UPJOKE
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I was shocked to learn what BBC stands for.

It was just a lot to take in.

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A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out...

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that t...

A horse plays cricket

I heard this a while ago on BBC America, so it's paraphrased a bit:

----

A horse is in his field, watching a cricket match over the fence.

He calls out to the captain, and asks if he could play as well. The skipper says, "Why not? Might be fun," and gives the horse a bat as it w...

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What does porn and great Britan have in common?

BBC

It turns out, 'Fox News' has no actual coverage of foxes.

I was also disappointed by BBC news.

BBC study finds Covid common in pet cats and dogs, but not ants.

Because ants have antibodies.

Ill see myself out.

My wife says she wanted a BBC for our anniversary....

But she looked so disappointed when I handed her a Big Box of Cookies

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BBC News: “The Pope calls for ‘action’ on sexual abuse.”

Right after calling “Lights, camera...”

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The BBC does a special on the oldest man in Scotland

They arrived for the special and decided to start it off with an interview where they asked him: “What was the best day of your life, Mr MacDonald?”
“I was just a wee lad and it was the day village fair, when me ma realised that our sheep had gone missing on the mountains. The whole village sear...

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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

I was reading on the BBC about a plan to reintroduce beavers to London.

I'm all for it....I do prefer a bit of grass on the pitch personally.

I searched for "teen amateur takes on BBC"

It was pretty good, both reporters stuck to the facts.


*Ziiip*

I just found out about the second meaning of BBC....

Who cares about British television?

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(Nsfw)Went to pornhub the other day there was a lot of videos titled "bbc destroys teen"...

I don't know why the British Broadcasting Corporation is destroying the lives of teens..but I for one think it shows lack of journalistic integrity.

Apparently the BBC can pay me less than minimum wage

But they said the camera adds ten pounds

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My recent letter from the BBC read...

"Thanks for entering your wife into our new quiz show.

However, we feel you may have misread the title?

The show is actually called "Fact Hunt"




Credit @ShitJokes via Twitter.

Billionaire space tourists are like buses …

You wait ages for one to arrive and then two come along at the same time

(Credit : BBC presenter Bill)

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BBC NEWS: Russia to unplug from the internet.

In other news, 75% of the world's online porn has disappeared

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BBC announcement

From the BBC - Read by John Cleese.

ANNOUNCEMENT

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bi...

A joke by Max Millar that got him banned from the BBC for 5 years in 1944

"I met a beautiful woman on a mountain trail. I didn't know whether to block her passage or toss myself off."


Reference: QI, S18E01

Talk about coincidence

BBC NEWS: Three Cliff Walkers have fallen to their death on an expedition....
Can't believe they all had the same name.

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BBC

A guy decides to do something nice for his girlfriend before they leave on vacation so he gets her name tattooed on his penis. He comes home and shows it to her. She looks at it and says, "That's great, sweetie, but what is 'Wy'?" He tells her to rub it and as she does she sees it actually reads "We...

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BBC News: "Illegally downloading pirated films is costing hundreds of millions of pounds a year"

Fuck, what site are they downloading them from? It's free for me..

If you want to be the head of the BBC...

... enter my bedroom.

The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply...

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

I love the BBC’s documentaries about time and space!

I really quantum to continuum!

Trump Administration blocked CNN, BBC, New York Times, LA Times from media briefing

Looks like Little Donald needs a safe space...

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English parlimentarians and pornstars are not so different when you think about it

What do pornstars and English parliamentarians have in common?


They both love to wake up to BBC

I heard that BBC is making a prequel to Pride and Prejudice that follows the Bennet girls when they hit puberty

It's a period drama.

My wife's always watching the Kardashians and I'm always watching the news.

I must be rubbing off on her. Based on her internet search history, she's looking at the BBC all the time now

Girl walks into the BBC office for an audition

Has difficulty walking back out. In hindsight she should have looked up the different abbreviations.

Jeremy Clarkson has been suspended. He must have done something that even the BBC find inexcusable

So that rules out child abuse then....

What is Mia Khalifa's favorite tv channel?

BBC News

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BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia...

Hold on, lets rephrase that:

"Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"

Stephen Fry broke a world record when he read the entire Harry Potter series live on BBC Radio 4.

Listeners were disappointed that he didn't read it out loud...

So in a program on the BBC about WWII, the host is interviewing a surviving member of the Dutch Free Air Force.

The geezer says, "So there we were flying in formation over the English channel, when Suddenly these four Fokkers come out of the clouds. So I get behind the first Fokker and shoot him down. Then I do the same with the other three Fokkers."

The host interjects," For clarification, I think my ...

Philip Schofield set to leave ITV..

Rumours say it’s because he now prefers BBC.

The BBC interviews a former pilot of the Dutch Free Air Forces from WWII . . .

. . . So the Dutch guy starts telling a story:

"As we're flying over France, all of a sudden, 6 Fokkers come out of nowhere. I engage on a Fokker, and shoot him down. Then I line up behind another Fokker and shoot him down too. The other guys in my squadron shoot down the other four Fokkers....

After looking over the BBC wage list on thing has become clear...

Women knowing nothing about cars or football is really hurting their income

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BBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision

Fuck, how fast must they have been walking?

What do Coronavirus panic in England and divorce in the United States have in common?

They’re both commonly caused by BBC.

What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'?

One's really heavy, and the other's a little lighter. - [*Masai Graham*](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-34039927)

So Jeremy Clarkson's politically incorrect jokes got him fired from the BBC.

Great to see the institution which gave Jimmy Saville and Rolf Harris jobs for decades is really going after the bad people society.

The English we Speak....

**Helen:** Hello and welcome to The English We Speak from BBC Learning English, I'm Helen. With me today is quite a frustrated-looking Neil. Neil, what are you doing to that mobile phone?


**Neil:** Argh, I can't get it to make a phone call. It does everything else: it takes photos, it c...

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A WWII joke

A retired British World War II pilot is in an interview on the BBC reminiscing about his days in the air force:
"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was escorting some bombers and suddenly, out of the ...

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Anagram

BBC Breaking News:

The inventor of the anagram has died....

May he "erect a penis"....

If you refuse to pay your TV licence in England, you can be sent to prison…

Where, ironically, you'll get plenty of BBC…

Automation is taking over more industries than you'd realise.

They've already replaced the BBC weatherman with a recording of someone saying 'Rain'.

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Top Gear was twelve years old...

That's one of the oldest things that the BBC staff have fucked.

Pakistan launches a rocket to Moon.

Pakistani News channel reports: "Water and fishes found on Moon."


BBC reports: "Pakistani satellite found in Arab sea."

Meanwhile in the reptile design office in the planet construction halls of Magrethea...

>Credit to John Fennimore of BBC Radio 4

Down the corridor from Slartibartfarst and his fjord design office, in the planet construction halls, another magrethean is called in to see his supervisor.

“You wanted to see me sir”

“Ah, Zebon sit down,” The supervisor said pointing ...

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Whats a porn stars favorite news source?

BBC

What do ghetto rats and suburban soccer moms have in common?

They both enjoy the BBC.

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A news reporter goes to see a Jewish man who has been going to the western wall in Israel to pray once a day for 70 years

the reporter goes up to him and says, "hello I"m a reporter for the BBC and we know you"re quite famous around this wall so we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions." The man agrees and she asks, "so we were wondering; what have you actually been praying for all of these years?"The man ...

Radio One has banned its DJs from playing Madonna songs, saying that at 56 she is old and irrelevant.

Yeah, at the BBC they only like them young.

A horse walks into a Police Station.

Not a joke it actually happened

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-29550834

I would welcome a few jokes based upon this though.

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