My friend is an honourable, courteous and chivalrous guy. But he hates the stock market. When I asked him why, he said:

Gentlemen prefer bonds.

A girl enters a superstore and asked a salesgirl “Hi, do you sell XL condoms?”

A girl enters a superstore and asked the salesgirl “Hi, do you sell XL condoms?”

Salesgirl replied “Yes of course, it’s in family planning on aisle 5”

Thanking her, the girl rushed towards the aisle.

20 mins later:

Salesgirl finds the same girl again in aisle 5. Curious, ...

What do you call a courteous spy?

A gent

The preacher asked the small boy to show him the way to the post office and the boy courteously obliged

"Thank you", the preacher said. "You are a bright and polite young man. How would you like to listen to my sermon this evening so that I may show you the way to Heaven?"

"You're going to show me the way to Heaven?" the boy said in astonishment."But you don't even know the way to the post offi...

Q: Which is the most courteous State in the US?

A: Conetiquette

A courteous pick-up line

Guy's in a bar waiting to pick-up an evening's entertainment when this reasonably hot lady sits on the stool next to him.

He doesn't say anything to her, and after about 20 minutes, she says to him ... "OK - I've got to ask you a question".

He says, "Sure - what?"

She says: "Dur...

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Penis is a true Friend indeed.

A true friend is like a penis, he stands up for you in times of need. A genuine friend is like a bra, she supports you at all times.

A faithful friend is like a condom , he protects you from all harm.

A loving friend is like a vagina, she accommodates you fully despite the size of yo...

R/jokes

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

"Certainly madam," he replied courteously.

"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.

"Sorry, no,"...

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, th...

A farmer was working out in the field with his three daughters one day when he saw a car approach

A strapping young man stepped out of the car and approached the farmer confidently.

'Hello sir. My name's Dean, and I'm here to take Jean to the dairy Queen'

The farmer respects the lads courteous approach and says, 'Alright Jean off you go, you kids enjoy yourselves'. Not five minutes...

After a long engagement,

Peter and his wife, Mary had taken the step of matrimony.

One day, Peter and Mary sat down to discuss what traits they wanted their baby to have. After a long discussion, the couple decided that to be successful in life, their baby must be courteous to others and be the most polite person in...

The Whistler

A Professor started his class on a very serious Topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the Whistler's name. No one answered.

The Professor peacefully kept the Pen in his pocket saying: "Lecture ends here. I'll...

William Shakespeare is Meeting Felipe III, the Spanish king at the time...

And after a great first meeting, he finds themselves becoming fast friends. However, he is unsure how now to address his new friend. By his first name? By his title? With deference or informally?
He struggles and struggles.
Finally, after a long sleepless night, he begins to think a quick and ...

Did you see that guy on the freeway cutting off everyone but big rigs?

He was semi courteous.

A manager hired a new secretary and she was young, sweet and polite…

One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.

While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?”

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.

He dec...

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This was the first long joke I ever learned. Interview with a pirate.

There was a pirate who had agreed to do an interview with a local tv station. The reporter was very courteous and professional, giving a bit of background as to the pirate's business. She then began interviewing him.

"So Mr. Longbeard, are there any risks to your business? I see you have a pe...

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Hitler gets out of his morning shower and decides to check on his camps.

He dries his little handlebar and heads straight to Auschwitz to check on the Jews that he has gathered for safe keeping. Upon entering, he notices that none of his precious Jews are anywhere to be found. Hitler decides that they are probably finishing up in their morning shower as well, and goes to...

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Young King Arthur was ambushed

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom.
The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the ans...

New bull on the farm

One day the farmer decided that Clarence his bull is starting to get a bit old, so he decided to go to the market and buy a new one.

The next day the new bull Johnny came strutting off the ramp into the farm. Clarence takes one look at him and decides that he better start off on the right foo...

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Kids these days...

A bunch of kids are playing football when someone kicks the ball over the fence through the window of the neighbour's house (breaking it in the process). No one wants to go and get the ball back since the owner is very strict, so they pick the kid who has the best manners to go and apologise.
...

A church puts up an ad for a new bell ringer.

A church puts up an ad for a new bell ringer. Lo and behold, who should come to the door but a well-meaning townsman. He looks responsible and courteous, but there's one problem - he doesn't have arms. The priest says, "My son, it's great that you want to be a bell ringer, but you don't have any arm...

A young man and woman have only been married for two days.

A young man and woman have only been married for two days. One night just as
they are getting ready to go to bed they hear a noise in the backyard kind
of like a vacuum cleaner in reverse. They put on their robes and run outside.
There hovering over the lawn is a flying saucer. It lands an...

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A reverend's wife walks into a butcher shop.

She knows that her husband will be entertaining some pretty important members of their congregation for dinner, and she wants only the finest food. She asks the butcher what he would personally recommend, to which he replies "Well ma'am, I would have some Dam Ham." The reverend's wife, a simple lady...

An elderly lady's husband just passed away and to get things ready she went to the place that sells and engraves tombstones...

When she got there, she ordered the most expensive tombstone she could afford. They were married 65 years after all and; had 6 children, made lots of money, traveled many places, made lots of memories, and loved each other very much of course.

When paying for the tombstone, they asked what sh...

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