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I hate shower sex.

It's slippery, awkward, and one of the worst things about prison.

People always say I fall for the slippery slope fallacy...

What’s next? Schizophrenia? Psychosis ?

What’s long and slippery?

A slipper.

Do you make grass slippery? Do you make windows wet? Are you a morning person?

If so, you may be dew condensation.

If you want to run on the slippery floors,

Then knock yourselves out

What's green and slippery?

Two adjectives.

This one is mine, so it's not great, but I like it....

A guy named Bob works in an oil refinery, and since he only lives about a mile from the plant, he just rides his bicycle in every day. There only inconvenience is he has to carry his bike across a catwalk that stretches over numerous vats of oil being refined.

One day, he stumbles and *gloop...

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98% of Canadians say "Oh shit!" on a slippery before going into the ditch.

*The other 2% are from Newfoundland and they say: "Hold my beer and watch this!"*

Merry christmas!

**Don't drink and drive this holiday.**

I tripped on a "slippery when wet" sign today.

I was floored by the irony.

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The danger with online porn is that it's a slippery slope

First, you click one link. Then that leads you to another, then another, then another...

Then, before you know it, your pants are off, it's four hours later, and you're getting weird looks from everyone else in the library.

Sure you're just sledding now

But sledding is a gateway to other things.
Soon you'll be tobogganing.
And snow-tubing.
And snowboarding.
And skiing.

It's a slippery slope.

What do you call a slippery book?

Non-Friction

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So a blond woman was at a shoe store arguing about the price of alligator boots

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, "Well, little lady, why don't you go give...

I have a confession. Lately I've been greasing up all the wheelchair ramps around town.

I've tried so hard to stop, but once you start it's a really slippery slope...

Dad's Shortcut

Dad used to tell us about the time he took a short cut home on Halloween. He grew up on a farm in western New York state, and at the time Halloween meant going out with his friend, Tommy, to do pranks. They had been out pranking drivers by tying a couple tin cans to the two ends of a long string, ...

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When to visit my friend the other day

He told me make yourself at home but stay out of the kitchen, the floors just got waxed an are a little slippery. I look over and see his two dogs running and falling over on the kitchen floor so i ask what is up with those two. He looks over and says with a smile.

"*Them bitches be trippin*...

So one night I was drinking at the pub for a while and decided it was time to head home

I had too much to drink so I had to walk home. It started raining on my way so I decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery to get home faster.

It was really dark and eventually I found myself fallen into an open grave, I tried to climb out but the wall was wet and slippery, and kept bre...

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Young boy goes up to his Dad and asks "Where did I come from?"

His father sighs and says "I was hoping your mother would get this question but OK I will explain".

"So when a man and woman are in love and want to have a baby they get naked and get into bed and then they touch each other and kiss and the man touches the woman's breasts and vagina and the w...

Mom: “What time are we leaving?”

Dad: “9:15”

Mom: “OK, I’ll jump in the shower real quick”

Dad: “Yikes, be careful, it’s slippery in there”

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Another Parrot

A society woman is given a parrot as a gift. She quickly teaches the parrot to announce the various guests who arrive at her many parties. As Mr. and Mrs. Smith arrive, the parrot would say, "Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Smith." As Mr. and Mrs. Jones arrived, the parrot would say, "Introducing Mr. and M...

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.

By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

“Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'...

The driver from a Hit and Run was arrested

Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top

Driver : it was snowing, the ground was slippery, I was, I was..

Detective : those are just excuses buddy.. Tell me, was this on purpose?

Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car and I was gonna hi...

The Coronavirus has shut down theater

Due to social distancing, the Shakespearean Theater Company had to cancel all of their live shows. Before self-quarantining, they decided to do one last performance of Romeo and Juliet and livestream their production over the internet. In order to reach a wide audience, they advertised there show o...

A drunk was walking with a whisky bottle in the pocket of his coat

It was late and the streets were slippery from the rain. Suddenly, he lost his footing and fell face first in the curb.

Feeling his body, he noticed his chest was wet. He closed his eyes and prayed:

“Dear Lord, please let it be blood”

My child is becoming addicted to water slides

I’m afraid she’s going down a slippery slope..

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For women, waiting for sex is a lot like waiting for snow

They don't know how many inches is there gonna be, they don't know how long it will last, but they know it's gonna be slippery.

German couple on the Autobahn. He drives, she wakes up after a nap, looks over and asks him:"Why are you going 180kph??"

"Because the road looks slippery."

What do you call a water slide with cocaine at the end?

A slippery slope

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

What's pink and slippery?

Pink slippers


What's brown and runny?

Usain bolt

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What do you call a horny asian woman?

Actually, I'm not going to finish that. It's a slippery slope.

T'was a wet and rainy Christmas eve...

...when santa landed on our roof.

The slippery condition were quite treacherous,

as a reindeer missed its hoof.

Santa and his reindeers came sliding down.

I would've laffed if it was a clown.

One by one, they got tangled in the lights,

and came crashing down...

Why shouldn’t you let somebody who just got out of rehab go skiing?

Because it’s a slippery slope

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Just a compilation of 10 corny jokes that still make me chuckle.

1. What was wrong with the wooden car with wooden wheels?
It "wooden" go!

2. Why can't a dick be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot

3. A guy walks into the doctors office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ass. The doc takes one look and he says, "It looks like w...

A man dies and finds himself at the foot of a mountain.

There is a sign by the mountain that reads ‘Welcome to Mount Olympus. To learn your fate in the afterlife, climb to the top and see the twelve deities.’

The man looks up the towering mountain, wondering how he will reach the high summit. As he starts his ascent he sees another man making his ...

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Anybody who bothered to look could have seen the signs. Speed had done it's work on the road and it was starting to crack up - didn't know if it was coming or going. The chicken knew that. The chicken knew that road had always been a little slippery. Sure it started out with bright, clear lines and ...

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Three men arrive at heaven…

Prior to entering they must each tell their story separately on how they died as the greeter of the gates likes to hear the stories, good or bad. The first man proceeds to tell his story.

“ I arrived home from work early because I’ve had the suspicion that my wife has been cheating on me. As ...

The old man, the prince, and the fish.

Once upon a time, there was a prince of a certain land, who wanted to be a lowly fisherman when he grew up. But try as he could, he couldn't ever catch a single fish. He had tried many methods, including nets, spears, and traps, but all to no avail.

Furthermore, he was looked down upon by the...

Girl Lost a bikini bottom at the pool.

A girl in the bikini walked into the pool. After a few minutes she lost her bikini bottom. Horrified, she grabbed the pool's warning sign post to cover her bottom. Everyone turned to her and laugh. She realized that post said "slippery when wet". She quickly threw that post and grabbed another. Ever...

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The Wishing Pool

Three friends who were on an adventure through the jungle stumbled upon a magical wonder: they discovered a pool which turned into whatever you wished for. Before jumping off the rock next to the pool, you have to shout whatever you want the pool to turn into.

The first friend decided to try ...

A compass, a cough drop, and a match.

As a Boy Scout, we would camp a lot and go on hikes.


One night, we had to do a night hike, alone, for a merit badge. I had left the campsite about an hour earlier and a terrible storm rolled in. The sky opened up and the ground was quickly saturated. I tried to continue my hike for anothe...

I recently got very addicted to skiing

My doctor told me I'm going down a slippery slope

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In the middle of a beautiful forest there is a pond filled with clear, cool water.

Flying about six inches above the pond is a fly. The fly is thinking "I'm thirsty. If I drop down to the surface of the pond I can get a drink".

Unknown to the fly a fish is quietly watching it and thinking "That fly looks thirsty. If it drops down to get a drink I can swim up and eat it. Tha...

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Clean floor

*A blonde woman had just finished sweeping the bathroom's floor when she went downstairs and heard her husband calling her again from the second floor.*

"Honey, the floor was so shiny I literally kissed it!"

"Really? Did I seriously do such a good job?"

"No, It's slippery as fuc...

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Horse Names banned by the British Horse Racing Authority

Chit Hot

Chocolate Starfish

Choke the Chicken

Curl One Off

Dick Face

Harry Azzol

Harry Balls

Harry Monk

Hugh G Dildeaux

Hugh G Rection

Hugh Gass Kisser

Hugh Gorgy

Hugh Janus

Ima Hoare

Ima Goodlay
...

Northernlion's birth

When NL was being born, the doctor grabbed him, but NL was so slippery that the doctor dropped him to the floor. To the doctor's and his mother's surprise, NL did not cry. Instead, he sighed deeply and said:

"Dumb damage"

Twins

A woman gives birth to twins. At age 8, one twin notices that his brother is about an inch taller than he is, but doesn't think much of it. At age 10, his brother appears to be two inches taller, and naturally the shorter boy begins to get discouraged. When they reach the age of 12, the shorter b...

A blind rabbit and a blind snake

A blind rabbit and a blind snake are roaming around in the woods. The rabbit trips over the snake and the rabbit says "Watch out where you're going! I'm blind"
"Wow, what a coincidence" says the snake. "I'm blind too! What are you?"
"I don't know, I've always been blind why don't you feel me?"...

I think my niece has a burgeoning slip 'n slide addiction

Once you go down one, it's just a slippery slope.

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