I don't need to stay up and watch the ball drop...

2020 already dropped the ball.

What do you call it when 2 seniors stay up past their bedtimes?

An election.

I'm going to stay up on New Year's Eve this year...

not to see the New Year in, but to ensure this one leaves.

Why did the racist stay up all night?

Because he was afraid of the dark.

If you stay up all night, thinking: "Why?"

Then you won't get any ZZZ's

I stay up late all the time, and it's getting really easy

I could do it in my sleep

Why did the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia stay up all night?

She was wondering if there really is a dog.

I could never understand how people could stay up all night...

and then it dawned upon me.

Why can't the bike stay up?

Because it's two tired! hahahaha

"You are gonna hate yourself in the morning if you stay up late"

Jokes on you I am gonna hate myself in the morning no matter what.

My wife recently convinced me to stay up all night to see where the sun went

Then it dawned on me.

What did the bicycle say when asked if it wanted to stay up all night?

"I'm two tired".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asks his doctor: "Do you think I'll live to be a hundred?"

The doctor asks the man "Well, that depends. Do you drink?"

"Oh, no sir! I abstain from all alcohol. Soda, too. I just drink plenty of fresh water."

"Do you smoke?"

"No, sir! Never smoked in my life, and I stay away from any place with second hand smoke."

"Do you eat a lo...

What's the difference between a Christmas tree and a man?

A Christmas tree will stay up for weeks, has cute balls, and looks good with the lights on.

How come Voldemort hates the sun?

Because his sunglasses won’t stay up

A Blonde Date

Guy met a beautiful blonde and asked her for a date. They go to dinner and everything went fine. On the way home, Romeo decides to stop at the local Lover's Lane. They start kissing and things are getting pretty hot. So Romeo asks the Blonde, "Hey, how would you like to move to the back seat?" Blo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live."

Man: "Doc, what on Earth are you saying?”, clearly shocked. “What can I do to live at least a little longer?"

Doc: "Well, do you eat greasy and fried food?"

Man: "Yes."

Doc: "You must stop!"

Man: "If it allows me to live longer, I'll do it!"

Doc: "Do you drink...

An Asian, an American, and a European walk into a bar.

They sit down at the table, and decide to hit up some drinks.

American: I'll have a Coke! I don't want to get drunk.

European: I'll have a watery rum! I'll stay up for the drive.

Asian: I'll have 3 bottles beer, and a side of whiskey!


Never go to bed angry

Stay up all night... plotting.

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