Car insurance renewal

I renewed my car insurance on the phone yesterday.

I was just about to hang up when the lady on the phone asked- "Do you have any pets?"

I replied " Yes I have a dog"

She said "Would you like to insure him to?"

I replied "Not really, he cant drive "

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each...

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of ...

A young blonde fears that her boyfriend is seeing another girl... One day, the girl is visiting her boyfriend's apartment for lunch and stumbles across another woman's discarded garments on his bedroom floor.

After sitting coolly through the meal, avoiding eye contact, she quietly excuses herself without explanation. She is incredibly hurt, and on her way home finds herself in a local gun shop, purchasing a handgun. The next day she awakens with renewed vengeance for her lover's betrayal. She dresses and...

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A man goes to get his passport renewed...

He goes to the counter and is jotting down his personal information.

"Alright sir, can I have your full name please?"

"Pepepeter Bbbbbbbbryant"

"Excuse me, sir, are you a stutterer? "

"No, ma'am, my father was a stutterer, and the guy who made my birth certificate, an as...

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I participated in a joke writing competition on this sub three years ago.

The mods laid out 4 simple rules quite clearly:

1. For the following two days, all posts on this sub would be considered as entries for the competition.

2. The post with the most upvotes would be declared as the winner, i.e., the best joke. The number of upvotes until the end o...

You know what was the biggest waste of money in 2020?

I renewed my passport

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A retired Marine walks into a bar...

with a noticeable limp from combat injuries. He hobbles up to the bar and asks for a whiskey. He sees a familiar face at the end of the bar and asks the bartender, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nods, so the Marine buys Jesus a whiskey.

A frail, hunchback woman comes in the bar,...

Two Chicagoans die in an unfortunate car wreck.

Two Chicagoans die in an unfortunate car wreck.

Tragic, especially considering they didn’t exactly spend their days helping old ladies cross the street or volunteering at the Boys and Girls club. Nope, these fellows went straight to Hades.

The Devil, as is his custom, goes to greet hi...

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure sme...

The Meaning of Life

A Redditor walks into a bar and asks the bartender

“Bartender, get me something new and fresh from r/jokes.” He chirped

“Sorry mate, all we have are reposts from the last 8 years”

“How can this be!” The Redditor exclaimed “If I can’t get my fix from r/jokes, then what is the poi...

Fred's honeymoon

Frederico's Honeymoon - Fred for the intimate!

At the age of 82, Frederico married Ana, 27, who, in consideration of her elderly husband, decides that they should sleep in separate rooms.

After the wedding party is over, everyone goes to their room.

Ana prepares to go to bed, wh...

A cowboy's horse died on his way to town...

As he was walking down the dusty trail, he happened across a ranch. With a renewed sense of hope, he asked the stable keeper if he had any horses for sale.

"Sorry, I've fallen on hard times myself. I had to sell all of my horses!"

The cowboy noticed a rather strange-looking steed stand...

A guide to effective academic communication

Academic phrases and their translations

==================================

* It has long been known = I haven't bothered to look up the reference


* It is believed = I think


* It is generally believed = A couple of other guys think so too


* It is n...

An elderly couple. A long one but good

An elderly couple is worried that they are starting to fprget simple things, so they go to a doctor for a check up.

The doctor looks them over top to bottom but doesn't find anything.
"It seems you two are perfectly fine so all that I can suggest is anytime you want to remember somethin...

Faith is everything

A man is about to jump from a plane. Right before he jumps, he looks down and freezes in place.

"Don't worry," says the pilot, "If something goes wrong - start chanting 'Oh great Buddha, please save me'".

Skeptical but with renewed confidence, the man jumps. At the right height, he t...

A severely depressed man decides to end it all...

so he finds the tallest building in the area and climbs to the roof. While he was standing precariously on the ledge and thinking about all the reasons why he was ready to die, he happens to look down at the street below. There are few people on the street but one man on the corner stands out, even ...

The Carpenter

There once was a man named Poly Van Echt. he worked as a carpenter in the Middle Ages. He spent years honing his craft, working under many master builders until he one day rose to prominence and became the official carpenter to the kingdom. The king came to him during a particularly rainy season, a...

A man was walking home

A man was walking home one night when suddenly his foot gets stuck in a train track. He tries to wriggle it off but he can’t quite manage it. After several minutes trying to get his foot loose, he hears a train coming. In panic, he tries desperately to get off the track but all his efforts are in va...

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The generals' stroll

Two generals are walking through a military base when they notice a pile of dog shit in front of them. They stop, examining it ponderously and begin to debate. The debate stretches on and on until the taller and thinner of the two calls out to a nearby soldier:

"I say, private! Tell us what t...

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Septic Tanks

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a homeless man, with no family or friends, who had died while traveling through the area. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest th...

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The priest and the horse.

In a small village there lived a poor farmer whose work horse had just died. Without a means of pulling wagons and plows and no money to buy a new horse, the farmer just sat down by the side of the road, crying and wondering how he would feed his family now.

Then along came a priest and wonde...

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