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Stamps Jokes

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[Blonde][NSFW] The blonde asked her gynecologist “Why do I finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina?”

The amused doctor replied, “Those aren’t postage stamps, they’re the stickers that come on bananas”

Stamps

A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. “What denomination?” asked the clerk. “Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?” said the woman. “Well, give me 50 Catholic and 50 Baptist ones.”

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I accidentally sent a dick pic to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it embarrassing, but it also cost me a fortune in stamps.

I used to collect stamps when I was younger

But then one day I realized, philately will get you nowhere.

They've already had to recall the Nancy Reagan stamps because they don't stick to the envelope

Everyone is spitting on the wrong side.

Hanukkah stamps

A woman goes to the post office and asks to buy some Hanukkah stamps. The clerk asks: "What denomination would you like?" The woman thinks for a moment and says: "6 Orthodox, 4 Conservative, and 2 Reform."

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South American Stamps

So a lady goes to see her gyno because she's having a personal health issue. The doctor enters.
"Ma'am, what seems to be the problem?"
"It's been two weeks, doc..I keep finding stamps up my vagina!"
"...stamps?.."
"Yeah! From Costa Rica! Sometimes even Ecuador! I've never even been outsi...

A former practitioner in sleeves and tramp stamps, Luke Skywalker had given up his artistry to save the galaxy

But when he was finished, he returned to Tatooine

Today I went to the post office to mail 20 letters... so I bought 20 stamps...

and the clerk just handed them to me. So I said "Am I supposed to stick all these on myself?"...and she said "No. Stick them on the envelopes.."

Why did the motivational speaker have a shirt made of stamps?

Because he is an outgoing male.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?

They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

If it weren't for food stamps, I wouldn't have anything to eat.

But man do they taste awful!

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Costa Rica stamps

A blond goes in to the gynecologist and says "I don't know how but I keep finding stamps from Costa Rica in my Vagina, and I have never been there or no anyone who lives there" the doctor looks at one for a little bit and them come to the prognosis " Miss these aren't stamps from Costa Rica but they...

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A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer.

He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope. The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more c...

Why did the Polish guy throw away his food stamps?

They tasted terrible

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A blond woman goes to the hospital...

"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."

The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said "Those aren't postage stamps my dear,
they're the stickers off the bananas"

When an unpopular President completed his presidency, he wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it.

He stressed that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and the former President was pleased. But within a couple of days of the release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he was furious. So he ordered an investigatio...

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What do you call a penis with stamps on it?

Male.

Of course, if you have to sign for it, it's a package.

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Joe received a package in the mail with a few stamps on the front. Always the notorious scrooge, Joe peeled off the already used stamps, and then proceeded to stick them onto his own letter.

Upon being handed the mail, the mailman knew exactly what Joe had done, and proceeded to punch him in the face until Joe was rendered unconscious. He was rushed to the ER and pronounced dead the next morning.
‎
At his funeral, many tears were shed and eulogies given. As the ceremony was comi...

What does the Queen of England call post stamps ?

Selfies.

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What do you call it when you cover your penis in postage stamps?

Junk mail.

(Credit to one if my FB friends)

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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he just kept telling me how great it was going to be.

H...

Four rabbis are having a debate

Four rabbis are debating scripture out in the garden, and one of them notices he's continuously outvoted by the other three even though he's absolutely certain he's right. At a certain point, his frustration gets the best of him and he stands up, raises his hands and and says "My Lord, you must know...

I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.

USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.

This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.


<...

John Cleese Joke ..

The U.S. Postal service created a series of commemorative stamps commemorating lawyers, but they had to withdraw them within a couple of weeks because people couldn't figure out which side of the stamp to spit on.

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I had a nasty looking boil on the end of my penis. So I phoned my doctor and he asked if I could take a picture and send it to him. I mistakenly sent it to everyone in my address book!

Cost me a fortune in stamps.

I’ve had all my wealth , my reputation and my true passion stolen from me.

I’m now debt free, reasonably well respected and very short on stamps.

I’m a divorce lawyer

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the be...

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I wonder if she got mileage points?

So a woman goes to the Ob/Gyn.

Ob: What brings you in today?
Patient: Uhm... I’ve been finding Costa Rican postage stamps in my vagina.
Ob: You’ve been finding what, where?!
Patient: Costa Rican postage stamps in my vagina...
Ob: Have you BEEN to Costa Rica?
Patient: No!
Ob...

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The Swiss

Two Swiss guys decide to walk from their hotel from the train station.
30 minutes into the walk one of the guys turns around and stamps on a snail that was behind them, squishing it to death. ´What the fuck did you do that for!?´exclaimed his friend. To which his companion replied ´Well, that fu...

What travels the world by staying in his corner ?

A stamps

A boy goes to his School Career Advisor to talk about what he should do after school.

The Advisor says to him, do you have any particular interests or talents? The boy says, I really love stamps, studying them, collecting them, everything about them. The Career Advisor shakes his head and says, I'm sorry to tell you this, but philately will get you nowhere.

"IRONY"...

"IRONY"...

This is short and to the point:
The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever, to 46 million people.
Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered b...

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A nasty little kid and his father...

A nasty little kid and his father were walking down the street one day when the little kid sees a butterfly on the pavement and he stamps on it.

"That was\`nt a very nice thing to do. For doing that your not allowed to have any butter for a whole week as punishment", says the father.

T...

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