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Bikinis Jokes

Statistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

Stastistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is interesting; what they hide is critical

My dad once told me that essays are like bikinis ...

Big enough to cover the subject, but small enough to keep it interesting.

Statistics are like bikinis....

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

- Tell me, Rabbi, can a Jew look at women in bikinis?

I'm leaving for a vacation tomorrow, and surely there will be lots of girls in bikinis on the shore...

\- Oh, nothing wrong with that.

\- I'm a bit worried about looking at women other than my wife. And if they'll be topless? Can I look at them?

\- Yes, you can.

\- But wh...

I don't get why girls wear bikinis at the beach.

They've got nothing to hide.

Have you seen the new clear plastic bikinis?

They're worth looking into.

Two good old boys are out fishing, when a cruise boat with beautiful women appears.

Seeing the beautiful women, all in bikinis, one of them asks, “what should we do?” The others thinks upon it for a bit until he has an idea.

“Hey,” he says, “show them gals your nuts”

“Really?” asks his freind.

“Really” his freind responds.

At which point the buddy g...

The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…

Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!"

Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"

Summer rays, "Yes, but I am und...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Logic 101

Mitch sees Nick, an old friend, and walks up to him: "Where have you been? Haven't seen you for a while at the pub. Wanna join us on the card game tonight?"

"I can't. I have a lecture in an hour."

"A lecture? Aren't you too old to study?"

"You're never too old to study the logic...

Urgent message to all older men...

There has been a terrible spate of robberies by a gang of young women. Their MO is to pull you over on the road and hitch a ride. They always wear skimpy bikinis, then start to rub themselves on you while you're driving in order to distract you. One of them then sneakily steals your wallet. I have a...

How (not) to meet women at the beach

A young guy moved to the beach and is trying to meet women, but isn't having much luck. One day, the young guy is walking down the beach, and he passes an old guy, who is completely surrounded by young beautiful women in bikinis vying for his attention. The young guy scratches his head and keeps wal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

right by the beach ... [long] [slightly nsfw]

So I'm at the beach with my buddy, on Vancouver Island. We're just sitting on the rocks smoking some joints, meanwhile down on the sand there's girls in bikinis laying on their towels getting some sun. We see this guy walking along the beach talking to the girls.

He's wearing a big colorfu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob wins the lottery.

Bob: Pack your bags Doris, I've won the lottery.

Doris: But where are we going? what shall I pack? T-shirts and bikinis for some place hot, or boots and woolies for some place cold?

Bob: Just pack 'em and fuck off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

A man dies and is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. St. Peter says to the man, "There is really nothing extremely good nor bad about your life to determine your fate. You'll have to spend 24 hours in Heaven and in Hell, then choose where you wish to spend eternity."
The man thinks for a momen...

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