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Quilt Jokes

What did Captain Picard say to the quilting machine repairman?

Make it sew.

Did you hear about the guy that quit his job at a quilt filling factory?

He said he was fed up of feeling down...

My friend told me he holds a world record in quilt making

I suspect his whole story is fabricated.

My wife asked me, “Which one of my two quilts you like better?”

I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”

I'd like to say that ALL quilts are great...

...but I try to avoid making blanket statements.

Just sued my mom for sending me blanket made by her and her sewing club.

Quilt by Association

The traveling salesmen

Two traveling salesmen were riding together across West Texas when their car began to sputter and cough. Soon, it died completely and they were stranded on the side of a state highway with little traffic.

Fortunately, a pick up truck pulled over to help. The driver was a comely middle aged wo...

I named my high-speed magic carpet Bounty.

It’s a quilted, quicker picker-upper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m ply-sexual.

I’ve only ever done it into quilted toilet paper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Sven collapsed one chill November Saturday after chopping maple wood near his house in the birch forest, five miles outside of Eagle River, Wisconsin.

He arose, sauntered home and changed into his flannel, tractor-print pajamas. It grew quiet and his breathing became labored. So, Sven lay down on the plaid-quilted single bed in the green guest room. His wife, Lena, tended to his care. He said nothing and sipped only a cup of water or two. On the e...

Who Came First

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it's face.

The egg, looking very hacked off, grabs the quilt, rolls over and says, "Well, we finally answered THAT question!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fresh off the boat Indian immigrant goes to Wallmart to buy some toilet paper

Arriving to the store, he walks to an employee and tells him "Hello sir, I have recently arrived in America with just the shirt on my back and not so much money. I need to buy toilet paper but I can't afford luxuries".

The employee replies "Well listen here friend, I have this ExtraSoft for $...

A guy wanted some help from the priest...

"So I did a big mistake priest." The guy quilting ,
"So this day I were sitting with my cousin , my uncle and my aunt......The light just went off ,My uncle and my aunt went down stairs and I did it with my cousin."
"Don't worry this sin shall be forgiven but don't do that again" the priest sa...

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