What's the best way to get an Amish girl pregnant?

Two mennonite..

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Amish Driving

An Amish lady is pulled over .

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return hom...

A joke I heard while visiting an Amish community

A farmer gets pulled over by a police man, and as the cop writes the ticket, he is swatting at flies that are swarming him. When he goes to hand the ticket to the farmer, the farmer asks “Having some trouble with ground flies ?”

The officer responds “Yes, but why do you call them ground flies...

How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic?

They keep falling off the wagon.

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Two Amish women...

Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Yoder are in the garden digging potatoes. Mrs Miller holds a large potato in each hand and says “ These remind me of my husband Kaleb’s testicles”.

Mrs Yoder says “Oh goodness...they are that big???”

Mrs. Miller says “ No..,they’re that dirty.”

A pair of Amish girls visiting NYC decide to try hot dogs for the first time

They buy two hot dogs wrapped in foil from a street vendor and sit down on a nearby bench, excited to finally try this modern cuisine.

The first girl opens the foil, blushes with embarrassment, and shyly asks the second girl, "What part of the dog did you get?"

Amish Brakes

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy
when she is pulled over by a cop.

Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you
a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.

Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.
<...

I went to a crazy Amish strip club.

It was bonnetless.

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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold!"

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the ...

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A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”

The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the movin...

Amish girls have no way of knowing

if it's a romantic candle light dinner or just a regular dinner.

What's an Amish's favorite kind of raisin?

A Barn Raisin'!

What are amish children called?

Amlettes

There is a group of Amish engineers who created the hardware and software for a small self-driving horseless carriage.

It's a little buggy.

What do you call an Amish DUI?

Horsing around

You have to admire Amish people for their great sense of self-derision. You can find tons of jokes making fun of them on Reddit...

But you never see one of them writing a disapproving comment below.

An Amish family goes to a mall for the first time

And of course they are overwhelmed. The man stands in front of an elevator, puzzled what this contraption may be. He watches a very heavyset woman enter it, the doors close and the elevator goes up, and as it returns, a young, beautiful woman emerges.

"What is that, Pa?", little Joshua wants...

What's the difference between regular Gatorade and Amish Gatorade?

Amish Gatorade has no electric-lights.

Amish people of Reddit

wait nevermind

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How often does an Amish woman have sex?

Three Mennonite.

What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?

A mechanic.

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An Amish woman and her granddaughter are out in the field.

They are tending to the crops and they finally get to the potatos. The old Amish woman pulls out two of the biggest potatoes she had ever seen. She looked at her granddaughter and held them up and said, "These are just like your grandpas!"

The granddaughter was shocked and said,"They are tha...

amish girls be showin that ankle

get that onlyfans money in the mail

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My Amish girlfriend only likes missionary sex. I tried to get her to try other positions.

But all she does is cum plain.

Two Amish Women

Two Amish women are out picking potatoes in a field.

The first one holds out one potato in each hand in front of her while studying and balancing them.

The second woman asks her, "What are you doing with those potatoes?"

The first woman responds, "They remind me of my husband'...

Why was the Amish woman kicked out of her colony?

She slept with two Mennonite.

Why don't amish people use electricity?

If they had lights they would never sleep with each other

I've met a few Amish people in my day...

But I've yet to find someone that will fully commit to being Am.

Amish users of reddit, what is it like going about your day to day life without technology?

Hello?
Hello?
Anyone there?

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An Amish farmer is walking through his field when he sees a guy drinking from his pond, scooping it up with his hand.

The farmer says,
"Trinken sie nicht das wasser, die
kuhe unddie schweine haben in ihm
geschissen," which means, 'Don't
drink the water, the cows and the
pigs shit in it'


The guy shouts back, "I'm a Trump
supporter, and this is America. I
don't understand your gibberi...

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Did you hear about the Amish prostitute?

She had 2 Mennonite

So an Amish couple are in their horse and buggy going down the road during a blizzard...

The woman spots a skunk lying in the road. She turns to her husband and says, "Honey, pull over, he must be freezing!"

So the husband pulls over and the wife gets out and gets the skunk and get on their way again.

After about 5 minutes, she says to her husband, "Oh honey, he is still s...

An Amish joke for you...

What goes clip-clop, clip-clop, silence....?

A drive-by shunning

Why is it hard for the Amish to travel?

Their transit system is a little buggy.

Do you know why the Amish girl was excommunicated?

Two Men A Night

Why can’t you drive through an Amish neighborhood?

No Outlets.

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An amish girl and her mom are riding home in a horse drawn carriage

Daughter: "Mom, my hands are so cold."

Mother: "Stick your hands between your legs and your body heat will keep them warm."

So the daughter does this and she is amazed how warm her hands got. So the next night she is with her boyfriend running errands:

Boyfriend: "Wow, it is col...

How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb?

What’s a lightbulb?

Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble

Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am.

In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.

Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.

When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou suck!"

His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."

Defiantly s...

Congratulations, your ears hang as low as an Amish person's.

But can you tie a Mennonite?

I went to a topless Amish bar last night.

No bonnets.

So someone online recently told me that he’s amish

Wait a second...

Today I was in a home with no internet.

Something was Amish

What do a hockey player and an Amish woman have in common?

They both shower after the third period.

What do you call a group of Amish witches?

A Dutch coven.

Say what you want about the Amish...

Really, go ahead. They’re not on here.

Amish wagon

A Amish wife was coming home from grocery shopping and a highway patrol noticed the slow moving vehicle sign was danging and about ready to fall off. He pulls her over and explains the situation and notices the reins for the horse are wrapped around the horses balls, he points out she might fix that...

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An Amish man and his son...

An Amish man and his son go to the mall for the first time- they are amazed! All the stores, all the people! But what takes the cake is a strange double sliding metal door with numbers over it. They watch entranced as an enormous senior woman in a wheelchair rolls inside the doors, and they shut alm...

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An Amish family went to the mall.

(The Amish don't usually go to the mall, but go with me.)

This family consisted of two parents and a son. The father and the son went by themselves to explore, leaving the mother to do whatever it was that she was doing.

The two men encountered an elevator. This was the first time eith...

What did the Amish husband say to his wife when she got back from working out on the farm all day?

Amish you.

The Amish woman and the Pennsylvania State Trooper

An Amish woman is in her horse and buggy heading back home when a state trooper pulls her over. The trooper walks up to the door of the buggy and the woman says "Good afternoon, young man. What seems to be the problem?"

The trooper says, ma'am, I pulled you over because you were speeding....

An Amish Woman

Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, “you might want to have your husband look at your reflector” He notices a rope wrapped around the horse’s balls…”and ma’am, some folks might find that rope offensive”. The lady later makes i...

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

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Have you heard about the possible outbreak of the Coronavirus in the Amish community?

It was a false alarm, No fever, but people did get a little hoarse and buggy.

Why don’t the Amish shave their beards?

They don’t want raze-a-barn

Three Amish ladies are in a field picking potatoes

Their husbands names are Jake, Jacob and Jakey. They would always get confused. So one day they decided to nickname them. Mabel said "lets name them after soda pop", the other two said "what do you mean?". Mabel said she would go first and said " I'll call my Jacob 7-Up because he has 7 inches and i...

What did the uncertain, Amish philosopher say?

I think, therefore I am-ish...

I had a one night stand with an Amish guy the other week...

He never called me back.

I spent the night at an Amish hotel, and to avoid oversleeping

I had them send me a wake\-up letter for 7 am.

A young Amish couple got married. After the wedding, they went out for a ride on a horse and buggy.

Everything was going fine, until all of a sudden the horse stops. The husband gets out, walks over to the horse, looks it dead in the eyes and said "That's one". The husband gets back in the buggy, and they start moving like normal. A few minutes later, the horse stops again. The husband gets o...

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If you plan on having sex with an Amish chick, do it when the sun is out,

Because they're Mennonite.

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A police officer pulls over an Amish couple in a horse-drawn buggy.

The husband sticks his hand out and says "Hi officer, is there a problem?"

The police officer says, "Sir, are you aware that you have a rope tied around your horse's dick and sack?"

Confused, the Amish man says "The wife and I will take care of it as soon as we get home."

Aft...

What do Amish people call their kids?

Omelettes.

I slept with an Amish girl last night.

I don't think I'll call her.

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An Amish family takes a day off to visit New York City

An Amish family takes a day off to visit New York City.

They drive their wagon all the way into Time Square because they want to find a hotel with a room overlooking all of the cool sights they have never seen. The husband drops his wife and kids off at the front door of a super fancy hotel a...

I have a fetish for Amish women.

Best part about it?

They don’t expect you to call the next day!

The Amish Space Program is at a stalemate

Jebediah and the boys just cannot figure out how to get the horses to go vertical.

Amish Hooker

What's an Amish Hooker do?

Ten Mennonite!

(Mennonite link on the front page made me think of this one.)

What goes, "Klippty klop, Klippty klop, Klippty klop, Klip klop, Klip klop, Bang, Bang, Bang, Klippty klop, Klippty klop, Klippty klop,"

An Amish drive by shooting.

Amish from the future

I met an Amish guy the other day. He looked at me and said " can I confide in you? I'm from 100 years in the future. We built a time machine and I just arrived. You re the first person I've seen since My arival"
Incredibly intrigued, I said to him " wow! 100 years in the future! That's amazing! ...

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Two Amish men want to sell part of their brood of chickens

So, they decide to make their way to the market in the center of a large town nearby.

The younger of the two men has never been outside their small community, and is subsequently very excited and also quite nervous.

Rather than taking a full horse and buggy, they decide to ride a don...

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