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Quotes Jokes

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a boy was asked to think of three good quotes at school

he went home and asked his mother, she said “a fool and his money are soon parted”

he asked his father, he said “ask and you shall receive”

he asked his grandfather, who served the military, he said, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved”

he went ba...

The Chinese President has decided to make a red book of quotes, like Mao Zedong did.

He's calling it "That's what Xi said"

Quotes

"to do is to be" Plato
"to be is to do" Aristotle
"do be do be do" Frank Sinatra

Happy Fathers Day Quotes,,,

“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” —*Jerry Seinfeld*

“I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —*Rita ...

You say you never steal movie quotes?

Be a lot cooler if you did.

“The problem with looking up quotes on the internet..

Is that most of them are lies” - Abraham Lincoln

Famous Quotes from US Presidents

“The harder the conflict, the greater the triumph.” ― George Washington

“Honesty is the first chapter of the book wisdom.” ― Thomas Jefferson

“If tyranny and oppression come to this land it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.” ― James Madison

“Try and fail, but don...

Local handyman comes to my house to give quotes..

I show him the kitchen that needs repainting.

"€30" he says, before walking to the window, opening it and screaming out "Green side up! Green side up!".

Ignoring the outburst because the price was so good I show him the bathroom that needs retiling.

"€30" he says, before again ...

Inspirational quotes to live by until I got divorced

# Here's the original 7 quotes to live by:

1. Make peace with your past, so it won't disturb your future.
2. What other people think of you is none of your business.
3. The only person in charge of your happiness is you.
4. Don't compare your life to others. Comparison is the thief o...

The two quotes that shows a person's true colors:

"It's just a game."

"Sir/Ma'am we ask u to wear ur mask."

Why do police cars have "to protect and serve" in quotes?

They are being sarcastic.

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Famous quotes....

At school one day Little Johnny's teacher announced that she was going to say a famous quote and that whoever could correctly guess the person who said that quote would be able to leave school early. Little Johnny gets all excited because he knows his history.

So the teacher asks first: "Wh...

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Little Johnny knows his quotes.

Little Johnny was in class while the teacher was giving an oral quiz on History. "Who said 'Give me liberty or give me death'" started the teacher. Johnny raised his hand.

A ittle Japanese exchange student piped in: "Patrick Henry, 1776"

Again: "Four score and seven years ago..." Johnn...

“You simply cannot trust quotes found on the internet.”

—Abraham Lincoln, November 19, 1863.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are asked by an official for quotes to paint the fences of Buckingham Palace.

The Englishman takes out a measuring tape and calculator, makes some notes and reports back to the man, “I’ll do it for £800. £200 for materials, £400 for the team and £200 profit for me.”

The Irishman looks at the house, looks at the Englishman, and says, “I can do it for £700...£200 for mat...

Some dude went to tell cheerful quotes at a rapper’s funeral.

They were all like “Homie where your heart is.”

Really freaked out for a bit, my computer was giving me personalised Jesus quotes.

Turns out I had it set to depeche mode.

“The thing about quotes from the Internet is that it is difficult to define their authenticity.”

-Abraham Lincoln, 1933

No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly.

I'm so mis-tweeted.

TIL (Today I learned) who coined the phrase "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine"

It was former US President Abraham Lincoln.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My professor called me into his office.

"Your essays are good", he said. "But you need to come up with more reliable sources for the quotes you use."

"But sir," I started, "a man once said 'It is not the speaker that defines the merits of the words, but the words themselves.'"

He sighed. "Who did? Who said that?"
...

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