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Balaclava Jokes

My first joke on reddit. Hope it hasn't been told too often

A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret, but didn't wear a balaclava. he told all in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.
one foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the robber promtply shot him.
the robber asked if anyone else had seen his face.
one customer, gazing ...

My girlfriend and I like to wear balaclavas when kissing

so we can make out like bandits

A man robs a bank wearing a balaclava.

'Did you see my face?' he asks the teller.

'Just a little bit.'

Bang. He shoots her.

'Did you see my face' he asks another teller.

'Only briefly' he says.

Bang. He shoots him.

He turns to a man standing beside him.

'Did you see my face?' he says 'No. ...

What do you call a Russian wearing a head scarf, a balaclava and a helmet?

Anything you want. He can't hear a thing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in a balaclava walked up to my till and put a gun to my head.

"Don't try anything smart!" he ordered.

"OK." I replied.

"Open your till and give me the money!" he yelled.

I said, "I don't know how to open it."

He said, "Don't be fucking stupid!"

I said, "Jesus...make your mind up."

I went to the bank with my wife when an armed robber walked in, pulled on a balaclava and pulled out a gun.

He went up to a customer and asked "did you see my face?" The customer said "yes", so the robber shot him.

He asked another customer "did you see my face?" The customer said "yes" so the robber shot him.

He asked me "did you see my face?"

"No, but the wife did"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man holds up a bank

A man walks into a sperm bank with a balaclava and a sawn off shotgun. He walks up to the receptionist, points the shotgun at her and says "I want all of the days takings, right now!!"

She replies "Sir, you're holding up the wrong kind of bank. All we have here is sperm."

He waves the ...

What did the monster say when he saw a full train during rush hour?

"Oh good! A chew, chew train!"

Credit to the attendant at Balaclava Train Station in Melbourne.

"Have a train-tastic Thursday night!"

A visit to the Doctors

We both put on our combat boots, camouflage jackets, balaclavas and masks, strode up to the counter and loudly proclaimed "Nobody move! We have an appointment".

I lost a really valuable item after a break-in the other night.

My balaclava was blown off in the wind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always make women scream during sex.

Maybe I should take off my lucky balaclava occasionally.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

swallowing

A man wearing a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun.

"Open the fucking safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.

"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".

"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your fu...

A masked thief bursts into a bank...

As he climbs over the counter his balaclava catches and comes off for a second, before he quickly puts it back on.

The thief says to the cashier "did you see my face?", the cashier says "yes, I did!". Then the thief shoots her dead.

The thief then goes up to a customer and says "did yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man confesses his sins to a priest...

He says “Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I was skiing down the slopes on my recent trip to Austria.

Upon my return to the top of the slope I noticed my boss from work. I was wearing my ski mask and a balaclava so he would not have recognised me.

As he was leaning down to fix hi...

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