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Searched Jokes

A policeman searched me last night...

A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs.

"It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again."

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed.
I said, "...

I searched google for "how to start a large fire"

52,000 matches

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of weed.

"What have we here?"
"It's not mine officer."
He scoffs.
"I'm serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket."
"Bullshit."
"Try me!"
He frowns, but follows me...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I searched the internet for a Rorschach test

but all I found were a bunch of drawings of my room mates having sex

I searched “dementia symptoms” on Google…

All of the links were purple.

What's the most searched word on Bing?

Google

I searched on eBay for something to light my candles with...

It said, "No matches found"

I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.

USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.

This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.


<...

I was fired from my last job because they searched my desk and found coke

But who wants to work at Pepsi Co anyways

I have searched the world over for a chef who can make eggs Benedict like mama used to.

But there's no place like home for the hollandaise.

What is the most commonly searched term on Internet Explorer?

Google Chrome.

I've searched high and low for my brother's killer

but nobody is willing to do it.

Rudy Giuliani house was searched

So federal investigators searched Giuliano's house today. I thought they would find hair dye, but they didn't. I guess it ran.

A blonde was speeding when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car

The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"

Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got ...

I searched Google images for examples of Rorschach tests...

But all I found were pictures of my dad hitting me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A brave and fearsome pirate sailed toward a small island, in search for buried treasure. He and his crew raced ahead in their rowboat, eagerly awaiting a massive payday. When they shortly came upon a large forest, they searched desperately for the last clue on the map.

As the first mate guided them carefully up to a clearing, he stopped suddenly and pointed at a crouched figure straight ahead.

The captain gasped.

"...Carol??"

"Hey, loser," she droned, relieving herself between two pines. "I see you're still looking for buried treasure like a c...

I searched for "teen amateur takes on BBC"

It was pretty good, both reporters stuck to the facts.


*Ziiip*

Who runs Mexican Amazon?

Jeff Pesos

It's a silly joke but I thought of it on my own today! I found a 200 peso bill on the ground today and I was saying pesos in different accents out loud with a coworker when the joke popped into my head. I don't think I've heard it anywhere before. After I got home and searched it h...

I looked at my friends browser history and saw that he searched 'How to kill myself'

I still don't know what drove him to the Edge

I searched in Google "How do I know if my wife is a witch".

You could've just asked me! - she yelled from the kitchen.

I searched a list of 10 puns to make me laugh.

No pun in ten did

I went to an adult website and searched for good Christian content.

Turns out it was all missionaries.

Searched for 'worlds best joke' and got this...

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold yo...

I just searched google for 'Lost Medieval Servant Boy'

"Page Not Found"

I searched up "rock music" on the interwebs the other day and got nothing.

I suppose it's because rocks don't usually sing.

I searched dirty jokes in google to repost on r/jokes

My face popped up as the first result.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celibacy (searched but didn't find...)

What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He the...

I'm so fat, that when I went through airport security they didn't strip search me...

They burlesque searched me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't believe the term "Overwatch" was searched more than "anal" last year on PornHub...

What is this world cumming to?

A guy rides his motorcycle through the border from Spain to France every week carrying two bags of sand.

The border guard searched the bags every time, but never found anything, so he had to let him through. The guard has his last day at work before retiring and the guy comes to the border again, carrying his two bags of sand. The guard says "look, man, it's my last day, I'm not going to bust you. You...

I searched Google for "How to cheat on my girlfriend."

The first result was "I hope you used the left hand to type that."

The most searched phrase on Google from the Minneapolis area right now is “How to make your own weapons”

Guess the cops have run out of ammo

Ebay needs to step their game up.

I searched for a cigarette lighter and 15,000 matches came up.

How Rednecks Get Things Done

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana
inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but
he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for ...

I've just searched for half an hour to see if the joke I was going to post was a repost

It wasn't, so I'm going to have to think of another one.

Searched for a PI service in my area...

Got a delicious apple in the correct geometric shape, but didn't really help me figure out who my wife was cheating on me with...

I saw a reddit account with >20m Karma, and searched for who the owner was. It belongs to a politician.

>!Rep. Oster!<

On my first day working for TSA we searched a neat, sandwich shaped suitcase.

It was jam packed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word “tragedy”. So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a “tragedy”.

One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs ove...

A man went to the doctor...

He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I searched up why incest porn has become so popular this year.

Apparently Alabama just recently got internet connection.

A man went searching for the perfect joke...

He went to the best comedy clubs in his city and listened for days. He heard some great things, but nothing he could call perfect.

&nbsp;

He journeyed to Hollywood, and tracked down the best comedic actors and screenwriters. Each one, eager for the honor of creating the perfect jok...

The underwear making company, *Jockey* was having a tough time with stock theft.On departure for home, all workers' bags were searched and everything always seemed OK. All security measures you can think of were put in place...

Auditors were called in but still no one was caught and stock continued to disappear.

All workers, including management were checked on departure and no one was caught with more than one pair.

Then....
One day, the Auditor advised security to *check all workers on their arrival..*...

I went through airport security and the alarm went off

The TSA agent asked if I had any metal on me.

I said hell yeah I do, pulled out a Metallica CD and slammed it on the table.

I was detained and strip searched but it was worth it.

For years I was searching for...

For years I was searching for the music of a korean show called 'Rep'. I searched all my life for that music. A good part of my life was attached to thaf show. But I cant find it. I lost all my hopes in it.

Now when I am near my death bed, some months ago I get used to reddit. What a womderfu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I searched google for photos of Kim Kardashians asshole, but I think their servers are messed up.

All I get is photos of Kanye West

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man haunted by his sins went to the church for a confession with the priest...

There's a devout Catholic man who once committed a regrettable act – he gave his best friend a blowjob while intoxicated. Filled with remorse, he decided to seek forgiveness from God and headed to the church.

Inside the church, he approached the priest and says he wants to confessed his sin, ...

I made a terrible mistake when I searched for Gary Oldman on Google.

I forgot the R

Since I like helping the environment and recycling/reusing things I searched for a place with like-minded people.

After a few days I finally found where they reuse and recycle almost everything: r/Jokes

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