A blind rabbit and a blind snake were friends. One day the blind rabbit told the blind snake that he didn’t know what he was, because he couldn’t see. So he asked the snake for help in determining what he was.

The blind snake slithered up to the blind rabbit, felt it all over and said: “You have long, furry ears and a short little tail. You must be a rabbit.”

The blind rabbit was delighted with the news, and agreed to repay the favour so that the blind snake could find out what he was.

The b...

What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frog's finger.

What do you call a slimy, Pokemon orgy?

A Mukbang.

A very hungry man is looking for some chili

So he checks restaurant after restaurant but everyone is out. Discouraged, he decides to check in a rundown restaurant in a shady part of the city. He walks in and sees a man staring at a bowl of chili. He smiles knowing this place has what he is looking for then asks the waitress if he could get a ...

What is red, slimy and crawls up your leg?

An abortion with home sickness.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

Ever have one of those days where you're wiping away and the poo is all wet and slimy so your finger breaks through the toilet roll and your finger just slips inside, like two knuckles deep? I just had a day like that.

Anyway, I'm not allowed to volunteer at *that* child care centre anymore.

What do you call the slimy stuff between dinosaurs' toes?

Slow cavemen.

A blind snake and a blind rabbit bump into each other...

The snake feels the rabbit and says "You are soft,small, and have a bushy tail, you must be a rabbit.", the the rabbit feel the snake and says "You're slimy, have beady eyes, slither in the ground, and have a forked tongue, you must be a politician!".

A blind rabbit and a blind snake have been friends for years

One day, they decide to feel each other over so they can tell each other what animal they are.

The snake feels across the rabbits body and says "hmm, long ears, fluffy tail, big feet... you must be a bunny."

The rabbit feels the snake and says "cold, slimy, forked tongue, no balls... y...

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a cat fish?

One is a slimy bottom feeder and the other one is a fish.

One day, grandpa is taking care of his grandson...

Sitting on the porch, he's watching him picking up worms and trying to put them back in their holes on the dirt.

-That won't work, son. They're too soft and too slimy to be inserted like that.

-Wanna bet, grandpa?

-I'm telling you, it won't work.

-How about $10?

Se...

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The Octopus Joke Retold

So this guy walks into a bar with an Octopus. He is named the Amazing Octodad, seriously it's on his T-shirt. He heads to the bar, gets a beer and waits for the music to stop. A cute blonde gives a weird wtf look when a tentacle starts wriggling over to tickle her leg but Octodad just winks and says...

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A man walks into a bank

He's accompanied by a broker. The man asks to speak to someone about making a large deposit, so the banker sends him straight to the boss.

"Good morning," says the man, "I'm here to deposit $40,000.

"Well now," says the banker, "how did you acquire such funds? We like to keep a clean n...

A well-dressed city slicker breaks down on a country road...

His cellphone is dead, but a kindly farmer tells him he can use the landline in his farmhouse, a few hundred yards back from the road.

The traveller strides hurriedly across the farmer's field in advance of the farmer, but hesitates as he draws near a broad body of water, and turns back to lo...

A frog walks into a bank.

The frog hops up on the counter of the nearest available teller and says "I want a loan."

Confused, the teller asks for the frog's name.

"My name is Kermit Jagger, son of Rolling Stone's legend Mick Jagger, and I want a loan" he says. "And what is **YOUR** name?"

"My name is Pat...

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A young frustrated actor, James, was desperately looking for a role.

He had been auditioning and auditioning to no avail. At this point, after the Weinstein revelations, he was convinced that the show business industry was completely corrupt and directors and producers only cast people who were willing to do “favours” for them. 



He’d turned down a dire...

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A bright and brash Australian,

the hunter was his name.

All those slimy reptiles

brought him wealth and fame.

Some say he was a looker,

to girls he was a dish.

He knew everything about crocodiles

But fuck all about fish.

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A woman sits down at a bar and asks for a drink.

"I hear you have a drink that is guaranteed to be as good as an orgasm in my mouth or my money back, I'll have one of those."

The Barkeep mixes, stirs, shakes and pours and serves the young lady the drink.

The yound lady takes a sip and spits the drink on the floor.

"Ugh, this ...

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There was once a shag everything bunny

This bunny had the reputation of screwing all the animals that he came across.
So one day, this snake moves in in the vicinity. As soon as the other animals find out, the warn him
-Mr snake, best stay away from the bunny as he will surely shag you.
-Nonse! says the snake.
-No really, sa...

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A group of eels are chilling in the river...

When a full tuxedo comes drifting downstream.

Danny, the leader of the bunch, turns to his three pals.

"Holy shit guys, now's our chance!"

"Yeah!" says Tommy, "Let's get drunk!"

So Tommy threads himself through the pants of the tux in a U shape, forming a nice looking pai...

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When God first made Adam and Eve, we learned a few things.

In the early days of the Garden of Eden, God didn't realize that he had made Eve much hornier than planned. She was constantly after Adam's junk. One day, after Adam couldn't get it up any more, Eve decided to look for fulfillment elsewhere.
She stormed off, and the first creature she saw was a d...

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And Indian guy goes to walmart

An Indian goes to Walmart in the U.S.
He finds cat food at special prices.He picks a dozen cans of cat food & goes to check out.

The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy might not have a cat & will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show him his c...

A Pirates life for me...

A first mate says to his captain "sir i have the yearn in me loins, and we haven't made port in weeks what do i do"

Captain : "I too have this problem , and have a solution!. when ever ye feel the need, place your self in this hole in the barrel, except on Wednesdays never on Wednesdays"
<...

What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

One's a slimy, scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is delicious dipped in batter and deep-fried.

*-Hannibal Lecter*

A rabbit and a worm, both blind from birth, run into each other in the forest..

The rabbit hurriedly apologizes stating that he was born blind and never meant to cause any trouble.

The worm quickly responds that he too was born blind and, on top of it all, was abandoned so he did not even know what he was.

Not believing his luck, the rabbit responds that he too d...

A blind rabbit and a blind snake

A blind rabbit and a blind snake are roaming around in the woods. The rabbit trips over the snake and the rabbit says "Watch out where you're going! I'm blind"
"Wow, what a coincidence" says the snake. "I'm blind too! What are you?"
"I don't know, I've always been blind why don't you feel me?"...

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