Four people were riding in a compartment on a train in Crimea..
... an old old lady, a beautiful young woman, a Ukrainian man, and a Russian soldier. The train enters a tunnel and it's suddenly pitch dark. Nobody can see a thing. There is a sound of a kiss, a sound of a slap, and when the train exits the tunnel, the Russian soldier is nursing a painful red slap ...
Putin dies and goes to hell. After a while, he's given a day off for good behavior.
So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:
\-Is Crimea ours?
\-Yes, it is.
\-And the Donbas?
\-We got that too.
Satisfied, he drinks and asks:
\-Thanks. How much do I owe you?
What did Zelensky reply to Putin when he called him to complain about the exploded bridge?
Vladimir Putin suffers a heart attack amidst the Ukraine crisis, and falls into a coma...
... A few years later, he wakes up, gets back on his feet and walks out of his room, right past the sleeping guard.
He walks out of the hospital onto the streets of Moscow, and finds that most people don't recognize him. Several years of vegetative coma seem to have taken its toll on his appe...
Justin Timberlake has volunteered to fight along side Ukrainian Forces
His first task… Crimea River
Justin Timberlake announces that he will be joining the war in Ukrain.
Early reports suggest that he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea River
A General was dispatched to the Kremlin I order to give Putin an update on the situation in Ukraine.
When he got there, he was met at the door by a Marshall, who pulled him aside and whispered “The President is a very busy man, and he only has the time for a single word from you, so think it over, and choose your word wisely!”
So the general mulled it over, as he nervously awaited his call. ...
jokes about the war in Ukraine I heard in Romania
Putin dies and goes to hell, but a few years later he gets permission to leave hell and to visit Moscow for a day -
Goes to a pub in Moscow, orders a few drinks and asks the bartender:
Crimea is still ours ? - Yes, bartender says
Donbas is still ours ? - Yes, ours
What's Putins favourite song?
What are some pros for Ukraine after loosing Crimea to Russia?
Theres no Crimea in Ukraine
Vladimir Putin, to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people. At the end of the talk there is a section for questions. Little Sasha puts her h...
Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin are riding in a car in Crimea when suddenly they see a big bull blocking the road.
Roosevelt gets out of the car and asked the bull to move, but the bull doesn't move. Churchill began to plead with the bull to move over, but the bull pays zero attention. Finally, Stalin walks over to the bull and whispers something in its ear, after which the bull sprints off into the distance. In...
What's the most sarcastic body of water on earth?
The Crimea River.
Joe Biden called a press conference, to discuss his meeting with Vladimir Putin…
“The good news, is that Mr Putin told me that he wants peace.”
After everyone cheered and clapped in relief, he added the bad news…
“A piece of Crimea, a piece of Ukraine, a piece of Finland…”
Putins complaining about all the Land he has to try hard to annex
Oh Crimea river
What flows through Ukraine and doesn't care about your feelings?
Vladimir Putin visits a primary school one day
And he gives a lecture about how great the government is, and how Russia is the best country in the world. At the end of the lecture he invites people to ask questions and one kid stands up and says “Hello my name is Sasha and I have two questions” Putin: “go ahead” Sasha: “Why did Russi...
How Many Russians Does It Take To Invade Crimea?
None according to the Russians.
Justin Timberlake is bad at geography
He sings this song, "Crimea River", but I checked, and Crimea is a peninsula, not a river.
Putin gets interviewed about the sinking of the Moskva
Vladimir Putin:] It’s a great pleasure, thank you.
[Interviewer:] This ship that was involved in the incident off Crimea this week…
[Vladimir Putin:] Yeah, the one the magazine detonated?
[Vladimir Putin:] That’s not very typical, I’d like to make that...
Everyone wants me to care about Russia and Ukraine right now. Boo-Hoo!
Have you heard Justin Timberlake's hit song about his favorite Ukrainian body of water?
The Crimea River
Where do unsympathetic Ukrainians come from?
The Crimea River
Biden to Putin: Stop planning the invasion of Ukraine.
Putin: Crimea River.
Trump calls Putin on the phone
Trump says, "You need to stop annexing territory in Ukraine"
Putin responds, "Crimea river"
Trump is reportedly upset that the Ukraine just elected a comedian as president.
Oh, Crimea river!
What did Putin say to NATO in response to being criticized for annexing parts of Ukraine?
'Oh, Crimea river.'
A Russian walks into a bar in Lviv.
“Can I have a beer?” he asks the bartender. “Sure. It's 100 Hryvni,” replies the barkeep. “But it was usually 50...” “Yes, but now it's 50 for the beer and 50 for the occupation of Crimea & the Donbas.”
The Russian frowns, but gives the bartender 100 Hryvni. The waiter takes it, ...
Russia: Hey Ukraine, wanna hear a joke?
Ukraine: I don't get it.
Russia: You will never get it.
In the early 2000s Justin Timberlake did a tour in Eastern Europe and had a stop in southern Ukraine.
After playing a show in Sevastopol he had some down time so he travelled the countryside, and was amazed by the stunning beauty of the peninsula's nature and wildlife. He backpacked through ...
Bought a Russian car...
The salesman said it was the krem de la kremlin, but every time it's putin gear, it keeps stalin. My wife said, "Crimea river, I'm not lenin you my car!"
What is Putins favorite song to play for Ukraine?
In 2002 Justin Timberlake made a hit song about Eastern European waterways.
It specifically talks about a river in Crimea.
(edit: I originally got my Justins mixed up, thanks for the comments :) )
What did Putin tell the Ukranian government when he invaded western Ukraine?
What's Justin Timberlakes favorite part of Eastern Europe?
The Crimea River.
So apparently Justin Timberlake is going to write a song for all the people that have been devastated by the crisis in Ukraine.
It's going to be called 'Crimea River'.
Someone has been asked
"have you ever been to Crimea?"
"Yes, but I was really small"
"How small were you?"
"So small that I went there in my Dad and got home in my Mom"
A man walks into a bar in Russia.
A man walks into a bar in Russia. "Can I have one beer?" - he asks the barman. "That will be two hundred rubles," - says the barman. ""What? It was one hundred yesterday!" - says the man. "Well, you see, it is one hundred for a beer and now you have to add a hundred for Crimea,"-...
Vladimir Putin shows up in one of the Moscow's primary schools
After the welcoming ceremony there is some time for the students to ask the President a few questions
Little Sasha stands up and says:
I only have 2 questions:
1. Why did Russia take over the Crimea?
2. What are Russian soldiers doing in Ukraine?
Before Putin was a...
What did Stalin say to all the thousands of people he killed?
What did Putin say to a starving Ukranian family after they asked for mercy?
Oh Crimea a river vould ya!
Top UN officials asked Vladimir Putin to stop annexing countries
He responded: Oh go Crimea river
Where do the Russian separatists go to complain about their lives?