I've compiled my Dad Joke Insults and archived them.

I call it the "Dad Abase."

On this day, when we Americans storm Area 51, you Europeans should storm the Vatican Archives

We'll take on the aliens, you'll take on the predators.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The new monk.

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.



So, the new monk goes to the head ab...

TIL wooden shoe failure is responsible for multiple deaths each year in the Netherlands. The incidents are archived on this government website.

The Broken Clog Croakin' Blog

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The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

Getting a file out of the archives

Coworker: "Hey, can you get this file out of the archive for me?"

Me: "This is the fifth time this week you've asked for a file from the archive."

Coworker: "I know. I'm sorry. But please, I really need that file."

Me: sigh \*unzips\*

Bad Children's Books Titles

Here are some bad children's books titles I found in my jokes archive. Can you think of others?

1. "You Were an Accident"
2. "Strangers Have the Best Candy"
3. "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
4. "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
5. "The Attention Deficit Disorder Assoc...

A man visited a movie studio and was browsing the wardrobe archives.

He asked a costume designer which were her favourite pieces.

“Well, that shirt there was worn by Pacino. That jacket was put together for De Niro. And these boots were made for Walken.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found an archived file of pornographic images today.

*unzips*

From the Cold War archives

In the 1950s, when Cold War tensions were at their height, the Soviet Red Army unexpectedly placed an order with the U.S. Defense Department's procurement office. The order asked for five million boxes of twelve-inch long condoms. The unusual request was sent up the chain to the Joint Chiefs of St...

Where did Noah put the penguins on the ark?

In the arctic section.

Note: my 7 yr old grand daughter made this up on the spot, after I told her this joke:
Where did Noah put the bees on the ark?
In the archives.

I think she's pretty clever.

Where did Noah keep his Bees?

In the Archive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny won’t quit swearing. NSFW

My dad told me this joke many many years ago. It is by far my favorite little Johnny joke. I’ve searched the archives of Reddit and haven’t seen it posted before so here goes:

Little Johnny’s parents were having problems with him swearing and couldn’t get him to stop, so his dad goes to a psy...

A monk at a Benedictine monastery lived there for many years,

became well known for his immense learning, and eventually rose to the position of abbot, where he gained access to the monastery’s full archives. He decided to open the archives and begin translating and cataloging it.

So he holed up in the vast library, carefully going through its many rare...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day the pope suddenly died...

...and around the world millions were shocked and saddened at the death of the man that lead the world to Jesus. An X-ray was done of his body as part of the investigation into his death and a strange abnormality was detected. Deep down his left ear canal was some kind of tiny device shaped like a s...

A programmer calls the library

- Hello! Can I talk to Kate?
- She is in Archives.
- Could you please extract her. I need her urgently

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named it as Internet Explorer.

Now, my porn archive is safe.

The curious monk

A monk in an ancient monastery is doing his daily work, transcribing and recopying the ancient scrolls and scriptures of his tradition that his predecessors wrote, which they copied from their ancestors texts and so on....

The curious monk begins to wonder if in the endless sequence of copyin...

The Longest joke in the world (sorry if re-post)

it's totally worth it! [7 Page Joke](http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2a5xwx/truthmafia.com/archives/1554)

So a novice monk is copying texts...

So a novice monk is copying texts in a monastery. As he diligently works, get get's to thinking, "Hmm, if I just copy my master's work, and he just copied his master's work, and his master just copied them from his master, and so on, then what if there was a mistake? Wouldn't the mistake just be pro...

Where do you find an old Onion article?

In thier archives.

Letter to IRS

The Internal Revenue Service (IRS),
Department of Treasury
Washington, DC


Sub: Payment of Tax Dues


Dear Sir / Madam,


Enclosed is my 2012 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from USA Today archives. In the article, you wi...

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