Woke up this morning, my BBC app gave me 5 separate push notifications that Trump has covid

I've never seen an app so excited before

I searched for "teen amateur takes on BBC"

It was pretty good, both reporters stuck to the facts.


*Ziiip*

BBC News....

Next weeks Covid Guidance. You can meet with another person from outside your family with an A or an R in their names unless it's a Wednesday. Family members are OK unless it's the third Monday after Pancake Tuesday. People under 5 foot 11 aren't allowed to go to the pub unless they have brown hair....

I was shocked to learn what BBC stands for.

It was just a lot to take in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out...

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that t...

Besides all the different versions of BBC, what do the British people watch on TV?

The English Channel!

A joke by Max Millar that got him banned from the BBC for 5 years in 1944

"I met a beautiful woman on a mountain trail. I didn't know whether to block her passage or toss myself off."


Reference: QI, S18E01

I just found out about the second meaning of BBC....

Who cares about British television?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Nsfw)Went to pornhub the other day there was a lot of videos titled "bbc destroys teen"...

I don't know why the British Broadcasting Corporation is destroying the lives of teens..but I for one think it shows lack of journalistic integrity.

What is Mia Khalifa's favorite tv channel?

BBC News

Apparently the BBC can pay me less than minimum wage

But they said the camera adds ten pounds

My wife's always watching the Kardashians and I'm always watching the news.

I must be rubbing off on her. Based on her internet search history, she's looking at the BBC all the time now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

If you want to be the head of the BBC...

... enter my bedroom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The BBC does a special on the oldest man in Scotland

They arrived for the special and decided to start it off with an interview where they asked him: “What was the best day of your life, Mr MacDonald?”
“I was just a wee lad and it was the day village fair, when me ma realised that our sheep had gone missing on the mountains. The whole village sear...

What do Coronavirus panic in England and divorce in the United States have in common?

They’re both commonly caused by BBC.

Philip Schofield set to leave ITV..

Rumours say it’s because he now prefers BBC.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BBC

A guy decides to do something nice for his girlfriend before they leave on vacation so he gets her name tattooed on his penis. He comes home and shows it to her. She looks at it and says, "That's great, sweetie, but what is 'Wy'?" He tells her to rub it and as she does she sees it actually reads "We...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BBC's Sherlock got cancelled

Shit, no Sherlock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BBC NEWS: Russia to unplug from the internet.

In other news, 75% of the world's online porn has disappeared

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BBC News: "Illegally downloading pirated films is costing hundreds of millions of pounds a year"

Fuck, what site are they downloading them from? It's free for me..

I love the BBC’s documentaries about time and space!

I really quantum to continuum!

Matt LeBlanc was just announced as the newest presenter on BBC's Top Gear

It may be a challenge for him, on his last show it's like he was always stuck in second gear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BBC announcement

From the BBC - Read by John Cleese.

ANNOUNCEMENT

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bi...

I heard that BBC is making a prequel to Pride and Prejudice that follows the Bennet girls when they hit puberty

It's a period drama.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My recent letter from the BBC read...

"Thanks for entering your wife into our new quiz show.

However, we feel you may have misread the title?

The show is actually called "Fact Hunt"




Credit @ShitJokes via Twitter.

The English we Speak....

**Helen:** Hello and welcome to The English We Speak from BBC Learning English, I'm Helen. With me today is quite a frustrated-looking Neil. Neil, what are you doing to that mobile phone?


**Neil:** Argh, I can't get it to make a phone call. It does everything else: it takes photos, it c...

The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply...

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

Stephen Fry broke a world record when he read the entire Harry Potter series live on BBC Radio 4.

Listeners were disappointed that he didn't read it out loud...

Trump Administration blocked CNN, BBC, New York Times, LA Times from media briefing

Looks like Little Donald needs a safe space...

Jeremy Clarkson has been suspended. He must have done something that even the BBC find inexcusable

So that rules out child abuse then....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia...

Hold on, lets rephrase that:

"Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"

After looking over the BBC wage list on thing has become clear...

Women knowing nothing about cars or football is really hurting their income

What do Riley Reid and a European socialist have in common?

They both like the BBC.

So in a program on the BBC about WWII, the host is interviewing a surviving member of the Dutch Free Air Force.

The geezer says, "So there we were flying in formation over the English channel, when Suddenly these four Fokkers come out of the clouds. So I get behind the first Fokker and shoot him down. Then I do the same with the other three Fokkers."

The host interjects," For clarification, I think my ...

According to the BBC website, 'cocaine users are getting younger'

I have always avoided illegal narcotics but, now that I've found out that they actually reverse the aging process, I'm going to give them a go.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision

Fuck, how fast must they have been walking?

The BBC interviews a former pilot of the Dutch Free Air Forces from WWII . . .

. . . So the Dutch guy starts telling a story:

"As we're flying over France, all of a sudden, 6 Fokkers come out of nowhere. I engage on a Fokker, and shoot him down. Then I line up behind another Fokker and shoot him down too. The other guys in my squadron shoot down the other four Fokkers....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anagram

BBC Breaking News:

The inventor of the anagram has died....

May he "erect a penis"....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Muslims and the BBC have in common?

They both cover up for pedophiles.

What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'?

One's really heavy, and the other's a little lighter. - [*Masai Graham*](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-34039927)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A WWII joke

A retired British World War II pilot is in an interview on the BBC reminiscing about his days in the air force:
"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was escorting some bombers and suddenly, out of the ...

If you refuse to pay your TV licence in England, you can be sent to prison…

Where, ironically, you'll get plenty of BBC…

What do ghetto rats and suburban soccer moms have in common?

They both enjoy the BBC.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Top Gear was twelve years old...

That's one of the oldest things that the BBC staff have fucked.

Pakistan launches a rocket to Moon.

Pakistani News channel reports: "Water and fishes found on Moon."


BBC reports: "Pakistani satellite found in Arab sea."

Meanwhile in the reptile design office in the planet construction halls of Magrethea...

>Credit to John Fennimore of BBC Radio 4

Down the corridor from Slartibartfarst and his fjord design office, in the planet construction halls, another magrethean is called in to see his supervisor.

“You wanted to see me sir”

“Ah, Zebon sit down,” The supervisor said pointing ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A news reporter goes to see a Jewish man who has been going to the western wall in Israel to pray once a day for 70 years

the reporter goes up to him and says, "hello I"m a reporter for the BBC and we know you"re quite famous around this wall so we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions." The man agrees and she asks, "so we were wondering; what have you actually been praying for all of these years?"The man ...

Radio One has banned its DJs from playing Madonna songs, saying that at 56 she is old and irrelevant.

Yeah, at the BBC they only like them young.

Two schoolgirls are coming home from Sunday school one day...

One turns to the other and says, "Do you believe in the devil?"

The other one says, "Don't be silly, of course not, the devil is like Santa; it's only your dad."

–Season one episode two of the BBC's Luther.

****

*http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Luther/70175633

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.