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Race Car Jokes

I was in a bar the other day, when a girl asked me, “What do you do?” I responded, “I race cars.” Screeching with excitement, she shot back, “Do you win many races!?” I sighed...

“No, the cars are much faster.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed.

Well, joke’s on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.

What did the spiritual race car driver say to his mother?

I have good car, ma!

Race car driver Niki Lauda died today.

He was buried by his pit crew, 3.4 secs later.

What do we want?!! - Race car noises!!

When do we want em?!!

Neeoooooww!!!....

What did the cat say in the race car?

MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Context: My 5 year old told me this today. I'm guessing he didn't make it up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a movie about Hitler in a race car?

The fast and the führerious

A German race car driver once told me why he never goes down on a woman.

Because the intake is too close to the exhaust.

Race car backwards is race car

But race car sideways is how Paul Walker died

The quickest way to become a millionaire is to become a professional race car driver...

You just need to start off as a billionaire

Depressed race car mechanic.

Scene: a psychiatrists practice:


'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonde...

Why did everyone turn away when the race car drove past?

It had a SPOILER on it.

What's the difference between a velodrome and a palindrome?

For one, you have to use a bicycle. For the other, you can use a race car.

Her: What do you do?

Me: I race cars

Her: Do you win many races?

Me: No, the cars are much faster.

How fast is your Father ?

Three little boys were sitting around bragging about how fast their fathers were.

The first little boy said “My Daddy drives race cars, and goes over 200 miles an hour !”

The second little boy said “That’s nothin’. My Daddy flies jet airplanes faster than the speed of sound !”

T...

At the old junkyard some rusted vehicles were talking

The convertible race car looked around at everyone and said "Lets get out of here and go for a ride down the highway one last time."

The bicycle said "I can't I am just two tired".

The Unicycle and Tricycle at the same time exclaimed "We aren't two tired!"

The Motorcycle replies...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the deal with 'adult toys'?

I mean they always refer to things you can shove up your asshole, but never like a big race car for grown ups!

Boss pulled me aside and wanted a quick word…

I said “race car”.

The Three Brothers and the Genie

Three brothers are walking through the desert when they happen upon an old lamp buried in the sand. The eldest brother lifts the lamp from the ground and as he does the lamp starts to shake and out pops a Genie.

"You have freed me from my prison" the Genie announces with a booming voice " - a...

Why is someone who plays the piano called a pianist...

... but a person who drives race cars not called a racist?

Don’t know if this is a repost but here we go.

Three men die and arrive at the pearly white gates of heaven. St. Paul says, “Depending on how loyal you were to your wife you will be awarded a vehicle.” The first man steps up and says, “I have been with my wife for 15 years and I cheated on her 4 times.” So doing what he said, St. Paul gives him ...

One sunny day, 8-year old Théo and his 3-year-old sister Cele sat down at a table on the lanai of their rustic French manse, with some paper and colored pencils...

...Théo was showing Cele how to draw. Théo was drawing animals, flowers, clouds with lightning coming out of them, dinosaurs, race cars, whatever popped into his head. Cele was thoroughly entertained, and kept making requests:

"Bunny!"

"Croissant!

"Airplane!"

Finally, Thé...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stuart’s Legacy

There once was a boy named Stuart. Stuart was born to a single mother named August. August loved Stuart more than words could express. She took Stuart with her everywhere she went and they were very happy and inseparable. Unfortunately, one dreary day, August and Stuart were driving to town for groc...

A snail goes into a car dealership...

A snail goes into a car dealership and asks for a race car, but says he will only buy it if they paint a big S on it. The sales men is curious about this odd request, but they don't get this offer every day so he agrees.
A week later the snail crawls into the dealership to buy the car. He crawls ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A class of high school art students are broken into groups...

...and tasked with making silly and creative paintings combining culture with food.

One group decides to paint an Indy race car made out of roti. Another group decides to paint a business suit necktie being grated into cheese. Another group paints Donkey Kong serving up a creepy bowl of banan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 boys are lost in a forest and find a cabin

They knock on the cabin’s door and an old man answers. The kids ask the old man if they can stay there for the night and the old man says “Why of course you can. There’s one rule though. Do not open this closet” the old man points to a door. “If you do there will be consequences!”

The kids, ...

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