced.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

.

Coffee asked "Why do I always get coal in my stocking."

Santa: Because your on the Not Tea list.

Why did the ant crawl up Princess Kate's stocking?

To go to the grand opening.

Why did the ant crawl up Prince Williams' trousers?

To get to the royal ball.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you ...

A woman goes into a drugstore.

"Do you sell XL condoms?" she asks the pharmacist.

"Yes, of course, family planning is in aisle 5," he replies.

"Thanks," she says, and walks over.

About a half hour later the pharmacist is stocking shelves and sees the woman still standing in aisle 5.

"Did you find the c...

The Energy Crisis is so real…

… People want a lump of coal in their stocking.

Police want to interview a man suspected for a string of robberies wearing stockings and suspenders.

However, the Chief Constable has insisted they wear their normal uniform.

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