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Shifty Jokes

A shifty looking guy in a kilt walks into a London pub

He orders a pint and very very carefully puts down the plastic bag he is carrying.

The bartender asks "What's that?"

The guy answers "6 pounds of explosives"

"Thank Christ for that" says the barman, "I thought it might be bagpipes."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just started working in a record store.

A Shifty Looking Guy walks in and says.

"got anything by The Doors?"

I said "yes 2 cameras and an alarm, now fuck off"!

An English man, a Welsh man and a Scottish man find a lamp

One of them give it a rub and a genie pops out.
"Thank you for releasing me! You can have 3 wishes, so I that makes it one wish each!"


The Welsh guy goes first, he looks a little shifty, but decides to go ahead anyway
"Genie is it? Alright so, I want you to build a wall betwee...

I suspect, the gears on my bike are no good.

Of late, they have been very shifty.

Sue reports for jury duty as ordered.

She promptly asks to be excused because she believes she's prejudiced. "I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin."

"Sit down," says the judge. "That's the prosecuting attorney."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is deaf and we worked out a nice system of signals for when we want to have sex.

If I want sex, I'll tap her on the butt once. If no sex, tap her twice. If she wants to have sex, she pulls my dick once. If she doesn't want to have sex, she pulls my dick 452 times.
Copied comment from u/TooShiftyForYou from r/videos

Why didn't the cowboy believe the italicized headline about his recent demise?

Because it had shifty i's, that's why.

I’ve never trusted tectonic plates

They’re too shifty

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

crappy pun

me: you know how sometimes caps lock locks you out of a website ,because you forgot to turn it off when typing the password
human society: ye...

A man's three daughters have their first dates

A man has three daughters and they all have dates on the same night. Now he's a protective father so he sets his shotgun by the door in case he thinks they're too shifty.
The first guy walks in and says, "Hey, I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, is she ready to go?"
The dad thinks, all right, th...

Why do the cops monitor the store that sells upper-case letters for computers?

It's a shifty business.

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