A drop dead gorgeous woman at the club whispered seductively in my ear, "How about free drinks all night in return for sex?" Sputtering excitedly, I blubbered, "Ah-ah-ah-are y-y-y-you sh-sh-sh-sure?!" Purring, she panted, "Yes!" I shot out...
"Really, because I can drink a lot of whisky, you know!?"
Grandpa's Scariest day
A man was celebrating his 100th birthday with his grandchildren, when one of them asks him about the time he was most scared in his life.
"Well Timmy, it'll have to be back in 1943 when I was on Safari in Africa"
"What happenned Gramps?"
"Well, I was with my best friend John on...
A lady walks into a veterinarian with a parrot
A lady walks into a veterinarian with a parrot and places the parrot, stiff as a board, onto the vets desk.
"Doctor I think my parrot is sick. Please make him well again!"
The vet takes a look at the parrot and puts his stethoscope on the parrots chest and listens solemnly for a few mo...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
I was going through a messy divorce and getting screwed by my wife&'s lawyer when I found an old lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared.
"Thank you for freeing me" he said. "In return I grant you 3 wishes"
"Oh! this is great," I said. "For my first one I wish I had an inexaustable supply of cash"
Puff! A wallet full of $20 notes appeared. "No matter how much you take out, it will always be full" said the genie....
Depressed race car mechanic.
Scene: a psychiatrists practice:
'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonde...