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Musk Jokes

Elon Musk lands on Mars and steps out of his spaceship

### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.

What’s the difference between elon musk and a lemur?

Elon Musk made an electric car

Lemurs Madagascar

What's the difference between Elon Musk and God?

God doesn't think he's Elon Musk.

What happened to the Twitter employee, that told Elon Musk not to rename the company?

He became an X employee!

elon musk, tiger woods, the pope and a college student are on an airplane …

the plane is going down, the pilots bailed, it’s going to crash.
there’s 4 of them and only 3 parachutes …
tiger woods says “i’m the best golfer in the world, i think i should get a parachute.”
everyone agrees, tiger woods takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane.
elon musk says “i...

Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter.

He plans to buy it.

Now that Elon Musk has bought Twitter and laid off half the staff, he’s planning on buying YouTube and Facebook and doing the same with them. To save even more money, he plans on merging the three companies into one…

…He’s going to call it YouTwitFace.

I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal

Elongate would be really drawn out.

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction,

and name it ElonGates.

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.

Why did Elon Musk go broke?

Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elon Musk and Bill Gates combined their enormous wealth and power to develop the most effective penis enlargement pill ever created.

They're calling it Elongates.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

if Elon Musk had a dollar for every racial slur & sexist slur on Twitter...

Oh, wait- he does.

why Elon musk is A true Edison of our time ?

Because He found a way to milk Nicolai after he has been long in the grave, too

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.

How did Elon Musk celebrate 420?

With SpaceX going up in smoke.

Why did Elon Musk abandon his Twitter acquisition?

He wanted to experience, for the first time in his life, the sensation of pulling out

I like my coffee the way I like Elon Musk

Freshly roasted

What do Elon Musk and Thomas Edison have in common?

They both got rich off of Tesla.

What did Elon musks get when changing twitters name?

A bunch of X-employees.

Elon Musk is considering removing blocking from Twitter

Which means your only options for defense will now be dodge and counter.

Elon Musk organized a press conference about his project to solve global warming

"I will build giant sunglasses"

Journalist raises her hand. "How does that stop the earth from warming up?"

"It makes it cool"

Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa, which is strange

You’d think he was from mad-at-gas-car.

Elon Musk: Did you move my car?

Team: Yeah.

Elon: Into the parking space, like I asked?

Team: Parking!?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Richard Branson so excited for space?

They’ve fucked almost everyone on our planet and want one last shot at Uranus.

Elon Musk new plan for Mars colonization will include only registered Republicans.

He is going to make it the true red planet.

Why does Elon Musk needs therapy?

He's never stopped wanting his X

I am dreading the time when Mr. Musk's scandal come out.

I just know Elon-gate will keep stretching on.

How does Elon Musk’s wife call him to dinner?

“Elon, time tweet!”

Elon Musk's DM to a hot girl: "Will send pics of my rocket. Lots of thrust. Gets up fast! Wink. Wink." Girl responds…

"Would be nice if it didn’t explode after 2 minutes."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elon Musk is being accused of sexual harassment…

I believe it, TSLA share price has been f**king me in the a$$ for months!

Elon Musk has announced a new recipe for chicken soup

First you boil the chicken in water and then you dump the stock.

What did Elon Musk say to Mark Zuckerberg?

Hold my beer!

Elon Musk and some European guy sat next to eachother on a plane.

Being bored, Musk turned to the European and said; "Lets play a game. You ask me a question, if I dont know the answer, I pay you 500 dollars. Then I ask you a question, if you dont know the answer, you pay me 5 dollars." The European, thinking for a second, said; "sure, but you ask the first questi...

Elon Musk thinks he's a real life Tony Stark

But he's actually a real life Justin Hammer

What do you call people who work for Elon Musk's lithium operations?

Minors.

Elon Musk has only owned Twitter for one day...

and it's already ran over 2 pedestrians.

What would Elon Musk do if he bought Madagascar?

Change its name to MadaElectricCar

Musk is really stretching out this Twitter controversy.

Should start calling it Elongate.

Elon Musk and Bill Gates have decided to partner in a joint venture to invent a medication to overcome erectile dysfunction.

They have decided to name the new drug 'Elongates'.

How did Musk feel after banning everyone from Twitter?

All Elone :(

Have you heard? Melinda Gates, Mackenzie Scott, and Justine Musk are starting their own rocket company!

They are calling it Space-Ex’s and their rockets are guaranteed to go pren-up up up.

What did Elon Musk say to Grimes before they made X Æ A-12?

i 1 2 ½ 6

Why does Elon Musk make his employees have a net electric charge?

He doesn't want them to be unionized.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elon Musk says he is going to pull Tesla out of California

Never trust a guy with 6 kids that says he is going to pull out

How did I hear about Elon Musk not actually buying Twitter?

A little bird told me

I expect the Musk-Twitter feud to take a really long time to resolve

I mean, one should expect Elon-gate to drag out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of balls does Elon Musk have?

Teslacles.

The good news is Elon Musk is turning Twitter' headquarters into a homeless shelter

The bad news is, it can only house 280 characters, or less

What is Elons Musk favorite snack?

Mars bars.

Elon Musk and his girlfriend have broken up.

Told her he needed some space.

Did you hear that Elon Musk is planning to buy the entire island of Madagascar?

He’s planning to rename it Madaelectriccar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elon Musk wants to start a university called the ‘Texas Institute of Technology & Science and an affiliate called Austin School of Science

To be known as TITS and ASS

You know who really gives kids a bad name?

Elon Musk

Elon Musk has been making bad decisions since getting his hairplugs

He needs toupee

Imagine if Elon Musk got married to Bill Gates and took his name...

Yeah no, you're right... 'Elon Gates' is a stretch.

Oh No! Not ELON!

Man is driving along the freeway when he is stopped by a huge traffic jam.

After sitting there for quite a long time, he sees another man walking from car-to-car.

The second man finally gets up to his car. He rolls down the window....

"Hey man, what's going on up ahead?"
...

New Teslas don't come with a new car smell

They come with an Elon Musk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaking News: Elon Musk & Bill Gates have joined hands

to make a Penis Enhancer.....They will call it
ELONGATES

People say Elon Musk is a mad scientist. Do you think he relates to Dr. Jekyll?

Because I've always heard he benefited from having a part Hyde.

Did you hear Elon Musk opened a storefront down at the mall?

"Space for Rent"

Elon Musk and Bill Gates had two children

One was Elon Gates, who became the tallest man alive. The other was Bill Musk and he smelled like money.

I sure hope Elon musk’s $50,000 house isn’t part of another cover-up scandal

Elongate would be very drawn out.

What do Bill Gates and Elon Musk have in common?

They broke windows live on stage.

Superman would have hated Elon Musk as much as Lex Luthor..

because Elon loves his Crypto.

Elon Musk has been captured by a fellow billionaire and is now trapped in a medieval rack.

He is to henceforth be known as Elon Gates.

Before Elon Musk got into electric cars...

... he was plain old Lon Musk

What’s Elon Musk’s favourite comedy?

Bambi

When Elon Musk converts to Islam

He'd be Elon Mosque.

What do you call the combination of Tesla, SpaceX, and The Boring Company?

3Musketeers

Elon Musk wants to send people to mars

I think we can all agree that he is the most creative serial killer of all time.

Elon Musk rewatches The Matrix.

Realizes that Neo is the good guy.

What is Elon Musk's favourite band?

Thirty Seconds to Mars

What happens to Musk when he approaches a black hole?

He gets Elongated

Why would Elon musk take a chicken into space?

To make spaceggs

Elon Musk, Cristiano Ronaldo, a mailman, and the Dalai Lama are in a plane when suddenly they enter some extremely rough turbulence.

The pilot enters the room and says “Bad news, the plane is damaged too bad to fix. We have maybe 5 minutes before we’re going to have to abandon the plane.” Unfortunately, when they grab the parachutes, they see that one of them has an enormous rip through the middle and is unusable, which leaves f...

Elon Musk has launched a new cologne!

Space-Axe Body Spray™

Why does Elon Musk want so many satellites?

He’s transmitten with them.

What is Elon Musk's favorite country?

Mad-at-gas-car

Why doesn't Elon Musk like Taco Bell?

It gives him gas

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elon Musk has Tested his New Nerolink Brain Implant on Pigs

No word yet if it has successfully stopped them from shooting black people.

Elon Musk needs to start a new company,

Elon Must.

Elon Musk’s tunnel-digging venture just got approved for expansion...

Even more boring than before!

Which African country is Elon Musk from?

Madatgascar

Elon Musk is reported to have written a short joke on his Falcon Heavy rocket.

I guess the real joke is in the comets.

What's the difference between Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg?

One's a human trying to conquer Mars and the other is an alien trying to conquer Earth.

Note: This joke isn't mine, I heard it somewhere but I forgot where, if it's already been posted send me the link and I'll remove it.

There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.

Their next car is Elon gated.

What did Elon Musk say to the SpaceX crew before taking off?

>!Dracarys!<

The Court has decided Elon Musk will be Granted Sole Custody of Child X Æ A-12 After Divorce from Wife Grimes

Since he filed for and was awarded the patent back in March of 2019

Elon Musk would never have to worry if he lost his son X

He could just go to a mathematician to find him.

Elon Musk unveils pig with chip in its brain...

...it was from the Kenosha County Sheriff's Department.

BREAKING NEWS: Elon Musk Announces All SpaceX Flights To Mars Cancelled

Martian officials say borders closed until CoronaVirus is under control.

If Elon Musk was a country, what country would he be?

Mad at gas car.

If Elon Musk released a line of fragrances they would probably call it..

Tesla for Men or something like that

Elon Musk announces he will visit ISS till Covid-19 stabilises.

And nobody even assumed this is a joke.

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