This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[On the way to the therapist] Me: You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, won’t you?

Her: Yes.

Me: I knew it!!

I think I'm getting better at predicting what people will do.

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See? I knew you'd click this post.

I used to be a fortune teller but I kept predicting snow storms ..

It turns out I wasn't using a crystal ball, it was a snow globe .

Analysts are now predicting an exact worldwide repeat of the COVID-19 spread 18 months from now and there is nothing we can do to prevent it

It will be 2022.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientists are predicting that an aurora will be created from all the self-isolating people stuck at home watching porn...

Due to the resulting coronal mass erection.

Mary Poppins has moved to L.A. where she has opened a fortune-telling shop specializing in predicting future bad breath.

The sign outside reads: Super California Mystic Expert: Halitosis

NEWS FLASH.... Autumn is almost here, and Donald Trump has stated that "It will be getting cooler".

I don't know about you, but I think he's really going out on a limb, predicting stuff like that.

Predicting Reddit tomorrow

"TIFU by looking directly at the eclipse"

Not to brag, but I have this weird talent in predicting what is inside a wrapped present.

You can say...it’s a gift.

Crowd: TO STOP PREDICTING THE FUTURE!

Chanter: WHAT DO WE WANT?

Crowd: LAST TUESDAY

Chanter: WHEN DO WE WANT IT?

When a mute prophet is predicting the end of the world,

that's a sign of the end times.

They're predicting record highs for Wednesday.

In other news the weather will be hotter than usual.

A lion walks into a bar...

Several people get up and leave predicting the impending danger.

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