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Stella Jokes

My mate got "Stella Artois" tattooed onto his stomach.

Now he's got a beer belly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was on a train the other day when two Swedish men sat down next to me

The two introduced themselves as Sven and Olf. Olf in particular was wearing a t-shirt with the USSR flag on and boasted a cap with a hammer and sickle on, so I assumed he was an avid communist. I asked them if either of them knew where I could get alcohol on the train, and Olf piped up:

"If ...

Paul McCartney celebrates his 80th birthday with Stella in Mykonos.

You would think with all his wealth, he would have bought at least ONE bottle of Champagne.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just heard that Budweiser is suing Stella Artois for casting Sarah Jessica Parker in their Super Bowl LIII ad.

Apparently they have a trademark on beer advertisements starring a horse.

A couple are having dinner at a nice restaurant. A lovely young woman walks up to the table, kisses the man on the cheek, and says, "See you later, sweetie" before walking away. The wife is livid.

"Who the hell was that, and what did she mean about seeing you later?"

"That's just my mistress, Laura."

"You have a mistress, and she has the nerve to walk up to us in public? This is unforgivable. I want a divorce."

"Honey, she means nothing to me. Just a bit of harmless fun. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar…

And he says to the barman ‘Can I have 11 pints of anything but Stella’.

Barman says ‘yeah sure mate but what’s the problem with Stella?’

The man says ‘well I had 11 pints of Stella last night and I was fucking skint the whole night’

Barman still confused says ‘yeah but 11 pints ...

A bear walks onto a bar and orders a round of drinks.

I'd like 2 pints of Carlsberg, 2 pints of Stella and a packet of . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cheese and onion crisps.
The barman asks, "Why the big pause?"
The bear replies, "so I can rip apart seals"

Last night in the pub....

Last night in the pub, a woman looked at my beer belly and asked sarcastically, "Is that Carling or Stella?"

I said, "There's a tap underneath it. Try it!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It took us ages to get this joke... Want to have a go?

So the theme for my [House Warming Party](http://i.imgur.com/TaE9k.jpg) was "Puns" and everyone came dressed as a pun. I sewed boxes of smarties to my pants (hardy har har). [This guy](http://imgur.com/a/yWeqt#0) arguably had the hardest one to guess. Those are sprigs of thyme. They're in white ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'll never forget how happy i was when i saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me...

..., My heart was beating so fast and the expectation was unbearable. It seemed to take so long but eventually there she was, stood beside me. I gave her a cheeky wink and said, 'get that fucking trolley over here they're doing three crates of Stella for the price of two!!!!

There are two guys sitting in a bar, and one is complaining that he hasn't had any for a while.

The other man, sympathizes, and tells him of a 'place' he can go to get some relief. He also recommends "Stella" for his new friend.

'Stella?' the desperate one asks.
'
Trust me,' the other guy says. 'Stella gives the best blow-job
on the planet. The amazing thing is, half-way throug...

What is Marlon Brando's favorite beer?

STELLA!

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