Armed man storms into a sperm bank wearing a ski mask

He shouts "**everybody hit the floor!**" and shoots his gun twice at the ceiling. Everybody hits the floor in muffled panic. He then approaches the main desk and accosts the lady behind the counter:

\- **you! bank lady! where is the storage vault?**

\+ it's downstairs but--

\- ...

Three women are changing at the gym when a man wearing nothing but a ski mask enters the changeroom and starts dancing in front of the women.

The first woman looks at the man and says, "I don't know who this guy is, but he isn't my husband!"

The second woman takes a closer look at the man. Then she turns to the first woman and says, "You are right. He isn't your husband."

The third woman takes an even closer look and says, "...

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A man wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun bursts through the door of a bank

"Go to the back and give me everything you've got!" the man says.

The woman replies, "Sir, this is a mistake, this is a SPERM bank."

"I don't give a shit, you go get me what I told you!"

The woman goes to the back and comes out carrying a tray full of sperm samples.

"Open...

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A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your money in this bag!"

The frightened bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!"

The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartend...

A woman works in a sperm bank. She is taking a bottle of specimen when a man wearing a ski mask and a gun suddenly bursts into the room.

The gunman points the gun at her, and tells her to drink the specimen. The woman is both scared and shocked. Afraid for her life, she opens the bottle and swallows the liquid. The gunman removes his mask, revealing himself to be her husband, and says:
'See, that wasn't so hard, was it?'

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!" "In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"

A weasel walks into a gas station with a ski mask and a gun, demanding that the cashier puts everything in a bag for him. The cashier says “wow! A weasel!! I’ve never seen one in real life before!”

*pop goes the weasel

So a man with a ski mask on...

...walks into a bank with a gun in hand. He runs up to the first teller and holds the gun up to her.
"This is a robbery! Gimme everything you got!"

"Bu...but sir i dont think you understand. This is a sperm bank" said the teller.

Obviously thrown off guard, the robber stands there ...

The whole story

It was evident from the start that Joe Bob was kind but wasn’t very bright. His bumbling and stumbling often irritated people greatly, and so, they became impatient with him. Joe Bob’s mother worried endlessly for her son until one day she went to seek the advice of a wise old woman that lived in a ...

I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well, I will be out of debt.

I’m so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.

Boy: What's a palindrome?

Teacher: racecar

{10 years later}

Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome

Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]

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Wrong bank

A man walks into a sperm bank with a ski mask and a .45 pointed at the woman behind the counter."Open the safe " .The woman pleads "Sir is not that kind of Bank". "Open the safe and remove the contents" . She removed a test tube tray full of sperm samples. The man puts the gun in the woman's face an...

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Origin of the phrase “pissed”

To clarify this isnt your traditional joke, not really a punch line I just came up with this theory in a somewhat joking manner and can’t think of a more appropriate place to put it

So anyway, there’s some friends that get together sometimes and prank each other. One of them Bill, Bob, and Ba...

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This is a robbery!

A man storms into a bank with a ski mask over his head and a shotgun.

"This is a robbery" the man shouts. "Open the vault!!"

The receptionist stands still looking at the robber questionably.

"We don't have any money here sir" the receptionist replies. "This is a sperm bank..."...

Houdini has just finished a magic show and walks backstage, only to be grabbed roughly, knocked out, and tied up.

When he wakes up, he's in an abandoned warehouse, and a man in a ski mask is standing over him, a sheep by his side. The sheep is using its teeth to tie him up with a very strong rope, which confuses him. Houdini smiles, remembering that he can get out of any knot known to man. He tries to untie the...

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So it was regular day at the sperm bank...

... when this guy wearing a ski mask barges in with a gun and screams:

"EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND NOW!"

The people do as he says and then the guy turns to the receptionist and points the gun at her. She tries to negotiate with him.

"Please just take the money and leave! You don't ...

Sperm Bank...

At a sperm bank one day, a man walks up with a ski mask and a gun. He points the gun at the lady at the desk. "Sir.. this is a sperm bank.." says the lady. "I know. Get out three bottles of sperm" he commanded. So she obeys and takes out three bottles of frozen sperm. "Drink it." says the man.
...

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Two dyslexics decide to rob a bank

They drew up the plans and had everything in order. The day came and they drove to the bank, pulled up in front and put their ski masks on. They got out, burst through the front doors and screamed, "Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"

A cop was interviewing a witness to a bank robbery...

Cop: Did you see the robbers?

Witness: Sort of. There were three guys wearing ski masks and an elephant.

Cop: An elephant?!

Witness: Yeah, an elephant.

Cop: Was it an African or Indian elephant?

Witness: I didn't ask where it was from.

Cop: No, Afric...

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The blonde and brunette bank robbers

A blonde and brunette are parked outside a bank with ski masks on.

"Remember the plan. You ready?" the brunette asks.

"Ready as I'll ever be," the blonde eagerly replies.

The blonde rushes into the bank while the brunette keeps the car running. 5 minutes pass, then 10, then 20...

Three bullets [long]

A pregnant woman was standing in line at the bank one day, when suddenly, a man in a ski mask stormed in and started shooting up the place.

She was shot in the stomach three times, but was rushed to hospital in time and the doctors were able to save her and her three babies. She had them ...

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A man confesses his sins to a priest...

He says “Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I was skiing down the slopes on my recent trip to Austria.

Upon my return to the top of the slope I noticed my boss from work. I was wearing my ski mask and a balaclava so he would not have recognised me.

As he was leaning down to fix hi...

I hate going into jewellery stores with my girlfriend , all the staff always assume we're there for the engagement rings.

Mind you, the ski masks probably don't help.

Ted

A well known guy around town named Ted just left the bank in a hurry, sprinting toward a bus stop. The bus arrives, the driver sees the man running and leaves in a panic just before Ted makes it. He was surprised, EVERYONE knew Ted. "Why didn't the driver stop?" He wondered. Then it hit him, Te...

Sean Bean is walking down the street

Heard you guys like long OC.

 

Sean Bean is walking down the street, enjoying his Sunday night. Suddenly, a black paneled van pulls up next to him. Four massive dudes in ski masks wearing all black leap out and try to grab him. Sean remembers his GoT training and manages to ta...

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A woman is working at a sperm bank...

A woman is working behind the counter of a sperm bank. Suddenly a man wearing a ski mask and holding a gun comes running in.
He yells at her,

"Alright, no sudden movements and you don't get hurt. Now, grab one of those bottles of cum behind you."

Confused, the woman turns around an...

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A man is down on his luck and decides to rob a bank

Having never done this before, he looks up how to go about it.

The internet lets him know he'll need a mask, a gun, and a note letting the teller know the situation.

He goes out and picks up a black ski mask, a pistol, and a piece of paper and a pen to write his note on.

When he...

And now for something completely different

A young female nurse is working the front desk at a sperm bank. A man wearing a ski mask barges in through the front door and holds a gun to her head. He tells her "Open the vault!"

"But sir, this is a sperm bank..."

"Just do it!" The woman complies and opens the vault containing hundr...

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Bank Robber

A man walks into a bank with a ski mask and a handgun, and proceeds to make his way to the woman at the counter.

"Do what I say and nobody gets hurt" he says as he waves the gun in the woman's face

"Sir this is a sperm bank I think you must be mistaken" says the woman.

The ...

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Dentist gets a visit by his patient

*Patient walks into the room and approaches dentist*

Dentist: “looks like I need you to...”
Patient: “I know, I need to floss more right?”
Dentist: “No I need you to get the fuck out of my house, it’s 2:30 am”
*patient mumbles through ski mask* “but doc, it tooth fucking hurty am”

Blonde got tired of hearing "dumb blonde" jokes.

A blonde woman decided that she was sick and tired of white men assuming she was stupid and easy because of her hair. She decided to buy a Muslim head covering and convert instead. After some diligent Googling, she set out to the mall to buy a Niqaab.
The next day she decided to sport it at the l...

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2 men walk into a corner shop,

one of them dressed like a clown the other in a plain ski mask. They go to the counter and say

"Empty the till, no one needs to get hurt!"

The clerk complies with all comands given to him. Just as they're about to leave the clown drops his trousers and takes a shit on the middle of the...

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