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Repeatedly Jokes

My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me “Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland?” and it’s getting really annoying

My Friend asked me “Are you mad at her?”

I replied “Don’t you start too”

Johnny repeatedly said he was gonna win the defamation case

Which proves that Amber Heard, but didn’t listen

I once heard my car honking repeatedly and went outside to see my Pitbull in the front seat humping the steering wheel

Always knew he was a horn dog

A drummer got sentenced to prison for repeatedly beating up people.

He got his repercussions.

The son of a jewish man got repeatedly kicked out of every school for bad behavior

the kid was a delinquent and was eventually kicked out of every school he was sent to. not having any more options the jewish father sent his son the only school left in the area: a christian school run at a church. In the christian school the son got perfect grades and the teachers described him as...

Aristotle said we are what we repeatedly do.

Therefore, I am your mother.

I must confess, I have repeatedly kicked a helpless, pregnant woman.

But to be fair, I was a fetus, what was I supposed to do?

I received a wedding invitation.

It read, "Your presence itself is a present. We don't want any presents at the wedding."

After re-reading it repeatedly, I concluded that I was not invited. So I decided not to attend.

A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theatre. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man.

“Sir, you're only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?"

The man groans, but stays where he is. The usher becoming impatient with the man says "Sir, if you don't get up, I will need to get my manager involved"

Again the man just groans, which infuriates the usher as he marches off t...

My friend was repeatedly accused of fingering girls while they were on thier period.He denied it.

Eventually they caught him red handed.


(Sorry for my english).

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A first-year college student found himself repeatedly impressed by the wit and wisdom of the philosophy majors he'd met...

A first-year college student found himself repeatedly impressed by the wit and wisdom of the philosophy majors he'd met. One day he plucked up the nerve to ask one of them, "So how come all you philosophy majors are so smart?" 

"Oh, that's no mystery," the philosophy major answered. "We've al...

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A Spartan, a Samurai and a Viking are summoned to Outworld for Mortal Kombat.

Their first opponent is the dread-sorcerer Shang Tsung.
  

The Spartan goes first, and quickly overpowers Shang Tsung, but is unsure of what to do next. Shang Tsung then speaks a word of power and the Spartan trips over his own cape and impales himself headfirst upon his own spear. Sha...

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A hippie sits down at a bar...

So a hippie sits down at a bar and tries to order a beer on a tab, but the bartender wants money up front which the hippie doesn't have. So the guy next to him offers to buy him a beer. They start talking and drinking and drinking and talking. After a while the guy says to the hippie, "come with me ...

I spent the last hour repeatedly pressing F5

It's pretty refreshing.

I like to press the F5 key repeatedly...

I just find it very....refreshing.

OK I'll show myself out

I'm going to bang my head into the wall repeatedly. Is that okay?

Sure, kid. Knock yourself out.

What do you call a head of lettuce when you stab it repeatedly?

A Caesar salad

What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?

Gu-whack-a-mole-e.

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A woman was sick and tired of hearing her husband fart all night long and repeatedly told him that he'd shit his guts out one day.

He kept doing it, so she bought an entire sack of pigs intestines from the butcher and put them in the man's underwear when he was asleep. When she awoke the next morning, he said, "You were right honey, I DID shit my guts out! But with the grace of God and these two fingers, I was able to push th...

Everyone keeps getting annoyed and repeatedly asking me what my dog's name is.

Why won't they understand that that's my pet peeve?

Is it okay to repeatedly tap the gas pedal instead of hold it down?

I ask because I didn't want to leave it depressed.

After repeatedly denying it, I eventually accepted that I have a fetish for using fancy words and phrases to describe things.

I've finally come to terms with it.

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After ten long years, a widow finds herself in bed with a new man

After ten long years, a widow finds herself in bed with a new man. He kisses her.

"Only Reggie used to kiss me," she mumbles.

He grabs her breast.

"Only Reggie used to fondle me," she stammers.

He inserts himself inside her.

"Only Reggie used to penetrate me," she ...

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician have been imprisoned.

At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven't been fed in a while. He accompanies an officer to check up on them. The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer. To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it.

"How is that ...

After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, “Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?”

“Therefore, I’m your mother.”

I repeatedly slapped my girlfriend as hard as I could at the concert last night.

I was clapping for the band.

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Batman and Robin go out for a few drinks

Both superheroes are exhausted after a long week of non-stop crime fighting, and decide to chill for a few a hours at the local watering hole.

Robin knows his friend has been working way too hard and for long hours. So he thinks, what the heck, he can get drunk and relax. He decides to remain...

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A man was arrested for climbing up and headbutting Big Ben repeatedly...

Police can not identify the suspect but say his face rings a bell.

My elderly grandfather came over and complained of diarrhea. He repeatedly told everyone "Shh".

It took us a while to realize he'd lost "it".

The man from the bank would repeatedly come into my home when I was baking.

He'd mix my cake batter with a spatula, tell the same old joke, then walk out with a bunch of my stuff. Again and again.

A typical repo stir.

(True story) So my mother misplaced her prized red mixing bowl for cooking Christmas dinner with (despite having several other mixing bowls to utilize instead). She became increasingly panicked when she couldn't locate it, asking out loud repeatedly: "Where's my red bowl??"

So I responded: "Why do you need that particular one? Does it give you wings??"

My little sister hated that our mother was addicted to cigarettes so she took a fork and stabbed the packet repeatedly.

Mom was not pleased. Holy smokes!

^(Based on a true story)

In today’s European Championship soccer match, several players from the Czech Republic were seen slipping on the grass repeatedly in their loss to Denmark, while their Danish opponents didn’t seem to have an issue at all.

Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.

A cop is waiting outside the bar at closing time

He knows its easy pickings for DUI's as the bar closes. Sure enough, right at 2am, a man stumbles out to his car. The cop watches as he fumbles to get his keys out, struggles to unlock and open the door, and drops the keys repeatedly before finally getting them in the ignition and starting the car...

A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf.…"

"If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd be a little duckling."

The bus annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy saying, "What if your m...

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