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Bumpy Jokes

Bumpy Night

An unruly drunk was being escorted out of the bar by a hulking bouncer.

'You should find another job,' the drunk says sarcastically.

"I have a Ph.D in phrenology,' the bouncer says.

"What field is that?'

'I can read the bumps on your head, after i put them there.'

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A bumpy flight

A plane full of British passengers is heading towards Paris with a smooth and uneventful start. Suddenly the plane is lurching and dipping with passengers getting very annoyed.

A group of passengers approach a flight attendant and demand to know what's happening. She says everything is fine ...

What sound does a 747 make when it has a bumpy landing?

Boeing

An Italian stallion was tripping down a old bumpy road.

When a woman drove past. A little while later she thought: " Well, that certainly was Rocky. "

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Turbulence in flights gets so bumpy that I'm always pissed off. Why can't there be something smoother?

Instead of turbulence, why can't there be flatulence?

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Rough landing

After a particularly rough, bumpy landing, a pilot made the usual announcement to passengers as they taxied to the terminal, then forgot to turn the mike off. The entire plane heard him say, "After a landing like that I really need a hot coffee and a blow job." As a female flight attendant raced up...

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Johnny finally makes it to college...

On the first day his psych professor begins a perception exercise by telling the students to close their eyes and feel around for an object, then describe the object and tell her what it is.

First she calls on Kyle who says "I feel something big round and bumpy. It's a globe!"

The p...

Learning to read Braille with my index finger hasn't been easy so far

In fact, it's been a pretty bumpy ride

I once got a summer job to grade the county gravel roads.

I got fired when I started flunking all the roads for being too bumpy.

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A Boeing 777 was flying from New York to Paris...

A Boeing 777 was flying from New York to Paris when it encountered some heavy turbulence over the Atlantic. The captain has a decade of flying under his belt and manages to get through the turbulence without any major incidents.

He then switches on the intercom and says, “This is your captai...

Three park rangers are walking together through a wintry forest when they come upon a tiny leprechaun, shivering in the cold.

The leprechaun asks the rangers for help escaping the snowy forest, and tells them that whoever can come up with the best and kindest way to transport him out of the forest, will be granted his pot of gold.

The first ranger offers him a limousine. “You will be in the lap of luxury as you are ...

Two Nuns riding home from church on a tandem bicycle...

Suddenly the nun in front steers the bike down a very bumpy road - not their normal rout.

Curious, the nun on the back asks, "Have you come this way before, sister?"

Nun in front replies, "Yes... I think it's the *cobblestones!"*

A newly wed couple is riding through the field on a donkey-cart.

After a while the donkey trips up. The man calmly gets down and looks the donkey squarely in the eyes.

"This, is the first time," he says.

Terrified the donkey keeps trotting on and tries his best to not trip again, but eventually they get to wet grass and he can't help slipping. The m...

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Oil well fire fighters

3 tycoons own an oil well that catches on fire. They try everything they can think of to put it out, to no avail. So they call Red Adair, the famous oil well fire fighter. He tells them he can put out the fire, but it will be 3 weeks before he can get there and will cost half a million dollars. ...

A woman’s VW Beetle breaks down

She stops at the side of the road and doesn’t know what to do.

She has no phone signal, and doesn’t see any cars. She feels stranded.

20 minutes later she sees a car in a distance! ...but it doesn’t stop.

Neither does the next one. She’s distraught.

Then after much wait...

Bob, a Neanderthal furniture craftsman, lugs his latest stone creation into Harry’s store.

Harry is the proud owner of Pleistocene Man Home, a thriving home goods and flint cave.

Bob, still breathing heavily from his labor, says to Harry, “Here new chair. Soft slate. No crack. Has club holder.

Harry is impressed. “Good chair! Better than chair you make for Doug”

“W...

Back in time

Stop me if you heard this joke:

Jimmy magically traveled back in time hundreds and hundreds of years.

He walked around the village feeling very superior to these uneducated and backward people. Saw them practicing with bows and arrows, riding horses, etc.

He walked up to the me...

There's this penguin...

There's this penguin, driving through the South, the Deep South... late August. The hot months. "Ew! But it sure is hot!" the penguin lisped from behind the wheel of his choking jalopy.

Suddenly! The jalopy fails the penguin and he has to push it down a bumpy road to the next small town. He g...

An American tourist is traveling in Thailand and stops over in a small border village for a meal. While the inside of the restaurant is rather small and modest, it does have a beautifully designed ant farm covering most of one wall. Curious, he asks the old man running the restaurant about it.

“Ah,” says the old man. “I use the ant eggs to make a dish called maengman chom. The Cambodians who visit here especially love it; they spend so many riel on it that I had that display made to show off the ants. It’s a specialty of mine; would you like to try some?”

“Ant eggs are a little exo...

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