Netflix and Disney should just join forces to create the most controversial movie ever: a young girl becomes infatuated with makeup and skimpy outfits, but first she must save China from the threat of the Uighur.

Call it *Mulan Rouge*

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This is as good a day as any to post this old one...

An older catholic priest is sweeping up between the pews after mass when a very attractive scantily clad young woman rushes into the church. She is visibly upset as she runs up to the priest, holding her face in her hands and sobbing.

Although the priest noticed her ample physique and skim...

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This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, motherfucking manager, you cocksucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters. The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can'.

The manager comes o...

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Over the last few months I became a victim of a clever scam while shopping at Home Depot.

Simply going out to get supplies


has turned out to be very traumatic for me. Don't be


naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your


friends. Here's how the scam works:


Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over

...

What did B-Real from Cypress Hill say when his daughter came downstairs in a skimpy dress...?

You ain’t going out like that, you ain’t going out like that.

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A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.

As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved.


As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, ...

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Cheap parrot

Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "Why is he so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whispers, "I h...

Urgent message to all older men...

There has been a terrible spate of robberies by a gang of young women. Their MO is to pull you over on the road and hitch a ride. They always wear skimpy bikinis, then start to rub themselves on you while you're driving in order to distract you. One of them then sneakily steals your wallet. I have a...

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NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

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Mr. and Mrs. Johnson wanted to join a very conservative church.

"When was the last time you had sex?" asked the minister.

"Just this morning," said Mr. Johnson.

"At our church," said the minister, "we do not tolerate it when people have sex more than once every three months. Today is May 1st. Please come back by August 1st. If you have not had sex...

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Climbing the Ladder to Success

Joe walks along a road and comes across a man standing next to a ladder that stretches up into the clouds. He walks up to the man and asks what's going on.

"Oh, this? This is the ladder to success," the man replies.

"Interesting," Joe mumbles. "I was just fired from my job and caugh...

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Scam alert! Men beware

During the recent hot weather here in the UK we have had a couple of young women operating a scam at our local supermarket. They offer a while-you-wait car valeting service - you just drive in and while you sit there, one of them washes the outside of the car while the other vacuums the inside. They...

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(Nsfw) The lone ranger and Tonto are travelling when they are captured by a band of outlaws

They bury the Lone ranger up to his neck in the dirt. The outlaws ask the lone ranger if he has any last requests before they leave him to die.


"Yes I do, tonto come here a moment"


Tonto comes over and the lone ranger whispers something in his ear. Suddenly tonto makes a run f...

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Bartering Australian style

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of VB beer cheap at the local supermarket.

I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home.
I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

S...

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Old Men Scam

>**Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc.  This is the first warning I have seen for men.  I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.  A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Sam’s ...

Three men end up in hell

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell h...

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A Trip to the Brothel

One day a man comes home to find his wife having an affair with the neighbour, obviously Infuriated by this he storms out of the house and goes on a ride to the towns brothel. Upon entering he is greeted by a beautiful lady in skimpy lingerie, seething with anger he walks up to her and says "I want ...

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Three co-workers stopped for a drink after work on Christmas Eve

One drink led to another, and they progressed to some serious partying. Later in the evening, they were on their way to another spot when their drunken driver crashed the car, killing them instantly.

The three find themselves in front of the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter. He tells ...

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A farmer selling his peaches

A farmer knocks on the door and an attractive woman answers the door in skimpy lingerie.
"Hello Ma'am, would you like to buy some peaches?"

As she leans on the door frame she asks; "are they as soft as these?" while she touches her breasts. "Or are they as round as this?" as she touches h...

Warning: Car Cleaning scam

Guys, please take care when shopping. I've become a victim of a scam, this is what happens:

While loading my car at the supermarket 2 very attractive ladies come over to help and clean the windshield wearing very skimpy clothing (very nice to watch I must say), they wouldn't take any payment...

She was already feeling very annoyed that night

The skimpy uniform the bar owner made them all wear was bad enough. It helped with tips, she guessed, and as a newly single mom she had to do whatever she could to pay the bills.

But the men! She could feel their oozing gazes following her as she buzzed around the room carrying drinks and cle...

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It's Mr. Simon's last mail delivery after 40 years of dedicated service.

And as he arrives at the last house on his route, the number of gifts and tokens of appreciation in his overbrimming mail cart is pretty damned impressive.

And it's not without a tear in his eye that he flips the front door's brass mail slot to push the last delivery of his professional life ...

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A crusty old sergeant major walks into a brothel in Korea...

He walks up to the receptionist and says, "I'm a sergeant major, I've seen combat in every major conflict for the last 35 years, and I want the best goddamn hooker you've got in this place!"

The receptionist nods and leads him to one of the back rooms. Waiting there is a stunningly beautiful ...

Tell them I died because of aids...

Dad: Son when I finally die, tell them that I died because of aids.
Son: Why aids dad? You're dying becuase of cancer!
Dad: So that when i die nobody would date your mom! She is now wearing skimpy shorts I aint even dead yet!

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So an old couple was getting ready for bed...

...when the old lady throws off her robe, revealing the skimpy negligee that she was wearing, jumps on her husband and yells "SUPER SEX!".

The man takes one look at his wife and says, "Well if you don't mind, I would like the soup."

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Birthday at the old-age home

So it's Phil's 90th birthday. All of the residents of the old-age home are there. Suddenly, two people come in with a huge "Happy Birthday" cake. The top of the cake opens up, and out pops a gorgeous busty blonde in a skimpy bikini. She goes over to Phil, sits on his lap, and says "It's your 90t...

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The Newly Weds

After the ceremony, a newly wed couple celebrated their marriage at the brides father's ranch.

The groom, having traveled a lot during their relationship, didn't have a chance to acquaint himself to anyone but the brides mother and father.

During the dinner, he finally got to meet most...

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Mailman's last day on the job

A mailman is on his last day of the job after 20 years delivering the mail on the same route. He is going about his regular routine, when he is greeted at the door by a stunning blonde. She's wearing nothing more than a skimpy robe and beckons him inside. Without a word she leads him up the stairs a...

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Damn Tourists...

A guy's driving down in the Florida Keys. He see a little roadside stand and pulls over because he's feeling hungry. He gets out and sees a sign: "CONCH SALAD $5. GROUPER SANDWICH $10. HAND JOB $15. There's an attractive girl in a skimpy bikini standing behind the wooden counter, smiling seductively...

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